h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*At that exact moment, as if by some ironic cue, the STUMPED Warships that Afgncaap5 hypothesized about make an incredibly dramatic appearance overhead. Hundreds of Minos Krylma's Scuttler Ships zip around speedily ready for anything, providing a protective cloud for the slightly slower though more deadly Tantalus Ships. Still not visible, The Draco (Minos Krylma's flagship currently under the command of Agent Chameleon) patiently waits in the skies above, watching the situation*


Chameleon-Are the armies of Gecko Warriors and Komodo Dragon Warriors ready?

*A silent Gecko Warrior nods*

Chameleon-Get ready. Instruct all troops to play Defense Tactic Omega-Four until we see how they react to this.

*The Gecko Warrior silently nods, heads to a computer console, and sends the message to all other the assembled forces*



Chesworth-SIR! We've lost the satelite!

*Afgncaap5 runs in from the other room*

Affy-What???

Chesworth-The satelite was destroyed! We've lost visual with that one.

Affy-Bring up the last visual records!

*Chesworth complies, and the clear image of a member of Masters Of The Multiverse shooting upwards is seen. The fire gradually grows larger and larger in the camera view, until it hits the camera exactly. A "NO CARRIER" message is displayed. Affy's eye twitches*

Affy-They shot down one of our satelites....

Chesworth-Sir?

Affy-A satelite that's been making routine passes over the planet for well over two years, and suddenly they say that it can't be there.

Chesworth-They are supervillains, sir.

Affy-I don't care. So are all STUMPED agents, so are the members of B.e.t.t.e., so are the Coalition Of Terror members, and so are the members of The Sci-Five. I wouldn't stand for this if any of those organizations acted like that. Heck, I wouldn't even stand it if President Peregrine at h2g2's Alabaster House ordered it!

Chesworth-What are you planning, sir?

Affy-Oh, they'll pay for what they did. They'll pay, you can mark my words that one way or the other they *WILL* pay. Chesworth, create a standard War Unit from out available SecuriBots. See if you can talk the Montressor prototypes into fighting with us. I'm going to power up the CLI's Snow Cannon on top of Mt. SandEverest. Then I'll send these o-called "Masters Of The Multi-Verse" what's coming to them!

*Affy storms out as Chesworth begins working on the orders*

Minos Krylma's Scuttler Ships, is it?
Tantalus Ships, and Gecko Warriors and Komodo Dragon Warriors, you say?





Well, I only have one thing to say to THAT:




*attacks the whatchamacallem ships with floating rubber-duckies*

*throws the spooky razor carrot of doom into the biggest ship*

*looks around carefully, and notices that none of the bad-guys seems to be online, and then jams their radars. With raspberry jam, of course*





Huh? Did somebody say "copyright"? Hmm... well... in this case it was strawberry jam.

So, who were you talking to when you said "you say"? The person who mentioned the Komodo Dragons Warriors and Gecko Warriors was out of hearing range.


*The floating rubber duckies harmlessly bounce off of the hulls of all of the ships*


Chameleon-Feh! Green Jester tried that against us once. Our systems are well prepared for all spring-like water fowl-based aerial assualts!


*Meanwhile, the Carrot Of Doom hits one of the Scuttlers due to their erratic flying patterns, miraculously manages to strike one of the exterior manual access board release locks on the top of the ship, bounces in the air before the opening of the hatch can throw it away, and lands again on the "Accelerate While In Break" switch. The Scuttler, not being in break, accelerates wildly and dissapears across the horizon*


Chameleon-Hmmm...We just lost one of the thousands and thousands that we had flying through the sky....oh, well. It's only about the size of a Van, anyway. In the scheme of things, the only difference it'll make is that the skies'll be easier for all the others to fly in.


*One of the scuttlers is hit with a jar of strawberry jam, effectively gooing up its radar!*


Chameleon-Scuttler #724, activate your auxiliary radar systems on my mark....now!


*The Scuttler does so, and is now just as effective as before as it continues its flying*


Chameleon-Okay, time to send in the hologram.


