h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sits quietly in the corner doodling on the wall with his pocket airbrush*

*enters the room, accidentally drops a four-gallon-bottle of molasses on the floor and quickly runs out again, deeply schocked, before Peregrin has a chance to recognize him*

*enters room and immediatly gets stuck in what appears to be about four gallons of molasses. In the corner is a rather sticky looking fellow, feebly waving his pocket airbrush in the air to attract some attention.*

*peeks around the corner*
Oops!
Asteroid Lil!! I think now would be a good time to sent the cleaning bot in again! The boys are all stuck together in here!
shazzPRME

I am into male bonding, but this is ridiculous. *grabs Shazz hand* We re going into the ladies, lot safer

*smiles* Great idea Garibaldi
shazzPRME

...help!...

wanders in, sees Superdreamer and pulls him out....

hehe, slightly better now?

*glug*
*A Peregrin-shaped lump in the molasses feebly blows bubbles*

*enters on his stilts - wearing a hockey-mask - pulls peregrin out of the sticky molasses - puts him in the nearest sink - then hides behind the nearest door as he hears someone coming*

i thought i'd bring you guys some lemon juice to help get the sticky stuff off.


*carefully hands bottle to peregrin in the sink*
*giggles at gooey stuff on the bottem of shoe*

man you guys sure do know how to make a mess!

Aaah that's better. *Perches on a clean pipe and sniggers at the state of the room*
How many times has this room been visited by the 24-hour cleanup crew so far?

*The door to the men's room is thrown open so hard it bangs against the wall, vibrating the pipe and dumping Peregrin back into the molasses*
*The cleaning bot stands at the entrance looking in at the mess*
*there is a growling noise from deep within its thorax and the CLI logo on its chest begins to glow*

*abruptly its legs lengthen to stilts and it strides over the mess to the stalls, where it yanks Pierce off his stilts and drops him on top of Peregrin*

WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*As hose attachment extrudes, the cleaning bot wields a pair of large rotary brushes with built in soap dispensers and begins to work around the middle of the room in a diminshing spiral, alternately spraying hot water and scrubbing, and screeching like a dentist drill*

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

AAAAARGH!!! I'm being cleaned! I won't stand for this.

*Peregrin gets sucked up into the cleaning bot's workings with its hoover attachment. Vague groans are heard from within*

*cleaning bot pins remaining human with brush attachment whilst stopping to consider contents of ballast container*

WHNNNNNNNNNNNNN - KACHING

*Metal flaps open outward on back of bot and small gloved hand on wooden extender pushes Peregrin out*

WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

*Peregrin's neatly washed, dried and folded clothing is placed on the floor next to Peregrin*

NOOOOOO!!! My dressing gown! It can't be CLEAN!!!

Oh - I didn't realise it was blue.

Hah MEN- you don't get this sort of mess in the ladies- or do you ? Maybe I should go and have a look...

*the cleaning bot can get no response from the other entity, which is evidently playing dead*
*As there is no more muck on the floor, the bot retracts cleaning gear with a quiet whrrrrrr of satisfaction and leaves*

*carefully opens one eye and peaks around the room*

Bot gone? Hey, who are you? And why are you almost wearing a blue dressing gown?

Whoops! *Peregrin quickly tears the shower curtain down to cover himself*

Whoops! *Peregrin notices that the shower curtain is translucent, and wraps his towel round himself instead*

Well, at least you now know that this presidential candidate has nothing to hide.

(predictable, I know)