h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

very nice article. By the way, did anybody stop to think 42 thursdays from WHAT? I know I suggested that time period for our new year myself, but I didn't stop to think about it. Is next thursday new years?

Hey, not to inject any seriosity into this forum, but I was wondering if you would tell me what an axyolotl was - is that the little parrot thingy that climbs trees in its juvenile years, but learns to fly when it grows up? If not, what's that thing called, I keep forgetting...

where on earth did that come from?

I think I begin to understand Britain's reputation for cuisine...

An axolotl, Ambystoma mexicanum, is a salamander unique to some areas of Mexico. Axolotls are said to be neotenous; they can live and breed in what is really a larval, more or less undeveloped form. Many salamanders have gills when they are very young, but as they mature and develop lungs, their gills shrink and eventually disappear. Axolotls are thought to have evolved from Ambystoma tigrinum, the tiger salamander - larval tiger salamanders look so much like baby axolotls that it's nearly impossible to tell them apart.

Axolotl > Salamander

Homo Sapiens > Great Ape

It's a thought.

I thought you'd like axolotls, they're one of those bizarre half way house creatures. Of course they can't get together and transform into a super-salamander, but you can't have everything!!

But of course it may have been the ocelot.

Feline mammel, inhabitating the forests of Central and Southern America and having a dark-spotted buff-brown coat.

I stayed up late drinking kumquat brandy just in case it was

well then, it must be! remember we've got a week to go here... eat heartily and drink deep, the kumquats giveth strength of faith, brothers and large-glanded sisters!

Righteous Knights! The Potentate of Pletheral Punishment is not pleased! Celebrating the honored New Year alone is something no cultist should be relegated to! I hereby challenge all ye would be faithful to celebrate, or face my judgement!
Court is now in session at: http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=23509&thread=24107 the faithful have nothing to hide, present yourselves and be redeemed. The heretics among ye shall be hunted down like witches in the Crucible.

Where is Shazz's membership, Merkin? How can I condemn the less faithfull if you won't give them membership?

Ahem, that's a very good point, and one which I shall rectify at my earliest inconvenience...

Thank you. Now that Shazz is the Nameless Nemissis of Northampton, I think we'll all rest a little sounder. Another round of meat pies and kumquat brandy on me!

Hurrah, and get thee to the voting booths, that our cult may be installed as the rightful governance of this emperiled land!! Obviously the nameless nemesis can't vote, being the adjudicator, but maybe with enough kumquat brandy and a little friendly persuasion... shazz have I ever shown you our inner temple?

Ah, the wonders of the "Califonia Room"...

"Lo! ThUS the very SUN shall rise and sMIte thine igNORAnce and perDItion! Thou HAST nigh unto the PARAdox of KumQuats hath forGOTTen thine semi-hoLY PomeGRANates! Even as the FIERY might of the trUE KUMQUATS verIly burneth the feared Ketteringisterismianites, the FREEzing wraTH of the VERY most RighTEOUS Pomogranates strIKE Terror into the hearts of Those Nextdoor!!"
--The Kumquat Scrolls, 456 B.C. (roughly translated from the original Googleplexian)

"....and there shall come a great reckoning, as though the fruit rising up from out of the Earth, when the Stars are aligned with the triangulation of the planets combined into...the sum of the square root of negative...one--then will the kumquats be mighty in vengeance, and the Pomogranate and the Kumquat shall lie together, in harmony with the celestial spheres; that this day shall pass, it shall not be counted as come until the Invisible One cometh, that he will be among their midst unseen until he reveals himself--that ageless part of the wholeness of Bob, and master of the...Fruit of power and fearful wrath, yet friend to all Kumquat wielders; he will not come in icy flaming glory, yet humble as a slice of Pork Pie, and by this he shall be known...*...and his name shall be giveth: The Grand High Pomogranate..."
--Lysidrea Stones, found 1849, age not known
*here was found a mysterious device inscribed in the rock, resembling more of a question mark with a spiky mane--origin unknown

"The greatest wisdom is to know the pomogranate from the melon"
--Ancient Buddhist Koan

My credentials are therefore known...

Would you accept a repenitent Californian whose distinctively not female? I don't have any children, but I'm sure I'd be weeping for them...

I humbly submit mine self to thy wisdom and guidance...mostly.

Ma'huish U'qui Ketyrgh

Gosh!
shazz

As the Potentate of Pletheral Punishment, I hear sentence this Grand High Pomegranite to consume his body weight in Kumquat Brandy while reciting his own sermons. Upon the completion of this task, his repentance shall be complete, and he shall be baptized into the Righteous Knights of Kettering. He shall also have quite a hangover the next morning, but, being in california, no one will notice the difference. I also demand that he find and brainwash eight well endowed females from his home state, unless of course he lives in San Francisco, in which case I demand proof that they are indeed female before he brainwashes them. I've got nothing against transvestites, really, except that it gets awfully confusing in the inner sanctum of the temple, and I'd like to know what I'm getting into.

Ish thet all? Im dun wish the KummerQuatt Braney...ish'a good ting I whey not all much too...er...two mush..

wurkin' on dem femaless...due u want brains scrubbed, oar jush puut in wash machi..mache...machene an' then dryed?

oops, nevuur mind...

*thud*

oush....

oh, er...
I not in frisco, but were bourn der lang ego...

femls of whitch i have seven yet...

well, least your not in frisco. Just get their brains clean enough to get em into the cult, that'll be fine, just fine.