*On the surface of the planet, in the midst of the oddly named "Masters Of The Multi-Verse," a hologram of Agent Chameleon appears. Being Agent Chameleon, however, the hologram is perfectly blending in to its surroundings effectively making the air look exactly the same. The hologram's voice carries through, however*

Chameleon Hologram-To the members of Masters Of The Multiverse. I would like to thank you for not thinking clearly when you attacked the first group of STUMPED "Peace Makers." Hawaii is a long-time STUMPED base of operations. We conquered it a year or two ago, and the superheroes have not been able to take it from us since. I can assure you, few other locales on the planet have quite as much of our influence.

However, your pathetic attempts to slay the art of speech have failed and will continue to fail. Try as you might, no amount of military force or magic power or hyper-dimensional quantum mechanics can best us. And with troops like Zeb The Evil Shrew Puppet and HappyDude, we are well prepared for powerful cartoon-like shinanigans.

STUMPED came here to discuss terms. And discuss we will. Before or after a battle that could destroy the Galaxy, it's really up to you. I shall return shortly.

*The hologram "disappears" just as a van bearing CLI markings arrives. Affy jumps out of the driver's seat and spots the downed satelite. He rushes over and begins examining it. He scowls and snaps his fingers. At this signal, four CLI Worker Droids jump from the back of the van and rush to the satelite so that they can pick it up, take it back to the van, and begin repairs. CLI approaches the villains on the ground*

Affy-Okay, then. You people demolished one of CLI's oldest spy satelites on a standard orbital sweep, and now you're gonna pay. I accept all forms of Earthling, Martian, and Zorkish currency, Altharian credits, Thaltarian tigraks, the Altarian Dollar, and most other widely used forms of Galactic currency, payable through cash or most credit/debit cards. I'm also willing to negotiate a trade for compensation, be it one of treasure or decent equipment and supplies.

Calm down dear, it's an advert.

If you really insist we pay for your faulty satelite, which randomly, and dangerously I might add, fell from the sky and damaged our base then I'm sure we can find a few pennies here and there, what's it worth any way, 4, 5 pence?


Quick, get the leprechaun gold, oh and while you're there fetch Lord Fleder, none of their high tech weaponry is a match for the power of the Farce...

oh and activate the Disc-continuity device

Affy-Sir, you shot at a *SPY SATELITE*! It recorded you people shooting at it. You'll pay for the entire satelite, buddy!

ahh, so you claim to have been spying on us eh? well then, even if we did shoot it down, which we are not admitting to at this time, we were defending our teratorial air space and are well within our rights to do so, so .

*Crater Labs*
A small nervous looking penguin shambles to the visitor center and deposits a fortune cookie on the help desk. After greedily eating, then feeling slightly ill, the worker reads the following fortune...

"Your admission of unwarranted intelligence gathering equipment comes too late, STUMPED! We caught you in this heinous act of agression and demand an apology. And a van. But don't worry. We already have the van."

The worker, feeling a new kind of ill, picks up a phone marked "For Emergency use only"...

*Meanwhile, at the MOTMV perimeter*

The captain of Fanatical Death Chicken squad 141 (The Raging Reds) clucks into his comm unit and waves his men forward. In seconds, the CLI van is surrounded, breached, and the worker droids are incapacitated with generous coatings of magnetic dust blown into their internals. The van is then driven through a side entrance to the motorpool, where the satallite will indeed be repaired, but not origionally as CLI had hoped...

Mwahahahaha!!

*Affy watches this all with glib amusement*

Affy-Oh, come on. You people really need to check your sources. For one thing, CLI is not part of STUMPED! We're two entirely different organizations. STUMPED is a league of supervillains (your competitors). CLI is a science organization that frequently works as a base for superheroes (you enemies).

Second of all, CLI does not employ any living workers except for myself and Garius Lupus. Since neither of us work the reception desk, your post can easily be declared non-existant. Are you beginning to grasp how not accepting continuity will leave you powerless here?

Thirdly, you seem to lack the basics for turn-based combat. That's okay. See, I noticed the continuitous-less environments before arriving, I'm not a moron. So therefore,....

*A weather storm picks up thanks to CLI's weather machine. However, due to the situation at hand, Affy rigged the device to sprinkle Dylan Cobb's Continuity Bleach instead of water. Soon, the entire forum is soaked in Continuity Bleach that had been mixed just precisely enough to remove every single event posted between Affy's posts. The situation is back to normal, with only memories in place. The rain stops at this point*

Fourthly, you'll notice that I don't mind stooping to the level of other's who refuse to play by rules that are accepted by the majority of serious role players on a website.

