Once Upon A Time...

...it was a Thursday, after tea

I was sitting with some chocolate and my cat

When I realised things were not the way I wanted them to be

And concluded that my life had fallen flat

(I glanced towards the door; I should really get out more)


For thirty-year-old females of sophisticated bent

Patterns of behaviour are quite set

A girl without a man is like a Scout without a tent

Or new shoes without going further into debt

(I blame it on TV; damn you, Sarah-Jessica P)


To clear my head I thought I'd take a stroll down by the pond

Fresh air, I thought, is what I need right now

When, sitting on a lily pad, entangled by some fronds

A small green creature smiled and made a bow

(I paused, with slackened jaw; was that really what I saw?)


The creature sat there looking rather downcast by his plight

His piteous state was tugging at my heart

I waded out and cleared the weed to set my new friend right

And with a grateful croak he did depart

(He wouldn't call, I knew; but, then, my dates never do)


Back at home that evening with a glass of Chardonnay

I microwaved a ready-meal for one

And thought about his cute face and the charming little way

That he'd thanked me when our rendezvous was done

(But surely even I could do better if I'd try?)


Later dreams came thick and fast as in my bed I lay

Most of them irrelevant or weird

But those that left their mark on me when night turned into day

Were those in which a small green face appeared

(I started then to think that perhaps I'd see a shrink)


All through breakfast and through lunch it never left my mind

What if this was truly meant to be?

Like all girls I was brought up with Prince Charming and his kind

Perhaps this was the work of destiny

(And my last successful date was in 1988)


Suddenly I leapt up and went racing out the door

I didn't care if I was thought insane

I ran down to the pond, to where I'd been the day before

To see if I could find him once again

(I was tearing out my hair; oh, please let him be there)


And then my heart did somersaults for, just like I had planned

There he sat, as if he knew I'd come

I knelt down and leaned out so he could crawl into my hand

Caressingly he nibbled at my thumb

(And he didn't smell as bad as some boyfriends that I've had)


So this was it - I looked at him; my heart began to race

A moment I've remembered ever since

I closed my eyes and slowly brought my lips up to his face

I kissed him and he turned into a prince

(The guy was such a geek - I dumped him in a week)