h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(Some different rules for this one:

Each post must end in the middle of a sentence.
Each post consists of:
i) the completion of the previous sentence, followed by
ii) a new sentence, followed by
iii) the beginning of a sentence

Let's see how it goes.

In a castle, high on a hill, a knight looked sadly out of a window.

He was thinking about ...

...his beloved wife, Sarah.
He briefly thought that he wouldn't feel sad anymore, but it just turned out to be a nauseas re-action to undercooked pork.

(Hope no one tries to use commas and semi-colons to produce page long sentences)

Eventually he decided to ...

... avenge her murder, and also get a new cook.

He buckled on his armour, got his purse of gold coins from it's hiding place under the loose floorboard and strode from the room.

On the landing, half-way down the stairs, ...

...he realized that in the previous sentence he shouldn't have added an apostrophe to its, since it was being used as a possesive (at least by american grammar).

He found this quite odd since the english grammar rule being applied wasn't around in the Middle Ages (he is a knight), and his fuedal lord had never given him any schooling.

He shook these thoughts away and...

... continued down the stairs.

At the bottom, he called to his squire, Smedley: "Get the horses, Smedley - we are going on a quest."

Smedley looked up from his tea and toast and said ...

..."Oh, screw off."

Our unnamed knight then screamed back: "What?!?"

Smedly got quite worried when he realized that his master had heard him, so he...

. . . held up the pre-squiring agreement that mentioned he was allowed to make three rude remarks without punishment.

Our nameless Knight decided to let it go, pulled out a hole puncher, and made one indention on the contract.

"Now, let's get going before . . .

...that un-cooked pork catches up with my intestinal tract."

Smedly quickly spit into his master's lunch while he wasn't looking.

The knight mounted his horse and ...

... Smedley mounted his and they began to ride westwards.

Smedley asked: "Where are we going and what is our quest?"

The knight answered: "We are off to ...

the evil land of Kobla!

Kobla is ruled by the evil warlock who murdered my beloved wife sarah."

As the knight relayed the necessary back story . . .

...Smedly went to sleep.

The Knight was far too embroiled in his storytelling to notice though.

Smedly had a very intersting dream about...

... dancing teacups and twirling toast and rolling Bob Evans breakfast sausage.

When he awoke, the knight was just finishing the back story.

"and just before she died, Sarah said ..."

... Pepsi tastes better than coke to me, I know most people say there is no difference but there is."

As our unnamed knight looked back on this he was suddenly struck by the fact that he didn't know what Pepsi and Coke were since they didn't exist yet.

He then wondered why he said "yet" since that would require knowledge of the future which he hadn't had since ...

. . . he had fired his soothsayer.

His soothsayer had become the warlock that killed his wife, something about needing blood for a special potion.

This further angered our unnamed hero, who then decided that . . .

...he would hunt down this warlock and kill him.

Just then Smedly woke up and reminded the knight that he had already done that 6 quests ago.

Our heroes starting searching his memory and ...

...he would hunt down this warlock and kill him.

Just then Smedly woke up and reminded the knight that he had already done that 6 quests ago.

Our heroes starting searching his memory and ...

... told Smedley that the most recent information he had indicated that the evil warlock was in hiding in the far north of the country, many days journey away, through trecherous terrain, fearless fighters, mad marauders, worrysome warriors, dangerous dragons and all sorts of other alliterative hazzards.

Smedley wondered how he could get out of going, while still maintaining his membership at the Squire Club.

Sighing, he resigned himself to the necessity of enduring the ordeal, and said ...

. . . "Je faime, tres fenetre."

This confused the knight, who didn't even bother to translate it, and, instead, went down the long spiral staircase.

Half way down, he realized . . .

...his pants were on backwards.

He argued with Smedly and concluded everything by saying something that was obviously poorly translated from english using altavista: "Je ne puis pas parler français, et est-ce que l'Internet encore, ainsi comment je n'a pas été inventé avais l'habitude le babelfish pour traduire ceci?" (don't even try translating back with altavista, it a good activity is to translate phrases into another language with the website and then translate them back. It is pretty funny)

Just then the Knight...