h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*grumbling as she waits to see the efect of her shot*

Couldn't you have come in with Ian and Sylvia instead, you crazy Canuck?

If I get there before the snowflies...

*keeps Irv covered*

Nice to see you GL, in the here and now, or is it the there and then?

*Skip practically has the mol in the box with one hand, and is trying to close the box with the other*

Skip-Hurry, you cretinous chemist, GET OVER HERE WITH THAT VIAL!

*Avogadro sees the two nanogun shots, and dodges accordingly*

Avogadro-HA! Avogadro thinks that you need to spend more time at the shooting lane! Now, to pour the vial's contents on Skip....

*However, as he opens up the vial he is struck by a glancing blow of greens, and the vial jumps from his hand. Somehow, it lands and balances perfectly on Skip's head*

Avogadro-Skip, just lean forward and you'll douse yourself with it.

*Avogadro notes the button about to be pressed*

Avogadro-NO! YOU FOOL! THAT'S THE BUTTON THAT....Wait....no, sorry, that's the button to press if you want to use the machine to double as a microwave power source. We don't have a microwave connected at the moment, so it won't do much of anything.

*As Avogadro throws a vial of acid at the button pressing foe, VolTerror jumps out of the snare and glares at Irv*

VolTerror-That thing'll capture me? Sorry, that's no Totemizer. Look bud, if I was an energy being, maybe it would work like that. Buy I'm going to tell you that if I was an energy being, I would've either jumped through that whip of yours, or set it on fire. Sure, if you shoot me I might have to, say, jam a fork into an electrical outlet or take a bath while making toast, or carry a flag pole on the top of a hill during a lightning storm, but it's not a setback that I'm concerned about. I'm an energy conduit, not an energy wave, mister. Furthermore, the contents of the box is our concern, not yours. Get it?

*To punctuate his speech, VolTerror jumps in the air, using electrical blasts from his shoes (made from a highly conductive leather) as a form of propulsion. He alights on top of the box, enters a ready stance, and begins creating a massive sphere of lightning between his hands*

[Yar jumps to the side, poking it with the Force, and causing the vial to hit the Machine's controls instead.]

*Irving notes that Skip has only to move slightly to put the mole in the box, which apparently would allow the device to work in some diabolical manner. He notes that the weird liquid that would have allowed Skip to do this in a much more timely fashion has spilled over that machine's controls, having an unknown effect. He notes that, while he has constantly been reassured that his back is being covered, no one else seems to be trying to take out VolTerror, who (Irving also notes) is his most immediate threat. He notes AC/DC's notes, which are heralding (quite literally) Garius Lupus' timely enterance. He fires his energy capture ray at VolTerror, hopping this will neutralize the threat from that direction*

GL! Good to see you! Can you do me a huge favor and either stop that guy over there from putting that rodent into that box, or quickly scan this box over here for signs of life?

Drat! Missed! *draws out her Healthstone* Right, then. *concentrates ill health on Volterror*

* a moment later a nimbus of greenish unlight begins to creep up Volterror's legs*

Point of Clarification: Is a "nimbus of ... unlight" anything like a penumbra?

I rejected the term 'penumbra' because of the implied shape and because this isn't a shadow, it's an unlight.

*exhausted, and because AC/DC rather threw her off her stride , Sol stops stomping. Panting, she rumages in her bag and brings out a handful of small white pellets.

The chalk flies with deadly accuracy at VoltTerror.*

Mess with a teacher, will you?

If Voltarol is just an energy conductor, couldn't we just plug his conduit?

I'm still covering your back, Irv, but there is only a wall behind you!

*Swings round quickly to fire a couple of rounds at the bad guys*

Sorry about the AC/DC guys - it was a random pick. Although I do like the song and it is kinda appropriate. Perhaps next time I teleport, I'll actually choose the background music. Why the suit requires background music in the first place is beyond me, but it won't work without it. Maybe some Simon and Garfunk...

*notices the mayhem around him and registers Irv's requests*

Oh, I guess I'd better get into the action. I'll go for the guy near the box, Irv, with my superspeed legs.

*GL lifts his left leg and twists his arms to the left in the characteristic "about-to-run" posture seen in any cartoon. There is a "pzinggggg" sound and GL disappears from his corner and instantly appears sprawled on the floor about 6 feet to the left of Skip, with wires tangled around his feet.*

Damn, I overshot and tripped on the wires that go from the box to the tower. Oh look! One of the wires ripped out!

[Mog] And somewhere in the universe, a bounty hunter's tan spaceship exists.

Good to know the bounty hunter's ship has had time to catch some rays.


*Figures that between the damage the liquid did to the device's controlls, and the wire being ripped out, Skip's mole won't really do much to activate whatever it is the device does. Concentrate's on VolTerror, waiting to see if his energy drain worked.*

Point of clarification: I had thought that the stuff that YK dodged, thus making it hit the controls, was the vial of acid tossed at him, not the unkown chemical precariously balancing on Skip's head, seeing as how Skip would rather find it impossible to toss anything in his current condition. Please inform me if I'm wrong on this.


