h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Affy4-You dare suggest that I doff the crown offered by the Lord of Lightning, the Master Alchemist, and Skip?

*In so saying, Affy4 tugs the whip in such a way as to try and make Irv crash into Bass, while using the tug's momentum to make himself roll out of the blaster's way*

*Still in the air*

Of course not, it's just that it may get damaged in this fight, or maybe in the fight you're about to get in through the portal. It's so beautiful, I would hate to see it damaged.

*Crashes heavily into Bass*

*sotto voce to other Angels*
Here's what I think. I think we should jump into that portal NOW. Nothing we do has any effect on these clowns, and if we can get to wherever ahead of Affy4, there might be time for a quick cuppa.

Good thinking, Lil!

Who's going first?

[Bass yells and tries to untangle himself from Irving, firing wildly. Chunks of the ceiling start to fall down.]

[Mog] Yep, that punk feels lucky.

[Yar] Figures. Okay, how about /I/ go first, since I haven't done anything ELSE useful yet?

OK Yar. Lead on. The Angels are right behind you.

*Sets her nano-gun to 'stun'*

Okay, I'm ready. Well, I'm not really ready, but what the heck. Let's go.

*the force of the explosions coming from Kudos has pushed him across the room to a rather safer spot. Safer for everyone ELSE, that is. The explosions abruptly stop near the portal, and all in the room can hear Kudos cursing and screaming as he heads to... wherever the portal leads*

Well, Affy4 may be strong for a human, but this suit gives me the strength of, um, something really really strong. I can hold him while the rest of you go through the portal and rescue the real Affy.

*GL gets up from the floor where he was lying after running into the whale. He takes on the cartoon about-to-run posture, there is a PZIIING sound and he disappears from where he was standing and reappears about 6 feet to the left of Affy4. He wraps his arms around the thin air in front of him, then looks around in confusion. He spots Affy4 to his right, takes on the about-to-run posture. PZIIIIINNNG! He appears about 5 feet to the right of Affy, grabs an armful of air, looks confused, spots Affy4 to his left, etc, etc. He slowly narrows in on Affy4.*

*Kudos vanishes, and dissapears to F125887?thread=282189 while Affy4 let's Irv's message sink in*

Affy4-Hmmm....you may have a point. However, informed have I been that this noble circlet increases my chances towards victory!

*VolTerror runs up to right behind Affy4*

VolTerror-Don't listen to him! He's an evil mentalist bent on destroying your mind! If you remove the crown, your mind will be reversed! You shall see good as bad and bad as good! Avogadro, myself, and Skip will suddenly seem to be enemies in your mind, and you will wish to fight with these intruders!

Affy4-*Pondering* If what you say is true....

Skip-*Running up* Oh, it is! Every word is true! This crown is the only thing keeping your mind on the right track!

Avogadro-*Also running up* Avogadro insists that it stay on! You are the greatest hero working for us, and if you fail so shall we!

Affy4-Hmmm. Very well then! I shall refrain from doffing my crown, and don my ill will towards these villains with renewed vigor!

Skip-That's the spirit! *Skip slaps Affy4 on the back, just hard enough to knock the crown off of Affy4's head. There are a few stunned moments of silence as the three villains slowly back away, and a confused look crosses Affy4's face*

Affy4-Wait....I believe memories are flooding my intelligence!

VolTerror-No! The mentalist is playing a trick on you!

Affy4-I don't believe so. In fact....the only evil mentalist here is you, oh lightning lord!

*Affy4 lunges faster than the eye can see, picks up Skip, and throws him at VolTerror, knocking them both into a large wooden crate*

Avogadro-Avogadro's Number! ATTACK!

*The remainder of the mol of moles rushes Affy4, who can pick them up and throw them at Avogadro before any one of them can touch him. Avogadro is soon buried beneath a fairly large pile, just as VolTerror and Skip very slowly stand up. They try to run, but they aren't running straight*

Sorry, GL. Missed your post. Does my post contradict yours, or do you think it doesn't because you hadn't yet managed to reach Affy4?

No contradiction. I'm working my way through an infinite series.


*GL gets so used to the routine that he now skips the "confused" part and just turns and PZINGs without thinking. Suddenly, he notices that Affy4 is battling the Coalition. GL stops his motion and simply watches the action for a moment.*

Well, looks like everything is under control here. I'm heading through the portal, then.

*GL does his about-to-run posture and PZIIIINNNNNG thing and disappears*

Well Fought, Afgncaap4! I knew you'd free yourself in the end!

*Disappears throug the portal, after reloading*

*Affy4 notices the badly running VolTerror and Skip. He outruns them, grabs them both, and hurls them to the mole-hill that is slowly turning into a mountain as he tosses ever more moles at it*

[Yar goes through the portal, cursing at the fact that he's neither done anything useful nor done anything special. Bass, Treble, and Mog shrug and follow.]

*Affy4 waves goodbye as he continues to toss the moles*

I'm coming, I'm coming.

*Straightens the seams on her stockings and leaps into the test pattern.*

Come on Lil!

*Follows Witty*

Nice work, liberated one! And foo on you, evil ones!

*follows the other angels*

*Follows*