Last issue, we reported that we'd lost Merry Anne and Frenchbean from the competition. When Matt dropped out a few days later, it felt briefly as if the competition might be won by the last person to quit. Sad as we are to see Matt go, I'm delighted to report that Frenchbean has recovered and is back in the competition, so we're back up to 12 contestants once again. This is your final challenge before the first evictions, so best of luck with it and don't forget to vote! After this challenge there will be a final voting round, then we'll be saying goodbye to the bottom three from the competition.

We have an honourable mention for you this week; Opti has chipped in with her Valentine's poem, Ode to a Silver Back - well done, Opti, and thank you for joining in!

Here are this week's reviews.

Galaxy Babe

This is very sweet, but it made me feel like a voyeur because it is so personal.

6/10

Pinniped

The significant reminder, of course, is the bracketed age at the bottom. It's a Stretch because it's a view of aging love from a comparative youngster. It's a contemplation of mortality, in fact. That it seems almost too painfully intimate to intrude on, therefore, is its achievement. As a piece of poetry, it's decidedly ordinary. The tricky thing is, it had to be ordinary, greetings-card-esque in fact, to carry its message effectively.

Writing is many-layered, writers are sometimes subtly clever, and some pieces are very hard to mark. I hope I read it right. Otherwise I've scored this one about three marks too high.

7/10

Skankyrich

This is very clever. The use of old-fashioned language implies a kind of eternal nature, but the wording and phrasing is simple and youthful, and the contrast is quite effective. What really makes it, though, is the Thribbish ending; it's self-effacing and witty, fits perfectly to the piece, and quite unexpected.

8/10

Galaxy Babe

This is very clever. You can hear both voices, both differing opinions, you wonder whether they continue, agree to differ, or just love each other anyway.

8/10

Pinniped

True Stretch, this. Another contestant finds a new level, and I hope she knew it before anyone else saw this. I bet the buzz was there, the incredulity that it was hers, the flush of excitement and pride. It's an extraordinary piece in lots of ways, starting with the brilliant realisation of unpromising adjectives. But there's a great poem (or two) here as well, dissecting Yin and Yang, measuring the contradictions of the male and female psyche.

On top of that, the visual realisation of a double helix without compromising the poetry is a remarkable achievement, and embedding the valediction in the crossovers is a beautiful finishing touch. The best piece of the round, matching anything that the Stretcher's seen so far.

9/10

Skankyrich

Absolutely wonderful; the biggest Stretch we've seen yet. A fantastic idea, beautifully executed.

9/10

Galaxy Babe

Oh man! I loved this, with the tongue-in-cheek verse then the personal comment after. Very well done and thanks for the laugh-out-loud submission.

9/10

Pinniped

I deemed something else the best piece of the round, because this is our little literary contest and virtuosity scores high. For simple reading pleasure outside judging responsibilities, though, this is an absolute gem.

Affectionate as well as funny, with each stanza beautifully wrapped with its bracketed snapback. We already have a small but beautifully-formed collection of pieces that make the Stretcher a triumph. This brilliant piece adds to the set. Thanks so much for sharing it, and taking the care to give us such a perfect gift. And take heed, you acknowledged wordsmiths, because here's another dark horse who on this showing could whup you all.

9/10

Skankyrich

And this from the guy who was dreading the 'obligatory poetry round', as I think he said. Witty, clever and at times laugh-out-loud funny - a great poem, and even in this company it's a cracking piece.

8/10

Galaxy Babe

I'm not telling you what was in my mind when I read the title. The poem didn't disappoint, even though it was a surprise.

7/10

Pinniped

Self-effacing comment in the AWW thread, but actually this is quite good. It's spot on its adjective, because this suitor certainly is rigid. The scansion is awkward, as it ought to be, but the piece beats out adequately once you clock the metre. Another good aspect is well-rounded stanzas each with a different point, stated and then developed. I particularly like the first couplets of the first and third. Those really are the reluctant confessions of an uptight lover.

6/10

Skankyrich

I liked the stilted pace of this, the way lines tumble over into one another awkwardly, and the stuttering similes. I find your writing oddly compelling sometimes; again, I came back this piece more often that I did any of the others.

7/10

Galaxy Babe

Just lovely. Really, I wish he'd tell that widow - although the bloom in her cheeks told me she already knows she has an admirer.

8/10

Pinniped

Masterful: the work of a natural. You have to retrace steps to judge pieces like this, because they take you somewhere outside an arbitrary competition. The scene created is real, warm and uplifting. It's a miracle that a few words ably chosen can make a story as rich as this one.

It seems churlish to mark down because it isn't quite what the judges meant, when you know very well that writers have to be transported if they are to transport their readers. Ah well, such is the dead hand of criticism. Honestly, Dmitri, I know you don't need to win this, and that you just love writing. I think it's great that you give the Stretcher more breadth and depth than the challenge prescription might.