*Skip has, by this time, leaned forward enough to cause the vial on his head to fall over him, thus causing him to speed up again, and get the mole into the box succesfully. Skip frowns, however, when the machine automatically kicks into the "on" mode, and notes also that someone seems to have ripped all of the safety control wiring out of commission. He glances at Avogadro as the two of them duck and dodge the enemy fire*

Skip-What happened while I was in the goo? It looks like someone poured acid onto the controls, thus making the circuit impossible to ever be shut off, and that all of the safety wiring was destroyed! With the fully functional mole inside the box, this machine should be automatically in high gear! Due to the lack of controls or safety mechanisms, WE CAN'T SHUT IT DOWN!

Avogadro-Hmmm....Avogadro believes that we should be concerned....

Skip-OF COURSE WE SHOULD BE CONCERNED!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT MY MACHINE DOES???

Avogadro-No. You wouldn't tell us. Avogadro recalls the two of us asking you repeatedly what this thing does.

*VolTerror does not notice the machine, however, as he is more concerned with the strange appearance on his leg. He jerks in response to it, jerking the coloration right into the path of Irv's beam. Irv's blast effectively removes the energy of Lil's attack, causing the two to cancel each other out. VolTerror has a fairly surprised look on his face, but that doesn't stop him from releasing the beachball-sized sphere of electricity from his hands*

VolTerror-Let's see how these heroes enjoy sphericial lightning! I should have enough control over it to keep it from damaging any of our stuff, and make sure that it only targets the heroes.

*As he says this very sentence, the sphere of lightning darts in Lil's direction*

Look out Lil, ball lightning coming your way!

*wishes she had a protection from lightning scroll, but remembers the rubber gloves; the left one in the left upper leg pocket and the right one in her right upper leg pocket*

*slings the H&K over her shoulder, secure on its strap, shoves both hands in the appropiate pockets and does a Gordan Banks on the ball lightning, hurling it back at the machine*

*thinks, as the lightning comes her way: Gee, I never used this stone to protect myself in a fight before. I hope it works that way*

*she doesn't have time to do anything but reflexively thrust the stone, clenched in her fist, into a pocket before the lightning strikes*

Ack!

*Lil's hair stands on end quite spectacularly, and crackles with St.Elmo's fire. She staggers backward into the Acid Monster, who screams as the surge of current basically fries him or her*

*the reaction causes a cloud of hot toxic gas and steam to disperse upward, where it condenses on the metal struts high overhead and begins to eat through them*

*And then, as Lil staggers further back and sits down hard on the desk (remember the desk?) looking dazed, a strange thing happens; the ball of lightning that engulfed her seems to find an equilibrium, and surrounds her like a thick skin of crackling lethal luminescence*

Apologies for extreme and blatant discontinuity -- I did not see Caer's post here when I wrote my bit of action, which makes no sense considering it was two hours earlier.

Could we assume that the lighting ball slipped through Caer's Gordon Banks gloves, or that it ricocheted back at me, or is my post totally invalid?

*awaits adjudication*

If we were to follow the strict laws of continuity, then your post would be totally invalid because Caer's post said that she hurled the lightning at the machine. It's always possible that we could let it slide, but that would set a precedent that could be cited in future combat forums for legalized breaches of continuity.

Besides, the ball lightning should actually provide for a decent demonstration as to what the machine does.


*The ball lightning heads towards the bell of the machine, and looks as if it is about to enter it. However, mere moments before this can occur, another sphere of energy, this one appearing as if it is static on a television set, appears in its way. The spherical lightning vanishes into the static sphere which, after only a few seconds, begins to grow. All three villains cease their current activities to gape in awe at the sphere*

VolTerror-Skip....now might be a good time to tell us just what-

Skip-We're in trouble.

VolTerror-Ah. I assumed as much.

Avogadro-Avogadro has never seen anything like this before!

Skip-I can't control it now! Without the controls, this thing's going to envelope the entire warehouse! If I remembered to charge the battery, this thing could take out ALL OF H2G2 ISLAND!

VolTerror-Can't we just destroy this thing?

Avogadro-Doubtful. The only weak point is located deep within the machine, and there simply isn't enough time! While someone could hypothetically get into there before the sphere enveloped them, it is highly doubtful that the internal machinery wouldn't kill them. Anyone who destroys this machine will most likely perish.

*The three villains eye each other from opposite sides of the room. Then all of their eyes move to the crate*

Skip-VolTerror, do you still have that specialized mind control device?

[Yar] Nuh-uh, we aren't doing any mind control.

[Mog] Hmm ... We need someone who's either willing to die, or has some spare bodies and/or can be rebuilt. You know, like some kind of WilyBot or something.

[Bass and Treble choose that moment to teleport in. He points his Buster towards the three Villains]

[Bass] Okay, where's the adventurer? ... [notices others] Why are you guys staring at me like that?

OK


*recovering from the near miss* Thanks Caer -- you're what we call a real soccer mom!

Irv, I have the cooler. We need to fish or cut bait here.

*looks across at the newcomers near Yar* Four! That's all now, d'ye hear? Pleased to meet y'all -- Yar, have they got specialties that would come in useful right now?