Welcome to the Anti-Cat Federation - Scientific Research Facility and Armoury the place where the ACF's secret weapons are developed and built for use against the cat menace in the Cat War. The facility is linked to the outside world through Red Dog's secret tunnel complex accessed from the closet in his u-space.

The ACF-SRFA is also responsible for the mass production of ACF weaponry and the Arsenal.

The events of the Cat War are kept in the Cat War Diary in the Dog House - the main Command Post and meeting place for the coalition of h2g2 creatures fighting the cats.

ACF Weaponry and Special Forces

The Trojan Cat

Deployed in the first Dog attack on the Cathouse the Trojan Cat was built of wood and contained :-

• A dozen stray cats rounded up off the streets by the Dogs.
• A tape recording of sniggering dogs (Muttley Style) used to fool the Cats into thinking that there were Dogs inside.

After several days of effort the Trojan Cat was built and hauled to the Cathouse. When the Cats set fire to the wooden structure the Dogs started to celebrate thinking that they had fooled the Cats (a premature congratulation) only to find that Cats had released the strays and substituted them with next-doors Alsatians. In a rescue mission Red Dog is captured and Henna'd by the Cats before escaping. Retiring to the Dog House licking his wounds the slightly pinkish Red Dog starts plotting his revenge.

The Trojan Cat II

An upgraded, be-weaponed TC mk II with fabulously enhanced features has now been developed to replace the torched TC mk I. The full specification for the Mk II is as follows:

• Appearance - The Mk II is akin to the Imperial landstriders from the Empire Strikes back - you know from the Ice-Planet Hoth. Think of that in Dog form .... only a bit faster and not so inclined to fall over.
• Offensive Weaponry - 2 x full motion, spring dampened turrets with Karcher high pressure water sprays. 4 x small bore, pneumatic Turd Hurlers. 1 x air-portable, water-cooled, belt-fed, tripod-mounted Curiositizer (can kill Cats). 1 x servo-actuated, articulated tail. 4 x sets of permanently engaged tungsten-carbide claws.
• Defensive capability - Chobham laminated armour plated hide.
• Power train - four-legged, all-terrain drive and V-144 propulsion system with fuel injection.
• Crew comfort - capable of taking an ACF crew of 6, Six-way power bucket leather seats, Anti-lock brakes and cruise control. 6 x wicker sleeping baskets for long missions with nice wool blankets. Bone store.
• Role - Offensive assault-mode support and static defensive capabilities both exist.

The Atomic-Kitten Bomb

The Crap-o-matic

A tracked Armoured Fighting Vehicle (AFV) with side sponsons mounting large calibre pneumatic tubes for delivery of Douglas Hurds. Multiple target tracking technology and automated reloading gives the AFV quick-fire salvo capability.

The Navy

We're talking fast, sleek attack boats. We're talking stealth technology and we're talking of leather bucket seats, a T-shift and multiple rocket launchers mounted fore and aft in gas operated quick-response turrets. We're talking Jet Black with chrome deck fittings, blood-red piping and a crazy RedFish logo running down the sides above the waterline just above the electronic counter-measure and flare pods.

Picture a skull and crossbones snapping in the wind as the turbo kicks in and a curve of spray leaps from the bow. Powered by twin LM2000 marine turbines this baby can really motor - it can outrun anything that can outfight it and outfight anything that has it beat for legs. It's called the ACFS Crimson Shark. The Navy is led by Admiral RedFish and the Naval Headquarters is here.

The suspicious disappearance of Admiral RedFish is presently being investigated by ACF Counter-Espionage. Command of the Navy has been delegated in his absence to Pinniped.

The ACF Navy has been recently augmented by Sticky Boats. Designed and built by Artenshiur they are quite fast, about 20 metres long, each with 16 jetski dropchutes, 20 x marsmallow machine guns with accompanying small stream waterguns and two foremounted swiveling beehive cannon.

The armament is entirely nonlethal when used properly, but highly effective and very sticky. The marshmallow guns are 1.00 calibre gatling putting out a rate of fire of three hundred marsmallows per minute. The water guns have been provided for the sole purpose of making the marshmallows even more more sticky. The beehives are inhabited, only fire at a distance and have a slow rate of fire and reload capability.

The Sticky Boats have one additional and very distinctive design feature not normally seen in Naval vessels - the controls are remarkably user friendly and brakes have been kindly provided.

The ACF Marines

The Elite Arm of the ACF the Corps of Marines are under the inspired leadership of the Krylma Leader. Old Marines never die - they just go to Hell and regroup. Also in the Marines is the very wierd Dog-Fish

The Curiositizer

The Curiositizer was invented by Big Bad Werewolf and works on the principle that curiosity kills cats. The portal to the Curiositizer can be found here and the trap itself here.

The ACF Airforce

The combat aircraft of choice for the Airborne Elite of the ACF is the Sopwith Pup. The Fly Boys are led by Busterbone. You'll find the airforce types at Fighter Command waiting for the chance to scramble. Toodle-pip.

The Cloning Vat

Designed, built and operated by RedFish, ACF Cloning technology has been used to create clones of well known Cats that are now controlled by the ACF. First clone is a Fish-Cat hybrid called soeasilycloned.