8/10

Skankyrich

You really do have the knack of telling a story with a wonderful economy of words. I often read your work and set then scene in my mind, then read through again and see how many apsects of it you describe directly. It's a real art, and you do it better than anyone I know. Is this a Stretch? For you, perhaps not, but it's still a terrific piece of work.

7/10

Galaxy Babe

Very clever, this could be two people, or a pair of spiders. I don't really care if it is two dung beetles, their love for each other comes across beautifully.

8/10

Pinniped

Welcome back Fb, and let me say straight away that staying in the Stretcher makes both you and your readers winners.

This certainly weaves in its adjective, linguistically at least, and it's one of the most authentic Valentines of the round. I like poetry to spark my thoughts right down at the individual word level, and this one does that, the phrasing is so considered. Some of the verb choices are delightful. A few words ('united colours' particularly) misfire and false connotations tend to jolt the reader out of the whole.

The next level might have been to take the interweaving into the structure and progressively embroider the metre. Such elaboration can distract from meaning, though, so let's give the writer the benefit of the doubt, that she judged this complex enough already for an expression of love.

7/10

Skankyrich

There's something really captivating about this; I was drawn into an odd little trance by it and was only shaken out of it by my partner offering me a cup of tea. There are plenty of interweaving lines and ideas here, and it certainly drew me in. A welcome return.

7/10

Galaxy Babe

Are they children, or adults remembering their childhood meeting? I like the butterfly analogy, their lightness contrasts with the strength emitted by the boy/man. The tackiness of the Valentine for sale versus the beauty of nature comes across here, although I feel Waz wrote more then trimmed. I'm greedy and would have loved to have read more.

7/10

Pinniped

We still haven't forced this contestant out of her comfort zone. The catch is, when you're as introspective as Waz, your comfort zone is its own little church of the psyche, and you can be profound and trivial at the same time.

I have to judge at face value. I kind of know that this is the most meaningful piece of the lot, but I don't know that from the poem itself. I need some freshness, something more than wistfulness in a rustic setting. You do that really well Waz, but you're reiterating it. Please, please show us something else.

6/10

Skankyrich

I've been racking my brains trying to think which song it is that this reminds me of, and it just won't come to me. Never mind; this is a fine piece of work, and I like the gentle drift into whimsy. You've marked it as 'WIP' but I think it's your best yet; just be careful of pigeon-holing yourself early on.

7/10

Galaxy Babe

This is good, except for the last line. I'm wondering who is her lover, what's he got to do with this, and why is her love memory for her husband growing since her lover passed away?

6/10

Pinniped

A novel take on the challenge, and a strong idea. The echoed references to glass and passing are clever, and the conclusion is poignant.

The weakness is in the execution. The phrasing is laboured in places ('unto his men to pass') and I found this a major distraction. I also think that the piece misses a chance to convey and explore feelings. The dead soldier probably wasn't very big on emotion, so his detachment is plausible, but his widow deserves some explicit grief. There's a good start here, but a poem that was a long way short of finished when the writer decided it was.

5/10

Skankyrich

By far your strongest piece yet. It's fairly straightforward and easy on the eye, but is more complex than it first appears, grinding towards a halt with each passing stanza. Some of the lines grate just a little and some of the rhymes feel a little forced, but this is one I think you should be proud of.

7/10

Galaxy Babe

This hit me right in the solar plexus. I don't know a parent who wouldn't recognise this feeling, even without the bike. I read it (tried to) through tears; the risk we take every time we let them go, the fear of the official knock on the door, the welcome relief when they bound back unscathed. Only to go through it all over again the next day.

9/10

Pinniped

It's a fine poem this, heartfelt and real, with some wonderfully evocative phrasing. Low level disquiet is a tricky pitch to maintain, and informal rhyming is generally much harder to carry off than free verse. This is good in both respects. It mixes affection with anxiety, and the rhymes never force the rhythm.

But marks are docked specifically for a tenuous theme-match. I don't see 'better' here, otherwise this would have scored higher. Sorry.

6/10

Skankyrich

This is a terrific poem; quietly terrifying and full of real and imagined dangers. The problem I have with it is that I don't see how it fits the challenge, and I'm none the wiser after reading the AWW thread. You may have just been too clever for me in your interpretation, and if that's the case my apologies in advance; I see the love poem, but not the adjective, and I'm afraid I can't give you a high score if you haven't really answered the challenge.

5/10

Galaxy Babe

Quite brilliant this. I could imagine Rowan Atkinson doing all this without uttering a word...

8/10

Pinniped

Psycorp says he considers this his weakest Entry so far. I'm not buying that, since it's a conspicuous improvement on the last effort. A good central idea is ably delivered. The triplets work well, and give the piece an interesting metre. The poem leaves its reader nicely in limbo, unsure whether to laugh or cry, uncertain what happens next.

One of the tricks that make for good poetry is to distil description, so that vivid images are conveyed precisely with a minimum of words. This is a pretty good example. And it even gives us a barrowload of fresh adjectives, should we want to revisit the challenge (except of course we won't).

