h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*kicks his sister*

Get on with your job!

But I've retired.....

Really? Perhaps we'll get some peace and quiet around here then.

*Rising up from her long swoon, Mari-rae scrambles to her feet. Looking around she sees the big S and his unholy sister. She plants her little gloved fists on her ample hips, her flower sprigged church dress looking a little worse for wear and her veiled hat sitting askew on her hair which is falling down out of its usual bun.*

WHAT'S ALL THIS?!!!!

*She marches up toe to toe with Satan, and pokes him in the stomach with her purse.*

Just what do you think YOU are DOING?

*Looks Lucy up and down and sniffs.*

If you are going to go about dressed like that, the least you could do is put on clean underwear, dear.

I want you two to mind your manners. There will be no further funny business.

It's about time you woke up!

(pokes mari-rae back with his fork)

Be careful or I will doom you to eternal suffering in Hell. Well, actually, I think I will anyway. Bwahahahahaa!!!

Listen "hot stuff", in my time I've been stuck in gridlock traffic from the roof of the O'Hare Field parking garage that went on down the Kennedy expressway, At night In a blizzard. AND THAT was after holding and circling for two hours above Chicago with about 35 other jetliners, all running out of fuel and packets of smoked almonds while the air controllers were working with equipment that was installed in the 1950s. I've been to hell, buddy, and you aren't scaring ME. Now, are you going to behave yourself as you were told by Marv, or will I have to lose my temper?

*Tugs her dress straight and pushes her hat back down on her head, losing more pins out of her bun, but doesn't break eye contact with Satan.*

Yeah, you! Don't you threaten Mari-Rae!
If you do, you'll have to deal with ME!!!

*Satan towers up to his full height (8'9") and glowers darkly at Bluebottle*

So, you'll 'deal' with me will you? Exactly how do you intend to do that?

Well, it's simple.
You all sit in a circle around a table - preferably with a green cover.
Then you eat peanuts.
Then you drink beer.
Then you burp.
Loudly.
Then you take a pack of cards and you equally distribute them to all the people around the table. One card each, in turn.
Then you take out a flamethrower and you kill the person who has threatened Marie-Rae.

Simple.

Ah. Sounds fun.

And remember, when all you have is a flamethrower, every problem looks like hours of fun.

And it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

-Marv

*Secretly grasps Bluebottle's hand and squeezes it gratefully for his supportive words. Just then Emma crashes out of the trees and lumbers up to the group of people. Emma looks the worse for wear. The reclining lawn chair on her back is hanging off her side and the umbrella with the kittens is broken and hanging behind one ear like a demented flower. There is a self-satisfied air about the pachyderm. Humunguous follows her and stands looking rather proud of himself. Emma lifts her trunk behind Satan and his sister and bellows her loudest. They jump to the side and Emma moves forward, lowering her head to Mari-rae.*

Emma!

*Hugs her trunk.* My naughty girl! *Hugs her again.*

I think Humungous gould use a bath.

*points to convenient river. Pachyderm immediately obeys unspoken command and struts toward the river*

*draws self up to full height of 11'1" and stands behind mari-rae*

Don't threaten other Phreds.

Hey, uhh, not to interrupt but, WHAT'S WRONG WITH A DEMENTED FLOWER?!?

Dr. D

Wha?...

LOL!! Nothing, if you happen to like demented flowers.

Thank you, Kuma! ~Rubs his tummy while looking way, way up at him.~

*Removes the umbrella and other paraphenalia from Emma's back and leads her down to the river too. The other elephants move resitvely from foot to foot flapping their ears and wondering if they are going to be allowed a nice bath too.*

Well if other people are allowed their pets here then so can I.

(a sulphurous rift opens in the ground and Satan's pet dragon flies up in a cloud of purple smoke)

Here, dragon dragon. Good dragon.

(the dragon looks down at the elephants hungrily)

Leave them alone. You can eat later.

Satan, I'm all for dragons and all but, this is an Elephant Trek. And besides, your dragon is scaring the Elephants! How are we going to get anything done with our elephants scared to death?

Dr. D

Humungous doesn't seem scared. Of course he may just be too stupid to get frightened.