h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Emma crashes into the trees. Mari-rae is scraped off her back and is left dangling from a branch high overhead. Emma trumpets again, then an answering rumbling trumpet is heard. It is much deeper in tone.*

I can see them! It IS Humunguous!! They're acting funny now. They're butting their heads and winding their trunks together. They're circling each other. Wait a minute. What? Oh! Oh no! OH MY GODESS!

*She lets go of the branch and falls to the ground. She lays there staring up, quite pale.*

Kumabear? Now I know why you called him Humunguous.

THAT was not why I named him that!

ROFL

*opens another beer and hopes people don't realise he has no idea what is going on...*


*realises it will be very hard for anyone to tell the difference but it does save him from having to read all the postings for the last week or so*

*Having now read all the postings he had missed, for some reason starts wondering if he has room to install a shower...*

Hmm... will you having a shower interfere in any way with my burning things???

Bwahahaaa! I will overcome you all!!! I am ready to invade the world with my legions of evil Blonde Brownies!

(vanishes in a puff of brownish-green smoke)

Listen not to the Evil One!
-Archbishop Marv

Listen to me, fools!! You've been deceived! Follow not the False Brownies!

Instead, revert to Satanism. It's very nice, really. It's just had a lot of bad press. My followers are actually all about flowers, and ...er... happiness... and ... stuff.

Just sign here for your complimentary long happy life.

Are they well-burning flowers???

But of course.

Can I burn wells instead?

Please do not be decieved by the Evil One. The life as a Phred is not ardous, please do not stray!

Can I declare Satan an infidel and burn him??!?!?

Only if you agree to eternal suffering and torment.

Can't I just disagree with all of that and burn you anyway?
I'll do it very artistically, lighting your eyes up nicely, and keeping attention away from those ugly horns on your head...

You might have some trouble burning me seeing as I'm built to survive in Hell. And I'm immortal. And I have an eternal fire raging in my belly. (breathes a foul smelling flame) See?

Shall we smite "The Fallen One", your Eminence?

Just say the word and your zealots will spring into action.

*wonders where mari-rae has gotten to*

*Loves a good burning challenge...*

Smite away my sheep.

Smite away your sheep? OK then.

(Marv's flock of cute fluffy white sheep explode spontaneously in a cloud of sulphur. Evil-smelling lumps of roast lamb rain down on everyone)

BwahahahaHAHAHAAAAAAaaaahhh!!!! I love doing that. anyone else want smiting?