h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My grandpa used to forecast upcoming winter weather by examining thickness of the new hair the horses were putting on in the autumn.

I can forecast rains by gout pains in the toes the day before, and freezes by gout pains in the fingers the day before.

Unfortunately, having the necessary skill and looking good on a television screen are a rare mix.

I can tell the local weather, just by looking out of the bedroom window

I'm sure you can, but you don't need to tell it to me, as my weather is likely to be quite different.

Plus, from what I've gathered lately, my weather is better than yours

I once played snooker with a tv weather forecaster. Well, someone had to.

How did you fit him in the corner pockets

http://www.almanac.com/topics/weather/weather-forecasts/predicting-weather


woodlice walking backwards on 3 legs = rain

80% accurate forecasts? Come on!

I call it the old fraudster's almanac.

MORE LIKE PUB PUTTING OUT SUN BROLLIES = Rain

Weather here is +25C/+77F, the sun is out, there's hardly any wind and the water along our shores are +18C/+64F so suitable for bathing

This concludes the alternative weather facts for today

You almost had me convinced those temps were real. In January, no less .

Except in high elevations around Sydney or Melbourne.

Morning

Evening

Just got in from the pub, and a bloody good night it was too!

The landlady was on good form, barred two blokes who decided that it was a great idea to have a fight in the bar, scattering the chairs and tables, dogs and being t$$$$$$ , she came out of the lounge bar at speed grabbed both of the blokes by the "personal parts" and then threw them out through the french windows (which were closed at the time) and the rest of us in the bar giggling quite loud and she then turned on the rest of us

Sounds like the landlady was from a feisty land.

french windows in an english bar ?? how weird
so who pays for damage ?