Fifthly, try anything on my person and it won't work. I made sure to inject myself with a special enzyme that I'd created from Continuity Bleach before coming. Now, any attack that doesn't conform to the laws of continuity will be washed away before I can concern myself with it for the duration of this meeting. Although if you were to attack within the laws of continuity, you could very easily succeed, though I doubt it'll come to that.

Sixthly, my robots in the van have their memories in tact. Note how the van's emergency teleporter has just kicked in and sent them back to the safety of CLI.

Seventhly, I have legal permission from President Peregrine to use spy satelites over all of h2g2. My satelite did not invade your air space. It legally passed through the President's.

Eighthly, we should all be on the same page right now. Are you going to pay me, or shall I begin to attempt causing damage to you?

*radios for Lord Fleder to get out here PDQ*

I've sent Yeal for the money. We've seriously gotta think about doing something to prevent spy satelites, hmm... that might work.

Right I'll tap 1 swamp and 1 Vault of Whispers for 2 black mana, an Ancient Den, 2 Great Furnaces and a Montain for 4 more mana and I'll play two Engineered Plagues, with creature type 'Droid'. Hah, deal with that gamer boy






PS Watch out for the gelatinous cubes.

Don't take it personally.

However, NYC was actually acting well within the Laws Of Continuity as they're written. His sudden shift to the left was permissible under the "Anti-godmodding" rules that allow individuals to decide how their characters are affected by an enemy's attack in role playing. NYC could've said that all of his troops fell into the hole, that some of his troops fell in, or that none fell in, depending on how he might think his character should react.

Oh, and to clarify: my character (Affy/Afgncaap5) saying that this is a "continuity-less locale" is more referring to the social structure here rather than the way that people act. It's basically the same as a person finding a society off of the charted map and calling it a "lawless land." The Law Of Continuity is one of the only frequently referenced laws in the big hero/villain fights, so he considers it a type of law, in a weird, demented way.



Oh, and I'm not a gamer boy. Take yer turn now, I've got no clue what you're going to do (aside from building up some form of magical energy that you chose to manifest into the form of some monster that'll pop up. Possibly a gelatinous monster.)


Affy-Sure. I can stop the satelites from looking at your base. I'd just have to add this organization's name to the Privacy List. Though I can only do so with a modest fee, of course.

And since NYC did concede half his troops to the hole, and apparently that wasn't /enough/ for people who don't know what a REAL fight is... , they're all there: F40447?thread=373115

PS: We already have a number of weapons factories there: F40447?thread=98767 Better luck next time. Nyah!

*running back*

Alright, I've looked under all the cushions and I have managed to collect four pence, an American quarter, a Canadian quarter, and three mismatching buttons. Will this suffice?

*having a look around*

My god, I've been away for a moment and you guys start writing novels! How are we supposed to have a reasonable sort of battle when it takes so long to read all those posts?

And... continuity bleach? How low can you go???

How could you, from a cloud of iron ships
That shamelessly attacked our little base,
Take measures so severe, so merciless
And drown us all with continuity?
I will not have it! I will stay surreal!
I'll talk in metre just for the effect!
Till all your troops, as strong as they may seem,
As manxome (Lewis Carroll word) and swift
Will go away, and never come again.
These shoes are rubber ducks; what say you now?

i've got a quarter

Ah-Ha, taps 2 swamps and a mountain and plays Dross Prowler.

That's it for my turn.

oops, missed out the footnote





*which is 3rd edition ADnD, but they insist on calling it 3rd Ed DnD, which is a completely, well slightly, different game.

*blink*

Tb, why dont you just head for the tomato launcher and smartie BB gun out back?

*retreives a quarter*

*faces puzzled looks*

for the vending machine,...............i'm hungry ok!

I said Leprechaun gold, you know the stuff that dissapears after 24 hrs. You know where the leprechauns are I take it. They're most probably in the bordello spending their money wisely. Oh and you might like to take a couple of Bunny Troopers, just in case the lil b*stards won't give you any gold

*goes running in*

*comes running out a minute later with a pot of gold, followed by angry squeaky voices from inside*

The gold you asked for, in a pot and all;
I won it from them in a game of cards.
For all I know, the leprechauns are mad
And will attack if I go back again.
I will not go, not for the love of gold,
Nor, for that matter, for a shoe, or three.