h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Boots

So you can do it better...which we knew already.

Hope the backache and the heartache are both a little better now.
Pin

Solved the bach ache...pillows! Mountains of them. Heartache may take a tad longer methinks. Really busy weekend ahead so no time to fart let alone think and dwell or even scribble. Gradually organising time into 'their time', 'day job time' and 'my time'. With a dollop of good luck I may be able to make next week's post. Half way through a typically innane piece but without Ravager to bill and coo and take no prisoners it is very lonely and sense of ridiculous can desert. Can still read though so await this weeks post with bated breath...actually quite unpleasant bated breath..bereavement a bit like the Atkins diet in that department! Mmmmm not nice!
Take care
Boots (now on the run and winging it till sunday...bl***y weddings!)
PS where's Waz?

Dunno, Boots. Seem to have lost Ben too.
Pin

I think Ben's in lurve! Which is cool, but means lots of unhygenic and drippy behaviour but still cool for Ben.
B*****ks week.
Asked offsprung to swap pc's office/home etc. Excuse me... I too can move boxes... Thought the IT genius might make them function....Hmmm wrong! Now have very slow connection on one that used to work at warp factor eight and no connection in office...useful. Hopefully all will be sorted by the end of next week...I am struggling with the DIY manual. It's good to tap again. Have to do some arsehole paper work now...when will I have time to write again? Hey ho I may never forgive the swine!
take care
boots (almost back in town)

Ben, yeah. I kind of wondered about that too, maybe.

Anywaze, where's Waz?

Sorry, I just thought that was funny. P'raps not.

Certainly seems like there's a lot of IT difficulty at the moment.
My printer's packed in, or to be truthful I've destroyed it. There was nothing wrong with it electronically, but it started chewing sheet-edges and not indexing the paper-feed quite right. So I decided to ...err... adjust it. Now the paper doesn't go in at all. I've got a nasty feeling that some of the bits that should go round aren't going round any more. It kind of snatches the paper, though while making a horrible grinding whirring noise, if you press on the case just about ...there... But it doesn't actually feed the paper, only sort of snarls at it and snaps at it.

One new printer next time I'm allowed out, and no beer for a week.

I really don't know about RL work. I kind of put my foot down a few years ago when I realised that my family was losing out. Since then, I've half expected a surplus-to-requirements verdict at any time. Could be that it's imminent now. Dunno. At least then I'd have to jump, and try something new.

If they knew what I do to printers, they'd realise I'm no engineer anyway!

What a very strange and confusing world this is, Boots. Relative to where I was a couple of years back, I feel like my powers are heightened, I feel more fulfilled, I feel like I'm more interesting and more valued and admired by my friends. And my writing isn't just a wobbly hobby any more. It honestly feels like the thing I do best, and enjoy doing most. More than that, it sets me my most exhilirating challenge.

Only trouble is, I also feel like I ought to do something new with this new self. And it's now or never.

Pin
*still collecting those pretty slips, in case you haven't guessed*

One thing I've realised over the past four weeks is that this flickering candle we call life is bloody short and that the way we spend time with those we love is the most important thing it has to offer.
I am so pleased you have the love and admiration of those you care about and that you are almost fully growed! Jump off the diving board Pin...you don't know if the water is going to be hot or cold but if you don't take that first plunge you may never find out.
I'm going flying (customers/friends who have a plane...as you do)...Me who needs valium to get me on a plane and sleeping pills to keep me on...and that's just for a short flight... general anaesthetic for long haul! Yep I'm going flying in a tiny plane with fans on the front. I am soooo scared but I'm going to do it (suspect that not being too fussed about whether it crashes at the moment might be clouding my naturally cautious nature).
It's good to be back and soon I hope to start writing again...Dear God I have to sort out the seating arrangement in my new kennel, my arse keeps slipping off the bed! Would love to read some of the proper stuff sometime...It will be pulished...you are good! Hang on to that confidence and look after Weddell and the pups.
take care
boots

PS not sure what's happening with waz but I have her email address so will write as soon as I have figured out how to reinstall my old email account.

You enjoy your flight, right? And don't do what a friend who hates flying did, ie get down feeling self-satisfied having spent the whole flight with eyes fixed on the instruments.
The whole point is to look down, of course. The world is so beautiful from a light aircraft (nothing like the too-high, faded-out view from an airliner, or indeed the more usual marshmallow cloudscape).
When you've appreciated that, try a helicopter (even better visibility).
Then (because the trouble with choppers is the noise is so intrusive) try a hot-air balloon, or a glider. Silence, combined with a sense of omnipresence.
But then the list of "things everyone should do" is prodigious. You're right, of course, Boots. Jump in and just do it.
The catch is, two grand a month. Maybe fifteen hundred at a push. That's what I owe the Weddell and the pups, that's what I've provided for them so far, that's what they rely on and deserve.
Love and quality bed-time stories are unfortunately no substitute.
My only block is guilt, the guilt that this is all self-indulgence.
It would be so much easier if someone just bit, took the novel. It would change everything. But they don't, and yet it's so good. I know it is.
There's an arbitrary wall we have to break through, Boots. It isn't about our ability, this getting started. It's about being noticed, being seriously considered. The decision rests with people who are busy and jaded. There are too many creative sparks demanding kindling.
I reckon the key to this is to make an entrance, yeah? I'm starting to think I need to go on the road with this manuscript, take a fortnight's holiday, set the family up somewhere nice and go off myself to squat on a few doorstops. Sell myself hard.
That's what I think, anyway.
Pin *possibly the most self-possessed phocoid that ever barked*

