h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*confused by all of the spinning about and backlog, goes back to the recruitment centre to sleep.*

Nevermind the fishes, they never bothered me anyway.

[Wacky Race Commentator] and now we`ve reached posting 42 and all we can see is debris scattered all over the place. A melon-headed werewolf is blindly staggering around followed by one very annoyed workman in a boiler suit. The other workman has Uncle Heavy, one of the chief perpetrators of this incident, by the collar and is making him sweep up all the shards of glass. Uncle has been heard pleading that he does not do `tidying up` and has a note from his Doctor to prove it . A Red Dog has also been be spotted sneaking around stealing melons and secreting them in a very dented and scratched convert-a-car. Street gossip is that they will be used against the fleeing Mushroom in some fashion but this has been denied by an official spokesman for the ACF who also have declined to accept responsibility for this international incident.

This is Clint Sidewinder, at the Wacky Race track for H2G2 news. .

[Wacky Race Commentator] we can now give you an update to our last report. Witnesses just interviewed claim that a pink sportscar driven by a Mushroom and a Cat, with a guitar playing mummy and a blonde goddess in the back, fled the scene of the crime shortly after the flying werewolf.

After testing negative for banned hallocinogenic substances the witnesses were set free by the WR police. The WR police are interested in any clues as to the whereabouts of the Mushroom who has been alleged to have had some prior military service. Persons sighting the Mushroom or accomplices are urged to treat with extreme caution.

In other news the Werewolf apprehended earlier has been charged with aggravated assault on a melon stand and a pane of glass, Uncle Heavy has been given bail on the understanding that he will undertake 120 hrs of community service making the Wacky Racetrack a `better place to be` and a Red Dog has been arrested for being in posession of 56 melons of uncertain ownership, a large bore bazooka and a master plan to eliminate h2g2 of all felines.

The civil claim is expected to clog up the local courts and judicial processes for several months.

The dog and the wolf are being held at the local pound.

This is Clint Sidewinder, at the Wacky Race track for H2G2 news.

*at the local pound*

OK BBW all we need to do is to wait for Uncle Heavy to rescue us.

Fancy a piece of melon

I THOUGHT I'd established I was dying my hair red waaaaaay back there after the blond bomb went off! *rolls eyes* What do I have to do? Get another dye kit and do it again?!?

*Saturn Girl convinces The Mushroom and Cat driving the pink pussycat that a detour past the pound is needed. After disguising everyone in the little pink sports car, and giving the car a new paint job, and licence plate, the -now- purple sports car rolls up to the pound. The -now- red-headed blombshell in a tiny black leather mini skirt, a tank top that says "We could mate... but then I would have to kill you." and a pair of spike heals goes into the pound, buys the cute little red mutt, puts him in muzzel and on a leash, takes him back to the purple pussycat, and the sports car and crew take off again, now with a hostage *

*weakly*

help ... help

*UH clambers into the car, and picks up the stunned BBW.*

It seems that the tables have turned. and where *is* bb? hmmm...we need a plan...

I just happen to have one here.

*Pulls out a crumpled piece of paper, flattens it out and starts to read.*

Okay, all we need is about 4 dozen watermellons, a large bore bazooka and...wait a minute. This sounds familiar.

*Crumples paper and throws it out the window.*

Well, just follow that purple car and we'll wing it.

*sees car following*

Oh darn.

*starts to speed up*

And why did *I* have to be the one who got the clown suit?

You got the clown suit since Arl wouldn't wear pink... But I think he's got it worse.... he's in the back seat with a dog, and he's dressed as a tree. I wouldn't complain if I were you

*Saturn Girl looks back behind the purple pussycat, then digs in the glove box. She soon pulls out an inflatible flea shower gun, and aims it at the car in pursuit... a shower of flea eggs rains on the two occupants of the car behind the purple pussycat. Saturn Girl tosses the gun out of the car, and goes back to digging in the glove box.*

*and pulls out a ghost*(how'd that get in there?)
phases through her hand, flies over her shoulder and tries to snag the red mutt...
oops. can't pry him off of the tree...he seems very interested in the damn thing. Quickly whispers that they'll take a trip to a certain fire hydrant next week. lifts him up and drops him in the front seat of the dog's vehicle.
can't spray for fleas with all this wind, guys.

Hey! That was sneaky

Anything useful in that glove box, Saturn Girl?

*From Sergeant Mushrooms glovebox comes the muffled words........*

There's nothing useful in the glove box. Believe me, I know. You don't need to open the glove box. You definitely don't.

Nothing in here but us Used Tissue papers.

Just keep driving. Nothing has happened. Umm..this is a recording.

*freezes in seat*

*remembers to keep driving*

I think we've got a problem. Can you sort it?

Who??

Me!!??

Sure!!

Bibbity bobbity boo!!

Problem sorted.

Now, don't bother me while I set the timer on this Warp-in-the-space-time-continuum-device.

*slams the breaks on*

EVERYBODY, OUT NOW!!!

*opens the glove box*

*pulls out Busterbone*

Get rid of it now!

Hey, Sgt Mushroom, fancy meeting you here. Nice glovebox by the way.

As for the device you can relax I couldn't work out what all the buttons were.

*looks over Sgt Mushrooms shoulder to see a warp-in-the-space-time-continuum rapidly growing*

Uh-oh!

I suggest we all get back in the sports car and drive away EXTREMELY quickly.

*jumps back inside glove box and slams hatch*

*sigh* I won't ask

*realises that the others hadn't got out*

*gets in*

*starts to drive very, very fast*

*Scratches behind his left ear with his left back paw. Sticks head out the window.*

Okay, I think we're gaining. They've stopped and there is something weird growing beside the car. Steer away from the big weird thing, UH. UH?

LOOK OUT!

*The convert-a-car drives into the warp in the space-time continuum and disappears. A few minutes later it reappears, with the dogs grinning. In the back seat of the car is an Arl-shaped bundle, and in the purple pussycat, Arl seems to have disappeared. The convert-a-car speeds off.*


The convert-a-car went back in time to the point where Arl was last taken by the cats, and prevented his seizure. They then drove back through the warp to here.

*starts speeding after fleeing convert-a-car*

*sticks her hand in glove box*

*drags out Busterbone*

OI! You forgot something!

*handcuffs herself to Busterbone*