h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

for love of God and fellow man
i've a self imposed dessert ban
when the moon is next full in the sky
i'll taste again Turkish Delight
till then i dream of tastey snacks
and wonder how i'll stop in my tracks
this new found love of fried junk food
i wish i was a simple frood



Next: Time management

Time Management

Time management is, or so they say,
That you should never do today,
Things on time that you have borrow,
And you can avoid ever doing tomorrow.

Never work when you can rest,
Let others do what they do best,
I'll just sit and waste my time,
Writing another stupid rhyme.

Managed correctly and taking great care,
Time has twelve words for those who dare,
There's Emit, Item, Mite and Ti,
Met, Tie, Em, Et, It, Me and Mi.

Oh - sorry - next subject:

Human Resources Managers!

Can Human Resources
Be managed by horses?
They'll never let you go astray.
You'll have oatmeal at break of day.
They'll give you time for being silly.
Ease up while they chase a filly.

Next topic: Why do hurricanes always head straight for the luxury resort areas?

Big Winds Un-Wind

big winds are terribbly - Terribly fussy fellows
spending each day puffing thier cosmic bellows
their holiday itinery: sea sand and all the scenery
like magpies, they collect all thew sights ( and sites )
they expect the best stretch of beach as thier rights
after an ocean spanning, busy week
they unwind to somewhere thats, highly chic


I think the next might be: The Virtue Of An Early Night

A virtuous man can usually plan
To use his time most wisely.
Thus he then can plan
His sleeping time precisely.

But a normal fool can't play it cool
And sleeps at times erratic.
He snorts and snores and tends to drool
And his dreams are marred by static.


Next....Night starvation!















a

lunch with nice hot tea
warm sunshine kisses my skin
Gin!? Eight long hours wait.






Next: a sandwich.

One Sandwich was a famous port between Ramsgate and Deal
A Cinque Port, Royal, Rich and Real.
But now, sadly it's a long way from the sea -
The sand of centuries, you see.

Next: centuries

Where does it come from,
All this sand,
This dust and dirt that covers the land?
It buries our past, it buries so deep
That to find a few traces of centuries gone
We must delve diligently through sand dirt and stone.

Do not stand still!
For as sure as you do,
You too will be buried,
A human landfill!


Next; Still standing still.

I'm still standing
Still hanging on -
But where the hell
Has everyone gone?


Next topic: No Room at the Inn

The Inn is filled with merry men
and boomimg sounds of merriment
locked in their lights bright this chill cold air
my knock unheard, my need: a bed;no-one does care
the sign says "SHUT" but shadows cavourt in the window
and i, not even a carboard box to stop this cold wind blow




Next : frozen sausages

It is a sad reflection of my mind
That when I saw the "next theme"
My first thought was of a man, a hardy kind,
Wearing short shorts in weather extreme.
His spindly legs were turning blue,
They had been white, and bent, and yet he
Stood there, with his ever changing hue.
And made me think of, Frozen Sausages and Spaghetti!


Next, Warm hearts and cold beer.

Warm hearts and cold beer
Are what we want here
But in Hell so we hear
It's cold hearts, and piping hot beer



Next: trains

The trains to Hell are full
Of iggidy liggedy woggers
Who deemed it right to pull
Strange pranks while drinking lagers.

They blamed others, not themselves
When well-meant plans went wrong.
Their little lies did not deceive.
They dance to the 's song.

[Fire and brimstone, YEAH!!}

Next topic: Port au Prince.

An idiot down our boozer,
A beggar not a chooser,
Decided that Port au Prince
Meant snobs should give up drinking beer
And stick to port like a prince:
With a voice that for miles you cannot but hear
He's driven us mad with his views ever since.


Next: pride

Am I a fool, to put my words on paper?
I strew them there in awkward phrases
Hoping that in spite of their clumsy caper
They will call to life some reader's praises.

Yes, I am a fool. But yet I feel some satisfaction
In placing pieces of me here. I can say I tried
To play my part in this strange attraction.
Perhaps I'll fall, tripped by hubris, preceded by pride.

Aahh! Such is poesy.




next....Falling on your face.

You try your best to do what's right.
You strive to walk the narrow path.
You gird your loins with all your might,
To do some good while cynics laugh.

But life a careless giver is,
And the best don't always win the race.
Too oft will you look up to feel,
The crap from heaven, falling on your face.



Next: Spending a Bob in McDonalds

I went with my mate to Macdonalds
The Vampire crew were on duty
For a snack they charged me my friend Bob
Then crowded to try his veins: what a beauty!


Next: Vampires

The vampire stikes and blood is tainted
And Oh dear the poor girl's fainted
But now she rises to join the undead
And must stalk the living till she's fed
And so it goes from vein to vein
Finally returning to the Count again
And if it's true that vampires thrive
There can't be any humans left alive.


Next: We are normal humans

We are normal humans
Not paranoid, dippy, or sad
But it's so boring, BORING, being normal
I think I'll go mad.


Next: boring