Still haven't looked up that poxy phocoid yet.
Sometimes Pin you talk absolute bo**ocks. You write brilliantly but trust me the Weddell does not adore you because of the cash flow and the pups will survive and still love you if they have to wear their trainers for two seasons. Ask them. My pups and I are pretty much church mice now but that is not why we miss Ravager, we miss him. The man that filled our lives. We miss his music that was his life, and the Weddell and your pups would miss your writing. That is what you do. That is what makes you you.
OK if you can stand the day job then that's cool and I apologise but don't play the guilt trip card on their behalf. Talk to them...ask them what they want you to do. Maybe the holiday game is a good idea but if that fails are you going to give up? I think not.
A while back I told you I had an agent. I do but for ancient thesp purposes rather than writing. If you would like I would be more than happy to afford an introduction. They are pretty good although their clients are largely playrights (sp?) and screen writers. They could however suggest a more suitable agent. They did for me some 25 years ago and she took me on. My life path meant I didn't follow through at the time (the thesp thing and young family being more important). She's probably dead now so I have to start again but they (my thesp agents) did put me on her books and the only other authors she had at the time were Evelyn Waugh and Somerset Maughn. They may be able to point you in the right direction and, as an even older phocoid (dear god I hope I'm using that in the right context), I would be delighted to introduce you. I have to phone them on Monday re some old repeat fees so the proverbial ball is your side of the net.
I don't do favours unless I think the talent is worth the effort and yours just keeps growing...that gorgon thing wasn't half bad!
Take care
boots (now quite pissed of with friend Pin who is definitely wallowing!)

I am so not wallowing
But I'll take any intros going, with gratitude
If your agent-friend needs a specimen, just get me an address and I'll send stuff on. To the novel-synopsis and excerpts, I might now add Gorgon (if I ever get a printer that works).
Just to round off the "me" theme, Phoca are dog-faced seals (such as Grey Seals, Common Seals etc) whereas sea-lions are otarines. And walruses are something else. So that's what phocoid means, yeah? Seal-like. Big dark eyes, whiskers, blotches and fish-breath.
Strictly so you don't have to look it up, you understand.

The irony of all this, of course, is that I should (and will) log off, and fetch the Weddell a drink and get back to the family. That isn't meant to be hurtful. It's just that I'm very aware right now that I'm the lucky one. There are different kinds of guilt, Boots, and guilt isn't always a pathetic thing. Sometimes it keeps us straight and true.

You be OK, now.
Pin

Well I'm glad we settled that one! Working most of tomorrow but will try and log on tomorow night and sort out way to send details to you.
Take care of your lovely family.
boots (now completely knackered)

Wo, Boots

You asked about the collage. It's a bit stalled at the mo, total eight.
I have the next few victims in my sights, but still haven't replaced the printer.
I've got two dog-eared (sorry) copies of the excerpts that someone kindly bothered to return, but this is not enough and anyway I need covering letters, and these must be individually addressed otherwise your being just as impersonal as those b*st*rds who don't read it anyway.

What, me? Getting ed?
Naww.
Never.
Well, OK, maybe, just a bit...

More important - how you doing?
Pin

Hi Pin. Thanks for post. Getting there in answer to your question. Drinking and smoking too much and suffering as a result. However am slowly beginning to function again. Have applied for a Teafl (sp) course and have interview on monday....scary! Can't decide what to do about the day job. The sharks have been circling the ship for six weeks now. It may be time to sell. I do know that long term I will not want to continue doing this. It was 'our' world, I have to live in 'my' world now. Not nice but fact and I still need an income, Ravager and I not great at the 'saving for a rainy day' game. Have applied for an alternative day job... thought interview experience might be interesting (probably depressing). It can't be worse than the rejection slip collage. Just as well we both have broad shoulders eh!
Haven't forgotten about the agent thing...just not had time or inclination to do personal stuff. All that earmarked for Monday (before interview) Two whole days off next week. It is a strange and frightening journey...not nice.
Will get back to you next week when I have spoken to agent. Can then send alternative email details so the whole site doesn't send in unsolicited material!
Take care and thanks for caring
boots

