h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(ships' cats, of course)

I've been shipping cats all day.
ing things just want to play.
Can they help put up the sails?
No! No! No! They chase their tails.

Next: Tinfoil swords.

Issue the army with tinfoil swords
- not guns -
that would be a step towards
a new world which rewards
us, as sister and brother
- or cousins -
descended from the same woman (*Lucy*) in Africa -
for treating each other
well instead of badly. In short -
as sister and brother.



[*Lucy is a lighthearted name for LUCA - Last Universal Common Ancestor - (by DNA) - who lived about 3.2 million years ago in Ethiopia - the remains of a female from the same age have been found there and they called her Lucy]

See http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/prehistoric_life/human/human_evolution/mother_of_man1.shtml



Next: when I'm ill

When I am Ill

Must we all be forced,
By doctors to endure,
The endless tests and check-ups,
About which they are not sure.
Do they have any inkling,
When they say, “Stick out your tongue,”
If it’s the heart or kidney,
Or the liver or the lung,

Can they practice it on others,
Not practice it on me,
And leave me very well alone,
And just let me be me.
Lets take some more blood samples,
It cannot be amiss,
Stools, urine – now come on
Who’s now taking the **ss?


Next: Cold Turkey

Pedantic -

The fridge door opens gingerly
(Who knows what might fly out? < bat>).
I search for something edible.
Of most things I am out .

At last I spy a soggy lump,
Which might be my salvation:
A lump of turkey, not gone bad,
To save me from starvation.

Next topic: eggs

Eggs, legs, clotheless pegs.
Drinking coffee to the dregs.
Life is listless, life's a bum.
Waiting round for Kingdom Come.
Enter a cat with waving tail,
Unhearing of my silent wail.
Fixes me with round eyed stare.
Softly beautiful, willing to share
Her love of life, her warmth, her being.
Her seeing things that I'm not seeing.

I'll share her world, let grimness fall.
It's not a bad life after all.


KL.(Is this the bad poetry place?)

Next (if any) Frozen fingers

I bought ten dozen lady fingers in a fit of madness.
Gobbled sixty, then felt bloated, bliss had turned to sadness.
Glumly eyed the rest of them. Too many had I chosen.
Threw out all the frozen meat, so I could get them frozen.

Next topic: Should kangaroos be allowed to carry weapons?

Yes, let's even up the playing field
By giving roos a gun
A wild roo can be vicious
But much worse is the human one.

Yes, give them the gun
Give them the gun
Let them try out
What used to be fun(except for some food for the Abbos)
What used to be fun
For Australian settlers,
Pomme troublemakers
And everyone.

If Life gets you down - go and Kill one for fun!
But who'd be surprised if an equally armed one made you quake and yell and run...


Evan Hawforth, Australian and Proud of it)

I'm not Australian, and proud of it.
Or maybe I am, but I'm out of it.
If Evan Hawforth
ever comes North,
I'll confuse him too, there's no doubt of it.

Next topic:
The bridge over the Atlantic.

Apologies - I thought this was the Bad Poetry thread, which is where my effort re. Kangaroos belongs! This is Without Prejudice to the other poems in this thread, which I'm certainly not claiming belong there as well.

Jab

You may post bad poems here, if you wish,
But prose is like smelly dead fish.
We welcome your verse,
Be it better or worse.
It can even be piles of green pish.

Next topic: The bridge over the Atlantic.

Beautiful Bridge oer the Silv’ry Sea!
Alas! I am very sorry to see
That never this link cross the 'lantic will be
But the idea – however ridiculous
Will long be remembered by all of us

(owing a little to William 'Topaz' Jabberwok III)

Next topic:
`CROSSED THREADS"

I see my fame is far and wide
It fills my heart with glee
Gee. I'm almost as famed as the silv'ry bridge
Quite near to renowned Dundee
Where the students wear red gowns not black
To show off their famed university;
And I'm straight as a die
No need to simulate prevaricate procrastinate or lie
For I'm a native of that Royal and Honourable City.
Dishonesty
Is quite alien and foreign and belongs in England or Oversea
As does misunderstanding, however well meant it be
So no puzzlement, no widow's tears and no scratched heads can you see
- No crossed threads for me.

William 'Topaz' Jabberwock 111
From 'Lays of a Gifted and Famed Thespian'

Next: Arthur

"My God!" I said. "Am I off of my head?
I don't know if I,m Arthur or Martha.
Will the world end, and will it depend
On some curious Froggies' disaster??"

Cold reason would say, at the end of the day,
That Mere Man could not be so clever
As to build a machine, with capacity clean,
To wipe out our dear world-- no not never!!

Well, hardly ever!


(Is this another crossed thread?)


Next...Happiness is a dog with a juicy bone.

Happiness is a dog with a juicy bone
Or a boy with a juicy boner

Jab,,,,,,



Next: Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas in another galaxy,
Far from here, too far for Santa's reindeer cavalry.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
But they were eight-sided socks, and they doubled as underwear.

Santa couldn't come, but his cousin Thmirx filled in,
Except when (almost always) he was drinking cheap gin.
Which exists throughout the universe as far as I know.
So, a dysfunctional Christmas to all, and that's as far as I can go.

Next Topic: Should tomatoes grow in the ocean?

Post 636

I must point out very strongly that I didn't mean that remotely in a paedophile way. I was thinking of when me and me mates were teenagers, but I couldn't get the long word 'teenager' into the line.

Jab



Next: Should tomatoes grow in the ocean?

In the ocean,
Should tomatoes grow??

No!

Next?