h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Magster - that will put the cat amongst the pigeons! And what is your new role going to be?

My new role is going to be the dedicated sports fan. I am going to research it properly and everything. The first sport I am going to master is that one with the sweeping on the ice. The first thing I am going to find out is what it's called.

I'll be perfect for that new role. All I need is a cool hat and I'll be set.

Magster, I can assure you that my hands are ALWAYS in a proper place

Thats a good start for researcher

Socks

Woody Allen

No collars - ever!

Burnt Weeny Sandwich - The Mothers Of Invention

Sorry - am I late?

Good morning Peter

I think maybe you are a little late. Hazel now wants us to define our new roles in the all new, all singing, all dancing, Hazel's BB house. Hazel is going to be a sports fan and Leger's is going to be the house stud. I think my role should be pastoral and caring. No convent for me I'm going to be a happy, clappy, all singing, all dancing female priest. I will go far

Shall I be the shoulder-to-cry-on favourite-uncle type?

Is that what you want to be Peter? If you don't be something totally crazy. I am sure there is room in the house for another superstud I could save you then

Goood Morning Magster-These are just for you

....or maybe I could stand guard with a machine gun?

That would be a good idea akira.

Has anyone got a cure for one hell of a hangover, man I'm suffering. I will never ever ever drink again, I've seen thee light .

Yeah Lew-get another pint sling a raw egg in it and down it in one..its the best cure ever.

Lew - a hearty breakfast of crispy bacon and eggs and LOTS of tomato sauce is the best cure - also a regular dose of paracetemol - or - if you are up to it a very tobasco-y Bloody Mary!

Hope you feel better soon

Leave the tablets alone Lew-me owld mate just sling the egg raw egg in your beer it will work wonders its better than all this poncie gear leave the tablets to the hypochondriacs.

Lew, go and have another drink. It works. Why people let themselves get sober I will never know.

Yeah thats a good idea Magster-great thinking on your part.

Hazel strides into the House. She is wearing an "All Lemons" rugby shirt, a tennis skirt, Man U footie sox and a pair of basketball boots.
She gazes around the room and doesn't think much of the decor, which is a bit girlie and has no Sports posters.

"Hello? I am the first one here. Typical".

She plonks herself on the sofa and starts weightlifting some decorative ashtrays which some-one has thoughtfully put there.

Magster turns up, wearing her dog collar, carrying her bible and leading her camel, which she takes out into the garden and tethers to the water feature. The camel spits out a gerbil he has been chewing. Magster introduces herself to Hazel who is still weightlifting the ashtrays and asks Hazel if she thinks that gays should be allowed to become Bishops.

Hazel is puzzled by Magsters clothes as she can't quite place which sport they belong to. However she has no problem with god-botherers being as happy and light-hearted as they want.

They decide to go itno the girls bedroom and choose their beds. Both decide to sleep on the floor, Magster for reasons of penance and Hazel because that way she can do push-ups if she can't sleep,