h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The KrylmaCo Time Machine pops into existence right beside the remains of the former Rat-Ant nest in the Majick Forest. Minos Krylma, the leader of STUMPED exits the time machine, carrying a strange looking gun, and followed by some flunkies, and the narrator*

All right, Narrator! Fill us in on the plot so we can finish off our buisiness.

*The narrator clears his throat, and tells the following story in flashback form*


Narrator-Way back, shortly after h2g2 was founded, and right after the Majick Forest officially became a forest, Afgncaap5 noticed that his sword was glowing blue. This meant that there was danger nearby, and led to the eventual discovery of a giant rat-ant from the realm of Zork. After this, Afgncaap5 installed an anti rat-ant device that would safely prevent any further attacks.

Later on, there was a forest fire. This fire resulted in the destruction of the anti rat-ant machinery, and the rat-ants eventually found there way back to h2g2 to establish a permanant habitat. Despite several one-on-seventy-three attempts to shut down the nest by Afgncaap5, the nest stayed up. Since it posed no immediate threat, the nest was eventually ignored, left alone, and forgotten about. Forgotten about, that is, except by that villainous villain, Minos Krylma, current leader of the house of Krylma, and the organizer of STUMPED, the h2g2 villains syndicate.

Minos Krylma recognized the potential that the rat-ants had for guard duty, and so Minos left behind all of his fancy gizmos and gadget, and only a few lackeys, and went to speak to the rat-ant cheiftan.

Very few expected to find that the current leader of the rat-ants was Big Bad Werewolf, who had been seperated from his long time boss and friend Minos Krylma. Thanks to the easy communications that occured by this odd twist of fate, half of the rat-ants were transported to Hangar Infinity aboard the H2G2 Space Centre for their first assignment.

The other half, however, were destroyed in a brilliantly organized scheme by Styx the Rat and Amy the Ant, that....

KL-Brilliant? Bah! They broke continuity (how could something as big as a rat-ant be carried by normal ants through such a tiny pipe?), they attempted to commit genocide on an intelligent race of insects, and they....

Narrator-Hey, that doesn't change that the fact that it was brilliant, does it? Besides, they didn't know that rat-ants were so large, and....

KL-Look, just finish off what I paid you to say.

Narrator-Very well. The remaining rat-ants (along with the Queen Ant Egg that KL managed to pull from the wreckage of the flooded tunnels) were transported to safety within Planet X, the base of high-ranking STUMPED agent Masque of the Red Rejection eMail, where they were allowed to continueto grow and develop. Minos was somewhat mortified by the loss of his pets, and though he forgave Styx and Amy for their actions, he never truly did forget about the rat-ant incident. But now, Minos has stolen a CLI weapon that he plans on using to reclaim that which he believes to be his.

Can I go now?

*Minos nods his head as the Narrator heads off to wherever else he is needed on h2g2*

KL-Now, to buisiness!

*KL powers up his Continuity Gun, and targets the flooded tunnel entrance. His screen is covered with many temporal, continuital, physical, and spatial bits of information that he can alter*

Hmmm, what to do first....

Um, pardon me, Mr. Narrator sir, before you go can you please fill me in on how the Rat-Ants survived during Rupert? I don't recall seeing them on Yahoo! Groups...

I can fill that one in, d'E. You see, like all h2g2 creations, the rat-ants merely waited for a convenient time to show themselves to the mods, thus reducing their chances of being moderated away. I mean, just look around you. The Aroma Cafe, Lil's Atelier, CLI, Ampton, Planet X, the OmegaMatic, the h2g2 Post, Mindspring, the Magic Forest, Mt. SandEverest,....I mean, if practically every other h2g2 creation that wasn't carried along during the Great Unplugging survived, why shouldn't the rat-ants? These things could live through several nuclear explosions, after all.

[Elbert] Hi. I'm just watching.

For your own sake, I hope that's all you do, Elbert.

[Elbert] Well, sure. I'm neutral.

[Y2K enters]

[Y2K] So, you're neutral?

[Elbert] Shut up.

[Far off above, some yelling is heard. Link, Saria, a phoenix named Rodrigo, and a (male) witch named George Brooke (whose researcher is posting under the name Jack Sark for some reason) splash into the pond.]

I beg to differ here. Styx and I were both aware of the size of Rat-Ants. Are you aware of the size of Styx? The pipe in question was not a fiddling little one but a s*dding great sewer pipe owned and maintained by Bluebottle. And it is amazing what ants can carry when they try - there's a song about it.



*goes off singing* "Whoops! There goes another rubbertree plant..."


We're watching you lot.


"And they've got high hopes, they've got hi-i-i-gh hopes..."

[Y2K] Shut up! Are you so DENSE you didn't notice a Hero of Time, a green-haired Kokiri, a male witch, and a Phoenix crash down here??

[Elbert] Y2K, you're being kinda extreme.

[Y2K] So what?

*sea, having caught wind of something big going on, sends one of her best-trained fuzzies to monitor the situation*

*Chuckles and waves goodbye to Amy*

Bye Amy, and thanks for the heads up!

*To the assembled villains*

My goodness, she does do her job well, doesn't she? It'd almost be pointless to do this without expecting opposition. Of course, I'm very, very, very well prepared. This gun is half of an arsenal guaranteed to make me the victor of any battle, though. The other half will only need to be used in emergencies, though, so I'm confident that I can handle anything that anyone'll throw at us. After all, when continuity does what you tell it to do at the pull of a trigger, life just falls right into place!

And now, what damage to undo first....I think the flooded tunnels. I'll save the reverse genocide for later, and then I'll finally have my pets and my super guards for the Draco back! Ah, life will be so, so good.

Fortunately, I've not used any of the rat-ants that I pulled from the wreckage of this one yet, so history will not be affected if I just prevent myself from removing any.

*A mysterious presence that is watching an event that is directly linked to this one all the way back in Greece in the year 33 BC is thoroughly enjoying this turn of events. Where to intervene, it wonders. What plans do I foil, who do I grant victory to? The heroes? The villains? The neutrals? It didn't matter. All would fall together, as it always did, and life would go on*

> It'd almost be pointless to do this without expecting opposition.

Well, my sentiment exactly. What is the point of playing when every move made made your opposition can be immediately reversed by your continuity gun? in effect you will just be playing with yourself.

Again.

And that will make you blind, you know.

[George](as Oedipus) MY EYES!

[Link, Saria, and Rodrigo manage to pull themselves, and George (who keeps changing his screen name for some incomprehensible and unknowable reason), out of the water. Navi flies over to where he's close enough for KL to understand him.*]

[Navi] Hey! {If you erase the pond from existing, you /will/ be changing something happening! Link, Saria, Rodrigo, George, and I just had an adventure down there where we learned something that's vital to the existence of the Galaxy!}

[Link] And, -- Rodrigo, dry us off.

[Rodrigo lightly roasts the soaked Good Guys, just enough to dry them off]

[Link] Well, we learned some new skills.

[*Footnote: Navi speaks with echoes, no matter where he is. Beyond about three feet, the echoes reduce what he's actually saying to incomprehensibility.]

[George] Imaguine what further interferance in this feral ecosystem by harbor.

[Link] Um ... could you post something comprehensible?

[George] Wouldn't getting rid of those horrible rat-ants be a good thing?

[Link] Yeah, and that's what happened. KL is trying to stop it from ever having happened. And that makes me ... kinda mad. [winks at George et al]

hello. not interrupting anything am i? havent had an adventure in ages...

[Link] Knock yourself out. And I don't mean that literally.