h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

err
tomato's we grew in the ocean
they were so green and unripe
next we'll sew some more seeds
to grow a large field of tripe




next = Preview

Global warming meets financial meltdown:
Some well may think it crudity,
But a preview of fashions for next summer's season
Shows the only affordable fashion is nudity.



Next: The name is Pumpkin, James Pumpkin, equally at home in a dashing sportscar or in bed with a beautiful woman.

nice one Paul

Thanks.

Now I await the stirring tale of Agent 10/31.

James Pumpkin was a sexed-up spy
Who seldom let a day go by
Without some rumpy pumpy in his dashing sports car,
With a longlegged, tight tushed totty,
Whose name was Lusht,or Looss, or even Slotty.
He would swive it merrily all the way
From Roman Ruins to Mandalay
And kill some nasties, just for fun.
Old ooh! ooh! seven was number one!!

(Maybe you should call this The New Bad Poetry Game)

next Niceness is not always boring.

Niceness is not always boring,
Like watching the tele or snoring,
Niceness is happiness, laughter and play,
A drink with your friends and a romp in the hay.

Next: Tickling trout.

AN OLD MAN'S SONG OF WAYWARD YOUTH
by A.Old-Duffer

They're running about
Tickling trout
And now, full of hubris
They're tickling rude bits
And then they're all swimming
And tickling women
And someone was seen
Tickling the Queen.

Oh someone come
And tell them not to touch
Because it's rude, and some
Of them enjoy it far too much

Next: Autumn

All hail the Autumn of the year
(at least we're talking hail, not snow),
When days are often crisp and clear,
With roadside pumpkins in a row.

Next topic: lare-season hurricanes.

Sorry, that should have been

late-season hurricanes.

Damnation - my 'fattening-season hurricanes pome is now destined for the Bad Poetry Thread then (or the bin).

Maybe the flap of a butterfly's wing
Nobody can explain,
What unleashes natures ire,
And starts the mighty hurricane

As it whirls in mid-Atlantic,
Increasing in its might,
Devouring all before it,
Destroying all in sight,

The Caribbean islands,
Get shaken by its wrath,
Yet somehow they enrage it,
As it sets off to the North.

Across the Gulf of Mexico,
More angry then before
To wreak hell and destruction,
Upon the mainland shore.


Next: The dread of winter.

I always think of autumn as the dying of the year.
So winter must be the big sleep.
But still, I do not think of it with fear
But with resignation, for if we are to keep
Our world alive we must live with Its heartbeat,
With Its cycle of seasons, and know
That in turn comes Spring's fragrance sweet
In the air, and rejoice in the days to follow.



Next...Everything.

On a really bad day, everything goes wrong.
The toast gets burned, 'cause I left it in too long.
The coffee spills on my most expensive shirt,
And then my overcoat falls into the dirt.
I run red lights, 'cause I'm really late for work,
And get a ticket (now I'm feeling like a jerk).
I get to work, and I'm worried 'bout a layoff,
But then find out that it should have been my day off.



Next topic: Ice on the river

I was thinking of quoting The Prelude. You know, the bit that goes

It was a time of rapture! Clear and loud
The village clock tolled six,--I wheeled about,
Proud and exulting like an untired horse
That cares not for his home. All shod with steel,
We hissed along the polished ice in games
Confederate, imitative of the chase
And woodland pleasures,--the resounding horn,
The pack loud chiming, and the hunted hare...

However, I suppose that's about ice on the lake. And probably not pc. So

We're piling on our winter clothes
But colder still the weather grows.
Global warming?
There's pack ice forming!
No more the Afton sweetly flows.

('Bad' is the new 'good'. )

Next topic: the black dog

His name is Snuffles. He needs a good home.
Part Lab and part no-one-can-figure-out.
He's black and moody-looking, till you get to know 'm.
He's three years old, or thereabout.

Next topic: staying waem in winter

Hey! There's a curvy bint - her!
She'll see right through you
But still she'll cuddle up to you
- She'll keep you warm in winter!


No offence...


Jab


Next: buses

Buses should be red,
So I'm told it's said,
Routmasters
Avoid disasters.

Oh - forgot.

Next

Brown Trousers

Where have my brown trousers gone?
I need them--I'm mowing my lawn.
When I wear them you see,
I look just like a tree,
But I'll have to mow nude, pale and wan.

Next topic: free donuts

I heard they were selling free donuts
(Though 'selling' is a misnomer)
Got to the store in a mo, but
They'd all been eaten by Homer.

(Not the one who wrote The Iliad.)


Next: merchant bankers