h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Free goes can lead to woes,
Caution should be used.
But caution shackles happy toes
When we should be enthused.

Run with the wind, lie down 'neath the trees.
Shout at the sun, sing with cracked voice.
Don't care what THEY think, make it your choice.
BUT...but..hurt no one else, when you do as you please.


KL


There you go.

Grumpy Uncle Flister came to live with us one day.
He was always quiet, for he hadn't much to say,
Except for this: that children should be quiet now and then.
"The place where I grew up," he said, "on day 110
Required silence absolute. 'Twas music to our ears.
No childish prattle, rock and roll--oh, those were blissful years!"

Next topic:

What to do when dental floss gets caught between your teeth

What to do when dental floss gets caught between your teeth

When dental floss, or bits of string, between your teeth get caught,
You only have yourself to blame, so don’t start feeling fraught,
Don’t go crying to the dentist, or call the para-meds,
I would suggest you go and see the garage-man instead.

He has a large compressor, used for blowing up flat tyres,
And this is what your floss filled teeth, in actual fact requires;
Adjust the air-line’s nozzle til you get the finest jet,
Apply to the offending spot and all is solved, you bet!!

Next: Apocynum cannabinum (aka Indian Hemp or Dogbane)

The dogbane grows beside my door.
I've often wondered what it's for.
My neighbors love it ('tis no joke),
And (strangely) like to smell its smoke.

Next topic: When you're dreaming that you're relaxing on a tropical beach somewhere, and the alarm clock hoes off.

The dream was good...I'm fairly sure,
Of palms and sand and sparkling sea.
I wish that I could tell you more,
But the alarm clock's clamour has rattled me.

I tried my best to go back there,
To where the crystal water flows
In sreamlets, to the ocean fair.
A dream...I know...but whence came the sand
Between my toes?

KL


Next..Why was he born so beautiful?

The Gyllenhaalics won't foresake
Their worship of the handsome Jake.
Oh, no one knows why he was born
So teenage girls might feel forlorn
That they could never kiss his face,
Or feel the warmth of J.G.'s grace.

Next topic: Why does it have to rain so much?

It rains because it rains.
It rains and rains because it rains.
It rains so much because it rains.
It rains because it rains and rains.
It rains because it rains.


Hope this rain keeps up.
Why?
'cause then it won't come down.



Next: Pretty me.

‘Pretty me’, swore Polly,
As she struggled with her brollie,
To protect her coiffured hair from driving rain,
‘When the weather’s so damned foul,
It’s enough to make you howl’,
Global warming really sucks to them what’s vain.

Next: Belgian humour

Belgian humour's pretty awful
When you take the "Belgian waffle,"
Introduced (or so I hear)
At the 1964 World's Fair;
Based on "gauffres," not so posh,
Yeasty dough like a brioche.
Waffles date to ancient Greece,
Where they might have dined in peace,
'Til Germany got in the act.
All 'cross Europe they've been tracked.
Belgium's troubles have been awful;
This time they can have their waffle.



Next topic: some lost his/her ring in the reflecting pool

The ring slipped into the cool dark water
To be caught by a fish
which was caught by an angler
who was caught by his wife
as he gave it to his lover
who was caught with despair
and the floating of her hair
as she herself slipped into cool dark water



Next: Proposal

I sent my love a billet-doux,
Which read "Violets are blue,
As am I, without you."

On February 14, she
Sent a billet-doux to me,
Which read, "Kneel upon one knee.
I would gladly wedded be."

Next topic: Is the sun on strike, or what?

The answer to your question must be "what" -
If the sun were on strike it would not
be shining like it is here today
That's always the way -
You essay a bit of humour
And events take you the wrong way altogether
In fact it's just like spring today
In the woods and fields of England
it's as warm and bright as May

And anyway, if the sun were on strike
it would ever be the middle of night
and that's not right
For the sun is shining, clear and bright,
and that flower of spring, the sweet primrose
has come out to greet him in her nice new clothes
Down there by the long grass - look -
By the old apple tree by the old laughing brook.




Next: happiness

(Posted on another thread before - I think)

Happiness

Have you seen, by any chance
A weasel with a rabbit dance
Playing with amazing guile
Pirouetting all the while
Inviting death with rigid stare
Never looking anywhere
Except the eye of chosen victim
Singled out as if by dictum
Spellbound, you watch also entranced.

Next: Sorrow

(I shall returnwhen I can think of one)I'm thinking

'Tis sad, in bleakest February,
When the fierce winds blow,
That topics sorrowful, not merry,
Touch all those I know.

Next topic: Looking forward to Spring

It's Autumn here.
I think of it as the dying of the year.
But it is a reluctant death.
Days are still warm,
And dry.
And Autumn leaves are peaceful
To the eye.

I cannot welcome Winter.
I endure it.
Its cold and wetness, dark days drag on.
Ills and chills and heating bills.
One thing alone
Can cure it.
SPRING!!




Next..Swimming.

That's beautiful!!

I totally agree, Pedantic.

Ills and chills and heating bills - what a great line


Jab

Topic: swimming

The blust'ry wind hurls raindrops at me.
On my windshield, swirling brooks
Go cascading, heltry skeltry,
As I drive through lakes (Gadzooks!).

One would think I'd lost my senses--
A fool's errand, I the fool.
I must state, with no pretenses:
Going to the swimming pool.

Next topic:

How sunny it is the day after the rainstorm.