Hi Boots
Just read Oh Lordy. Very fine - I think we can say that your craftsmanship is fully restored (though the rough-hewn stuff of between-times will always be unforgettable)
I can't ever decide where the autobiography ends and the fantasy begins. You don't live quite like that, surely?
As for your interview, etc, hope it's scared=excited and not scared=miserable.
(The trouble with The Relief of Hardship as a Motivator is that it works just as long as you're enduring same. There aren't really any sharks in the Home Counties, are there?)
OK, that's enough egg-sucking tuition. Maybe we'd both better cut down on the juice...
Oops - the Weddell is getting lonely in her inimitable randomly-violent manner .
I'd better go, only I've a new piece to Post. So-so, it is. Important to me, though.
I'm away Mon-Weds so we should maybe save RL-address exchanges till both on line towards end of week, OK?
Really appreciate your sounding them out!
Pin

heavily embelished and observed actuality sadly. Protagonists may swap roles and activities to suit the rambling story of the week and any resemblance to characters blah blah blah etc will of course be vehemently denied, but they are all there...dialogue is even and often directly 'lifted'...people say the most wonderful things and their own lines are the bones I feebly attempt to flesh out. Ravager used to say I was the Jimmy Page of literature (he played with him years ago and apparantly he (JP) nicked any good rifs going in those days!)
Am trying to rework very old radio play into short story...thought it time I stopped wallowing in the saftey net of the comfortable duvet and attempted to push the pen a little further.
'Scared'? Both
'Sharks'? Abound but the extended family have harpoons to the ready...I shall be safe.
Will check out your latest post over the weekend.
Have a good trip and hopefully will have some news for you wed.
Take care
boots (off to nick a few more well chosen barbs and get the wedding on the road)

Hey Pin.
Spoke to agent. He is cool about you sending in synopsis SAE etc (don't you just hate the SAE bit!) Says to use my name as reference. Hope the trip went well. email on [email protected] and will point you in the write direction!
Hope the trip went well.
take care
boots (who has been accepted on TESOL course and who is extremely scared!)

Hi Boots
I'll mail you in RL. Thanx!
(The trip wasn't a major success, but never mind)
TESOL is English as a foreign language, yeah? So you're going to teach English to foreign students, I guess...
*slowly and deliberately counting flippers*
You'll be fine, anyhow. No doubt about it.
Pin *setting off for a good lurk*

(if you want to lose that address from the Convo, I've copied it. Only trouble is, means of removal are a bit limited, yeah? You could probably hit the Mod button, I suppose, but I'm not sure what the Powers would say about such feature-abuse...)

Can't be arsed! They may want flowers! Speak to you soon.
Take care
boots

Oh Boots - I've been remiss, haven't I?

I didn't realise till I saw that plaintive Post under Funderlik that I owed you some Convo. When I look, it has been rather a long time. Sorry.

I haven't been here so much myself. Mainly because of the happy chance of a few days off work with the kids, just starting their summer hols. We've also been investing a shameful amount of effort in finishing off a console game, Verminette and I. There are so many ways to waste your time in this modern world. Bliss, if you ask me, except don't 'cos I won't be listening. I'll probably be staring at some screen or other.

I mailed a packet to your U-Know-What the other day. We're now in the expectant hiatus. It's a while since I've felt this excited about what might be in the post. We shall see.

And how are you? Aside from self-criticism about temporal abnormalities in WB2, that is. (That really doesn't matter, of course. In fact a certain amount of confusion adds to your style)

I read your stuff and I always wonder, Boots. I know you sort-of-answered the last time I asked whether it's autobiographical, but it wasn't quite what I meant. There's a desperation to tell about it all when you write. It seems more than the "read me" demand of us wannabe-writers.

It sometimes makes me quite emotional, to tell the truth. Sometimes we cry at clowns, not because they're frightening, but because they're so obviously sad.

I guess this could be a difficult phase, yeah? Where the people who've been propping you tell themselves you're OK now, and disappear at just the wrong moment? I don't want to pry, and I don't want to claim more prop-credit than I deserve. I'm just sorry I kind of wandered off, like I said.

Pin

Hi Pin good to hear from you. Can only snatch a few moments as really have to do the day job. Good to hear you've been spending time with family. They grow so quickly and you suddenly think...'How come I missed five and twelve and seventeen?' and then they're gone.

keeping fingers crossed for you on the you know what front...gather up those butterflies!

Yeah sad and mask firmly in place...slips now and again but such is life. No one can 'mind the gap' so while all caring is wonderful the path for now can only have company, the soul is gone.
The writing is the release, the words (not the tales) bring back memories of good days gone, the healer. I do love to observe and I do love the absurd so it is not hard, nor even honed but it helps.

On a lighter note I met Ben!!! We had dinner last saturday. What a lovely lady. She suffered my family and friends with style and warmth and I hope pleasure. We plan to meet again. That is so cool. New friends are like signposts in a strange land. She was loved by all.
She was also very kind. She said I wrote with a true voice...well it's the only one I feel comfortable with and I am so bad at subterfuge! (As you well know Ben!)

I holiday soon, with friends who care and who will take care. Time out will be good...being alone on a beach will be good...the mask can fall away for a while...For now you stupid woman you have flowers to cut, bouquets to create and a wretched column to send in before the deadline!

Hope all is truly well with you Pin, sometimes you seem so angry...this life is far too short for that.
Take care friend and thanks for writing. Gorgon is spectacular.
Boots (the clown)