h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

don't know the order but will bung the lines i remeber, if you could co-late jabs


water, water everywhere and all aboard did stink
whiskey, whiskey everywhere and not a drop to drink

there cries the mariner, there comes a ship on the tracks

death and she life in death they play twister for the crew

The boy stood on the burning deck,
Eating peanuts by the peck.

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His pockets full of crackers.
A spark flew up his trouser leg,
And blew off both his nackers!


GT

Alas poor Yorick, I did not know him so well.

the boy stood on the burning deck
playing a game of cricket
a spark jump up his trouser leg
and stumped his middle wicket

Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well...

But he doesn't look too good now...

"'Its not as tea as we know it, Jim!"

To boldly go where no man has gone before--so the natives must have learned English online or from women.....

der ordnung seems OK Taff, but it's hard to tell with extracts. We seem to have moved on, however. Excellent extracts though.

Jabs

"That's one small step for man; one giant real estate acquisition for mankind".

The cricket bowler and the football player went overseas.
In a beautiful flourescent orange car,
They took some lager, and plenty of credit cards,
Wrapped up in a tartan rug.
The cricket bowler looked up to the stars above,
And sang along to a karokee machine,
'O funny football player! O funny football player,
What an eccentric football player you are,
You are,
You are!
What an eccentric football player you are!'

The football player said to the cricket bowler, 'You egocentric soul!
How weirdly strange you sing!
O let us be united! as too long we have worried:
But what shall we do for a party?'
They drove away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the coco bean grows
And there in a wood a football referee stood
With a whistle hanging out of his mouth,
His mouth,
His mouth,
With a whistle hanging out of his mouth.

In my stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. T'others just change channel because they don't understand

The secret of success is to avoid work.

Drink to me only with thine eyes, because I'm out of and the bars are closed.

to know me is to like me, to like me is to love me, to love me is to lend me £20

Why don't you come up and see me strip the floors?

No-one would have believed, in the last years of the twentieth century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of CCTV.

And there were in the same country shepherds cavorting in the fields.

Doin' the Lambeth talk, doing the Lambeth talk.