Journal Entries
4.27.00
Posted Apr 27, 2000
i should really heed my own advice and not always be thinking about what would make me happier. if/when is a dangerous and depressing game to play and i guess i should just be happy that i'm alive. but somethings (and people) i love some much that i'm in pain anyway, so i might as well hope for the best, altho i know it will never come. to be more concrete, i don't know why i still hope he will learn to love me, but when there's nothing else to hope for, sometimes self-delusion is what keeps me alive.
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Latest reply: Apr 27, 2000
4.18.00
Posted Apr 18, 2000
2 months till my birthday!
"I heard of a saint who had loved you,
so i studied all night in his school.
he taught that the duty of lovers
is to tarnish the golden rule.
and just when i was sure that his teachings were pure
he drowned himself in the pool.
his body is gone but back here on the lawn
his spirit continues to drool."
-- Leonard Cohen, "One of Us Cannot Be Wrong"
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Latest reply: Apr 18, 2000
4.16.00
Posted Apr 16, 2000
i was accepted into governor's school for the arts for creative writing. quite a big accomplishment, and yet, i can't help feel a little bitter. another easily distinguishable trait distancing me from the people who are already too far away. they love my poetry. wonderful. now, if only they loved me.
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Latest reply: Apr 16, 2000
4.9.00
Posted Apr 9, 2000
it snowed. it *snowed* in *april*. and i had to stand out in it at four in the morning coming back form the cast party.
i'm incredibly upset (more than likely i just lack sufficient sleep) about the state of my life at the moment. nothing like a night in a house full of horny, sleep-deprived, caffienated teenagers to show you just how much you can hate some people and absolutely love others. hate to admit it, but i'm going to miss brett, i'm sorry i only got to know him this year b/c he's not at all the arrogant prick i thought he was. hate to admit it, but i think i really have lost a best friend, i don't think things will ever be ok between chris and i again. and it makes me want to cry, but my dad's making me pancakes, so maybe things will be ok after that.
maybe.
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Latest reply: Apr 9, 2000
4.8.00
Posted Apr 8, 2000
just took the SATs! ahhh! actually, they weren't that bad. but now i'm mentally drained.
have the all-night cast party for the musical tonight (it's also closing night , i'm sure gonna miss those exhaustive hours, burnt fngers and squinting in darkness ). last year's cast party was so much fun, i have hope for tonight as well. tata. it's just about nap-time for me.
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Latest reply: Apr 8, 2000
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