h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is a fungus in MacGregor's beard which wins prizes each year. Last year it was champignon of champignons at the Hemel Hempstead Bricklaying and Culinary Gala. Ynys Kupz, ninteenth dan arch-druid and tree surgeon, has suggested that it may be the one true fungus lost so many years ago by Gavin the Orange during the kumquat wars.He has also suggested acts of indecent friendliness in the rhubarb pagoda, but that was after one pork pie too many.

I see that your tounge burns with the fire of the sword of Kettering!

"And so it will come to pass in the dys of Vanya's Hexagon. And there will be popery, shrubbery and numismatism amongst the people. Yn Bobble Hatty'ed shall rise from the flungy pits of Deptford, spreading festering plagues of unseemly advertising, and loose his grimly acolytes. And on Thursday a warm front moving in from the Atlantic will bring heavy showers." Thus spake the sage, and verily doth my tongue burn with hys blessed dystopia.