h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Humungous seems to have wandered off again.

Where's the beer?

Its in the bar fridge as always.

*Sits up holding her head.*

I see by your subject that you are anxious to get to Italy and get parked in a nice Villa and all. Me too. Whistle up Humo and help me onto Emma, and we can get started again. Enjoy your beer first though, of course.

*She stands unsteadily and goes back over to the river to urge Emma to come out of the water. She catches her reflection in the lapping waves.*

EEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!

*Runs and hides in the bushes.*

What's wrong?

(thinks; I look like I got hit by lightning! What does he mean, what's wrong?)

For the love of the Brownie and all the Holy Recipes, please find my purse and hand it to me!

*Nervously touches her hair which is standing straight out on end all over her head in every direction. It feels crispy.*

*Looks for purse.*
Don't worry - lightning won't strike twice in the same place...

*Frantically feels her nose which she must've banged somehow, as it is twice its size. Her eyes feel like they are blackening up, too.*

I look like a train wreck!

*Sadly regards her dress. It is smeared with mud and torn. Her shoes are missing and her pantyhose is in shreds.*

~sniff, sob~

Well, let's just get back on our elephants. I believe there is a shop just up the road. Since being named a Junior Pastor my the Archbishop I have access to some of the churches funds. They are only to be spent on those in need...and you are sure as hell in NEED!

*whistles for Humungous. The elephant knocks over two trees as he returns from the woods on the other side of the river*

*Finds and old plastic grocery bag under the bushes and puts it over her head. She drags herself out and gets on Emma.*

(sniff, sob)

Nasty - evil - horrid Satan!!!

*Emma and Humungous walk side by side, twining and untwining their trunks. Soon the store Kumabear spoke of appears. Mari-rae slips off Emma and rushes inside. After a long while she reappears wearing a periwinkle blue pants suit with a cream shell and matching shoes. Her hair has been washed, cut stylishly short and blown dry. She has presents for everyone; a brown fedora for Kumabear, Calvin Klein aftershave for Bluebottle, a silk ascot tie for Linus, a warm cardigan for the Archbishop, and cashmere socks for Dr. D, if he ever returns. She remounts Emma, sets up her reclining lawn chair, mixes a nice large vt, and settles herself with a happy sigh.*

Would anyone else care for a vodka and tonic?

Aye my dear. I would dearly love a drink just about now!

BTW Virtual B-Day party for your Archbishop starting on thurs 21 sept.

My birthday is tomorrow. So, when I come to your party I expect to be kissed.

address?

*Makes a nice large vt for Archbishop Marv and hands it to him.*

Your new red robes are very handsome.

No address just yet. I will get one soon tho.

Marv

Help me drown my sorrows - I mean, celebrate my birthday (today) at http://www.h2g2.com/F30840?thread=77319&latest=1 :-)

After a very long absence (no internet), Dr. D. returns to the fold! Thanks for the socks Mari-rae! Marv, I know where the non-virtual party is but, where the hell is the virtual one going to be?

Dr. D

It will be on my homepage as soon as the magic hour has passed!~

Honey, I wish I knew. That was the worst b'day of my life as I was all alone and feeling very sorry for myself. There were some very special phone calls that brightened me up, though. Oh well, that's over! Now we can celebrate Marv's birthday!!!!(today)

Thanks Mary.

Happy Birthday everyone!
Sorry I wasn't here - I've been off the last couple of days and will be off the next couple of days as it is my sister's birthday and one of my housemates birthdays.

Looks like lots of Christmas babies about...
(September = 9 months after December)