h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey - even geniuses need to switch off their minds sometimes, and, as a Taoist might say, just because something's bad, it doesn't mean you can't learn anything from it.

Anyway - didn't you start this thread in the first place

No no, I mean I'm impressed! Such observational powers in the face of mind-numbing boredom is a mighty feat.

"Mommy, why does Daddy have to go away?"

Yes, small children are always wise beyond their years in films, aren't they.

Have we had "You're either very brave - or very stupid..."?
(And has anyone ever chipped in "No, he's obviously just stupid"?)

What about:

'Yes Sir!!'

Ususally accompanied by a kind of snappy Ace Rimmer style of salute.

Another one that's never used in the real life equivalent of this movie situation: "NOOOOOOO!" when something very bad indeed is about to happen and the screamer is not in a position to prevent it.

How about:

"You go on without me." Splip in "I'll be okay" if needed, as long as it's made clear that the character in question will NOT be okay at all.

'Whaddya mean, you've never done this before?'

'Mommy, it hurts'

'I've been studying the plans, and I think I've found a weak point'

'Every day, they turn the (lasers/pumps/alarm system) off for 5 minutes while they check out the backup systems'

'Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride'

'Keep still, they can only sense movement'

'Well, preacher, I guess you'd better pray for all of us'

'This fog (forest/building, it almost feels like it's alive'

'But they're...they're _MOVING_ - Aaaargh'

'That's it, we're sealed in here - hang on, how did that (insert random small furry animal) get in here'

'Look at that - the bacteria/virus/aliens can't survive exposure to (oxygen/heat/cold/light/dark/water...)'

'It's a life form made out of pure energy'

'Well, there _were_ some murders just like that round here, but that was over 90 years ago'

Excellent, excellent!

I AM enjoying this forum!

"I don't want you seeing you that boy any more."

"But Mom! I love him!"

'But it can't be him - I saw him die with my own eyes'

'Look - if you magnify this photograph a millionfold, you can just read the address'

'Hang on - I recognise that sound' (on the tape of the kidnapper's telephone call)

'There's only guy in this town who supplies this kind of bullet'

'What do you mean, he has an identical twin?'

'And if we assume all the robberies were within exactly 5 miles of their hideout, they must be somewhere in _this_ small area'

'If we can just find the left luggage locker that this key fits...'

'She was clutching this scrap of fabric in her hand, so it must be important'

'Look - she dropped a book of matches from the Club Paradiso / Flamingo / Noir'

'But if it gets above 36 degrees / 90% of full pressure / 47 miles an hour, the whole thing's gonna BLOW!'

'There's only one place I know where he could have got mud that colour on his shoes'

'So, we've narrowed down their location to that big old abandoned warehouse'

'Keep them talking for another 10 seconds, we've almost got a trace'

'Be careful Jack, remember this is your last day on the force'

LOL again!

You people must all have square eyes!

re: the kidnapper's phone call - "Play that bit again! Can you do anything with that, Joe?"

"Hey, what are you doing hanging around my locker?"

"There's no room in this organisation for people like you."

"There'll always be a place in this organisation for you if you change your mind."

Not sure about the square eyes. I was just trying to get round to doing a bit of programming, by the subtle tactic of doing lots of unnecessary work-displacement stuff until I felt guilty enough to get on with it.
Unfortunately, it didn't work this time. Maybe it's one of the unwritten rules - as soon as someone sticks 'manager' in your job title, even if you're doing the same old shit for the same old money, in the same old T-shirt and Ron Hills, your guilt can start to melt away like the winter snows in an Alpine thaw. Maybe if they'd given me a raise... Anyway, there's always another day, (or another company.)


'But sir, I gave all that up when I retired from the unit / left Berlin (Prague/Saigon/Moscow) - all I care about now is my daughter'

'But he _can't_ have gone over to the other side - he was the one who trained me / I trained in Special Tactics'
(preparation for hand-to-hand / knife fight scene 10 minutes from end of film, despite the presence of numerous available firearms and (usually) the daughter screaming 'Daddy' at inoportune moments)

'Sure I know how to work this ship/control panel/airplane'

'As it happens, _I'm_ a nuclear scientist/ astrophysicist'
(generally spoken by stereotyped leggy blonde with (removable later) glasses, tightly bound up hair and short white labcoat)

'But if it _doesn't_ work, it could destroy us all'

'Well, if the coach has quit, I guess _I'll_ have to run the kid's football team'
(generally spoken by a 'plucky/determioned mother', usually some ex-Charlies Angel or another. If you're really unlucky, it's the in-flight movie. Guess who wins.)

'But Miss Jones, you're _beautiful_!'

generally spoken to stereotyped leggy blonde with short white labcoatafter she removes her glasses and shakes free her (until recently) tightly bound up hair.

Reminds me of that Simpsons episode...you know, the "tomacco" one? Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Probably someone has on MST3K.

How about "Follow that car!" ?

Or maybe "You'd better sit down for this."

Or has that already been said?

"You're alive! But ... how ...!" (or variations on same, spoken with open-mouthed amazement, to someone who appears to have been shot to death but has contrived either to wear a bullet-proof vest or load blanks in the attacker's gun, often accompanied by those useful little blood capsules that you pop in your mouth, and who after a suitable pause slowly opens one eye to see if the coast is clear)

"Mom, mom! There's something weird going on out at the old Johnson place!"

"I'm too old for this shit"

"You can't just walk in there!" (the time-honoured defence line of protective secretaries/executive assistants everywhere)

"The Mayor/President/Doctor will see you now" (with an arch smile)

"Boy, are YOU in trouble!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHH!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"