7/10

Skankyrich

Pretty good: simple but effective, and perhaps it was just my sadistic nature that left me chuckling at the end. On the first read, I actually thought it was terrific, but re-reads revealed I was being tricked by a clever rythmn and pace, and it relied too much on the word at the end of each verse. Even so, it stands up to scrutiny well.

7/10

Galaxy Babe

TB has a rare gift of being able to bring personalities to entities we don't imagine have them. I love the language here and the build up to the climax, then the release of tension. I have a couple of favourites this round and this is up there.

9/10

Pinniped

Strong comeback from last week's wobble by a fine writer in her element. An imaginative response to the challenge, and sumptuous description.

I have some slight issues. It's laid on a little thick (count the adjectives), the theme-fit is not entirely seamless and for poetry this is perilously close to prose. In the end, though, TB's panache dispels the doubt. If you want a masterclass in how to pace a piece and build it to a crescendo, read this lady, and count this example.

8/10

Skankyrich

This really is masterful. The pace of this is stunning and it's a skilfully-told story. I have two problems; the first is that I don't think you've covered the 'love poem' aspect of the challenge very well, and the second is that you've covered this kind of ground before in this competition. The latter is less of an issue at this stage, but the former has lost you a couple of points from me. A great piece, but less so in the context of the competition.

6/10

Galaxy Babe

I, as well as the reviewers, was reminded of the cockle-pickers. Does the one left behind to raise the children alone, resent the loved one for desertion through their death? Then feel guilty about that? That's what I'm getting here, more anger than sadness: 'How could you leave?' I want to hug this person and take their anger away so they can begin to grieve their loss and then start their healing process.

8/10

Pinniped

It's a pity that a lot of people will read the crit before the poem, because this should speak for itself, and slap the reader with its mortifying conclusion. The verse-form caught me out entirely. It Kiplinged me into an expectation of benign colonialism. The whole thing is brilliant as a set-up, really tight and understated. It's left me feeling angry about the world's cruelty to families, and about the false and exploitative ways we presume to be relieving poverty. Which of course is exactly what the writer intended, and quite some trick through a minimalist love-poem.

I also like 'Excruciated' , but I'm glad I didn't have to mark it.

8/10

Skankyrich

Again, this is a great piece of work, and the last two verses are sudden and heartrending, with the echoed last line only adding to the effect. But - and I know I'm starting to sound like a stuck record by now - I'm not convinced about the 'biennial' nature of it, and the adjective has only really been shoehorned in. Without considering the constraints of the challenge, it's right up there with the best this week, for sure, but your 'biennial' is almost an afterthought.

6/10

Here, then is the current table, including scores given and votes cast since 2nd February:

We do need your votes. One vote really does make a huge difference to the table, as we've been so keen to point out throughout, so please do get involved and casy your vote for your favourite piece of the week.

1. You may vote once, and once only. Please email your votes to The Stretchers. If you can't use this direct link, hovering your mouse over the link should reveal our email address. If you cannot get the link to work, simply post below and we'll try to help you. You must quote your username and h2g2 Researcher number (U-number) with your vote; votes without these will be rejected without query.

2. Votes received after the deadline or cast onsite will not be counted.

3. If you're taking part, do not ask other people to vote for you. This is not a popularity contest, and we hope that everyone will vote for the piece they genuinely feel is best each issue. We reserve the right to discount votes if we feel that contestants are canvassing, votes are being traded or unusual voting patterns are developing.

4. Contestants are perfectly entitled to vote for their own pieces if they feel their writing is the best submitted; however, please note that we will be on the look-out for dodgy voting patterns, and that includes contestants who consistently vote for themselves.

5. Votes will be tallied using a formula that normalises the votes cast and scores given, then returns a number between 0 and 2. We will publish the rankings, but not the actual scores as they are rather undramatic, relative rather than absolute, and fairly meaningless to look at. In the event of a tie, whichever piece is scored highest by Skankyrich is ranked highest. If there is still a tie, Skankyrich will decide who is placed higher.

There's plenty of freedom in terms of content in this next challenge. You can write a piece for either forum and you can write on any subject you choose. As always, you have to complete the challenge in one week. Your challenge Entry must be in either PR or the AWW by midnight UK time on 26th February, and you're asked to post the A-number and title to the new 'Submissions please' thread in the usual manner.

There are of course a few rules that you must follow. The piece must be a minimum of 20 sentences in length and it must be written in prose, since poetry would be a bit samey two weeks in succession. Not too arduous, we think you'll agree.

There's just one further necessity. The last word of every sentence must contain a double letter.

Don't worry. It's really not that difficult. Check each sentence in this section, and you'll see that the requirement is easy to meet. You'll be writing something more interesting and stylish, naturally.

At this point we usually say good luck, but it lacks a double letter, and you don't really need it, so instead please accept a belated Valentine kiss.

The Stretcher Archive

Galaxy Babe, Pinniped and Skankyrich

19.02.09 Front Page

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