This is what your enemy looks like

This is what you want them to look like

What the Cats are up to

• They're breeding fast.
• They cough up fur balls.
• They lick you with sandpaper tongues.
• They're flooding the world with cat propaganda - cute pictures of Kittens can be found on boxes of chocolate and greeting cards all over the place. It's a global conspiracy.
• They're using women to con men into introducing Felines into homes once featuring Dogs.
• They're perpetuating the myth that Cats are intelligent and good companions - always remember "Dogs have masters but Cats have staff".
• They spit which is against the h2g2 rules.

What needs to be done

• Neutering is good - preferably with two housebricks (or one housebrick, a sack and a canal if two bricks cannot be found).
• Ban Go-Cat and Kitty Crunch from Supermarket shelves.

What you can do

• Buy a Dog - even a small fluffy one would do.
• Buy another Dog (a proper one this time now that the fluffy one has gotten on your nerves).
• Support the Brotherhood of the Dog.
• Join in the fight against the Cat Menace. Your friends can be found in the Dog House. Join the armed forces of the Anti-Cat Federation today - you won't regret it.