In a bizarre accident in the Cloning Vat Laboratory Red Dog and Uncle Heavy somehow managed to create several duplicates of themselves that are now running around H2G2 making a nuisance and creating havoc with continuity. At least two Red Dogs are known to be holed up in the Natural History Museum teasing the exhibits and several Uncles have been seen drinking heavily in H2G2's Boozerama's and Throat Emporiums (mind you it might have been the one original come to think about it).

The Mongrel Mecha

Created in a mad moment by Busterbone the Mongrel Mecha was a 50 feet tall mechanoid with a doglike face, a giant torso, two giant silver hands and two giant steel legs. It's controls were housed in the skull cavity which was large enough to comfortably seat two Dogs and was accessed through a portal in it's ear. The Mongrel Mecha was destroyed at the H2G2 Waterworks and Beach after Tuc Fortuneswell accidently depressed the big red lever that shouldn't be pressed (the completely-unnecessary-but-always-present-send-the-giant-robot-monster-crazy lever that is).

Small Arms

Designed by ACF soldiery themselves the average ACF Trooper is able to make a selection of their personal weaponry from the ACF's well stocked armoury. Standard issue includes the Spud Gun and the now infamous Hen Grenade.

The Spud Gun © has been borrowed under licence from the Potato Army and comes complete with a variety of settings from "Mash" to "Thick Cut" and can take a wide range of ammunition. Some advanced models of the Spud Gun come complete with pneumatic assisted hopper feeds which can take up to 5lbs of King Edwards.

The Hen Grenade is the ACF's Not-So-Smart Bomb and is composed of one stupid chicken and two sticks of dynamite. The ordnance has had mixed reviews in the field and is sadly attracting a reputation for unreliability.

Yer average ACF Trooper also is lavishly equipped with Alabaster Night Vision Goggles and Goo Intensifier Sprays to enable them to avoid detection on H2G2 by any but the most sensitive and sophisticated detection systems.

Red Dog`s personal weaponry of choice is a pearl handled hopper-fed, twin barrelled, pneumatic Spud Gun and a multi-purpose Dial-a-Gun ©, carried only by Red Dog or one of his 9 clones.

Artillery

The ACF can put a variety of heavy weapons into the field in support of it's troops. Using a heavier calibre potato than the Spud Gun is the Chowitzer, © which when beans and beef are added provides an ACF Trooper with their entire daily recommended dietary needs as well as deadly firepower.

For Platoon, Sections and Company support we have Mortars which launch the dreaded Drool Bombs which can slime Cats and put them out of action for days at a time.

For special occasions the ACF has access to the one and only Chihauwitzer ©. Developed by Busterbone for the Thingite cause the chihauwitzer uses small dogs of various calibres. The terrible destructive power of ballistic toy poodles is something that has to be seen to be believed.

The latest heavy weapon to be placed in our armoury is the Howlitzer, © developed by NexusSeven for use in hotter more arid climes.

For Winter campaigns the ACF can draw upon the Snowcone Chuckers developed by Ice Fang. The chuckers are basically small portable versions of the Snowball Cannon on Mt Sandcastle and catapult snow rounds (cones, ice, snowballs, etc) of all calibres. They have large red buttons which when pressed fire the rounds and they come in multiple sizes, everything from pocket size, to house size. They can also lay a heavy blanket of snow to thwart invaders as well.

The last thing in the amoury is a wide selection of Catnip rounds of various calibres that have a great effect on our Feline friends.

Robodogs

The ACF has it's own breed of faithful robotic canine companions - the Robodogs. Bred by Big Bad Werewolf the Robodogs hunt in packs of twenty or more and can make a total wreck of a cheesecake within seconds. Armed with pointy teeth, doggy death-breath and equiped with ACF nose-o-matic technology a Robodog hunting pack should be feared by Catkind.

Surreal Bombs

Straight from Red Dog's warped imagination comes the evil and twisted Surreal Bomb ©. Inside an ordinary munition lurks a minature but powerful infinite improbability generator. Once activated the bomb will explode and generate an entirely unexpected result such as a herd of Bison defacating on Captain Venom's best lounge carpet.

In Development

All the following weapons and devices are not yet "Approved For Misuse" but may make their appearance sometime soon.

Big Bad Werewolf has been working on a cat-astrophe. It has cat-apults on each corner that can throw cats into the next forum. It moves on silenced cat-erpillar treads, which would wreak havoc in a catmint patch. As well, it has a swivel-mounted water cannon on top and a turd hurler. It is intended to create a cat-aclysm and give the felines cat-arrh.

Red Dog is working on single use auto-curiositizers armed with proximity sensors. Hey Presto - Cat Mines.

Big Bad Werewolf is developing a new tonic drink. It comes in either catnip or liver flavour. It is irresistable to cats but the drink is harmless to other creatures. It contains a secret drug that put cats into a stupor. It is called the CAT-A-TONIC.

Busterbone has developed what seems to be a harmless ball of yarn that is utterly irresistible to cats. However once they touch it it produces a warp in the space-time continuum which immediately transports the unfortunate kitty into the DogHouse ! There they will be set upon by all the dogs present at the time. Busterbone calls this device the "Warped Ball of Yarn"

Busterbone has also invented an object that appears to be an ordinary scratching post. But on closer examination the post can be seen to contain numerous small buttons. Scratching any of the buttons will cause numerous spikes to stick out from the post on coiled springs.

I'm Still Thinking has dreamt up a rocket powered, homing Cat shaver.