h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*there is a humming sound that gradually grows stronger*

*the red glow approaches and turns out to indeed be a CLI logo, on the front of a cleaning bot*

wwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrr

*the cleaning bot appears to be vacuuming the floor when it spots GDZ sitting in a pile of dust*

vrrooommmmmmm!

*the bot changes direction and heads straight for GDZ while a long grip arm extends, reaching for GDZ*

*from her vantage point the rafters...*

NOOOOoooooooooooooooooo! It's the cleaningbot!

for your lives!

*clings on and shuts her eyes*

*ducks under the counter*

*Sees the bot, runs to the counter and jumps on top of it.*

wwwwwwwwrrrrrrrr

*finishes vacuuming up the furniture dust*

*the bot's head swivels around, scanners trying to determine which mess to deal with next*

*decides that the mess of broken crockery and bags of sugar and splenda surrounding the counter, with added dusty GDZ on top, really needs to be dealt with immediately*

*the vacuuming attachment is retracted, replaced by a brush and a dustpan*

*the grip arm once more shoots out towards GDZ, faster this time since the bot has had the time to estimate GDZ's speed of movement*

zzzzzzzzt!

*to GDZ* Jump for the rafters! That's the one place it can't grab you! *tries to remember whether anyone has ever been grabbed from the rafters*

*Hits the brush and jumps up to the rafters, slips off and crashes to the floor. Breath knocked out of him.*

*Watches with horror as the cleaning bot homes in on GDZ.*

Oh, no! I don't think he's going to get away!

*the extracted arm gets a firm grip of GDZ's collar and lifts him up into the air*



*something that looks astonishingly like a dustbin lid flips open*

*meanwhile the dustpan and brush extensions start cleaning up the mess of broken crockery and sugar bags on the floor*

*a fourth extension starts tugging at a tablecloth that mysteriously seems to have slipped off one of the tables*

*clinging on desperately, eyes begining to ache with being closed so tightly*

Oh no, when will it end?

*still feeling reasonably safe down on the floor, considering that there are 'some' adventurers (naming no one in specific) that look considerably messier than herself*

Witty! Caer! Throw a towel over its sensors!

*Still out of breath*

*GDZ is being dropped into the interiors of the cleaning bot*

*meanwhile, the brush and dustpan extensions have finished brushing up all the mess surrounding the counter and are zooming in on any piece of broken crockery that might have rolled in under the counter*

*the grip arm is being replaced by a mop that starts polishing the floor*

No way am I dropping my on that bot. It's been ages since someone has been through the wringer and I intead to completely enjoy the event.

You you, Witty - hath thou no compassion for the poor fellow?


*realizes that Witty is too paralyzed by fear () to be of any use*

Caer! Caer! Open your eyes and throw a towel over the bot's sensors!

*from behind the counter* IIEM, make me Affi's Usual, please.

*from somewhere within the IIEM, the Wagnerian "Ride of the Valkyries" begins to play*

*the machine begins to shudder*

*calmly continues trying to brush up anything that might have rolled in underneath the counter*

*if you take a close look at the bot's head, you'll notice several dents, leaving the head looking slightly lop-sided*

*this seems to suggest that the bot broke its way out of the broom closet physically rather than anyone/anything letting it out*

*the resulting damage seems to have affected the bot's in-line channels, thus making it unable to pick up any sounds or spoken commands*

*stops abruptly*

*the bot seems to be meditating for a moment*

*or two*



*a side door opens, gently pushing out GDZ onto the now clean floor*



*another side door opens, depositing GDZ's clothes washed, pressed and folded in a neat pile*



*a third smaller side door opens, depositing GDZ's weaponry on the floor, polished and shining*

*meanwhile, the brush and dustpan are still trying to get at some remaining trash beneath the counter*

*Starts coughing and choking on the dust he is currently trapped with.*