h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, don't mind the MSTing. They're just being wiseguys.



[Link, Squall, & Roll] Hey!!

Just to add my commentary, does it strike anybody that the armory, being in the same direction as the barracks, might contain the gaurds who are meant to be armed in the armory? Just a thought.

I want to get to those teleporters. So let's head that way.

*Starts heading that way*

*Follows* Big guns! I wanna big gun.

*pats her H&K*

Perhaps I can pick up something a little more lethal than Brussel Sprouts.

[Bass] Let's GO then!

*sets her nanogun to webjello so that she'll have time to think things through if they're attacked, and follows*

*Continues walking until he notices something on the floor. Stoops down to examine it.*

*It seems to be little more than a nugget of platinum*

*The path forks here, with each passage labelled for its respective destination. The passages for the Barracks, Armory, and Warehouse seem relatively close together, though the path to the teleporter is not too distant either. Guarding these passages is a large and strangely desgined machine. The only recognizeable features of the device are a keyboard, a monitor, and a gigantic lever*

*walks over to see if there's anything on the screen*

*Nope*

*keeps an eye on the other fork in case anything sneaks down it*

[Bass] Bah. I say we just blast our way through! [aims] ... Aw, whatever, it probably won't work anyway. [lowers his Buster]


[Link] And, once again, the plot is saved by sour grapes.

*Affy's voice seems to come from within the machine*

Hello? That you, Bass? You're one of Wily's, right?

[Bass] ... Huh!? "ONE of Wily's"!? He made me to be the most powerful robot in the world! ... well, except for my sisters, but still!!

*Affy can be heard chuckling from within the machine*

Affy-Yeah, that was his intent, wasn't it? Wonder where he went wrong....anyway, I need help out of this thing! Dr. Sartasmus tossed me into this....contraption here. I'm actually in a kind of pocket dimension thing, so I'm not actually *in* the machine, or even the castle grounds come to think of it....fortunately, the portal to this place is here. Anyway, you guys don't have a chance down here if you don't know Dr. Sartasmus. He's rigged this whole place like a haunted house! If you go back, you're *not* going to find the exit back to the graveyard, no matter how hard you look for it. Believe me, I tried. If we can get to the Philosopher's Stone, then we'll be able to make it out of here because he's using it as a kind of mystical battery. I know where the stone is, but you're going to have to let me out of here. Pull the lever to turn the machine on! And hurry, before a skeleton or zombie or....well, we've got about an hour before he lets the Lich out, so you're probably safe for the time being. But still, I wouldn't tarry.

[Bass] Whatever. [pulls the lever]

*The machine begins to hum, and a few jets of steam activate. The monitor turns on, displaying a menu with three options: diagnostics, release, and ensnare*

Use the keyboard to tell it to let me out! The release option! Hurry!

*at the mention of Lichs, goes slightly pale*

I do hate those things, they take ages to kill with loads of complicated spells.

But it's a relief to have found you, Affy.

Hurry up and release him, Bass, the passages are clear this way, but I can hear some rustling further along.

*picks up chunk of platinum*

Hey, Affy, whil Bass works those controls, would you mind doing a quick ID check for us? You must understand that when we're surrounded by supervillains, there's always the chance that they've cloned you or something, you know? Last time we found you it turned out to be a primitive anscestor of yours who had been brainwashed to kill us.

An ID check? Um, no....go right ahead. Probably a good move. Wouldn't be the first time that there'd been evil versions of me running around. I had a me from an alternate Universe once try to drain the Omniverse of all of its life energy. One of the more enjoyable times that I've dealt with Professor Tonks, really.