h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Jack Spratt could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
And so between the both of them
They licked the platter clean

[Anon.]



Exhaustion

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean.
And so, betwixt them both, you see, they licked the platter clean.

Next topic:

Things that are red

Snailrind's post was not visible when I posted mine, yet we both came up with the same idea. Great minds think alike!

Exhaustion and things that are red, sounds like sitting at a red light a few days before Christmas, when you are utterly exhausted from getting ready for Christmas.

Red

I lie here in the grass, dreaming, warming
Face to the sun, away from you
I see you, but not through these tired eyes
You stop to mop the sweat and catch your breath
And look to see if I still breathe
Seeing that I do you turn again
To struggle with reluctant earth
Long settled and satisfied
Stone interlocked with stone
Tied by twisted roots
All glued in oneness by the clay
More stubborn than the earth
You pry and break and dig
Just so wide and just so long
And just so very deep
Your sweat waters the earth
As do your often tears
Of all you've ever done for me
This may be the most meaningless
And still the most meaningful
I would have gone to sleep in the woods
To be eaten by attendant bears
But your love for me demands your patient working
I am blessed by your blistered hands
I am honored by your pick with handle broken
We are teaching one another how to share the earth
In yet another way.

Hawk Watcher - Sha Peko Ouachita - ©1990

(to lateI had one for symbiosis)



subject: rubber

First, are you our sort of a person?
Do you wear
A glass eye, false teeth or a crutch,
A brace or a hook,
Rubber breasts or a rubber crotch,

Stitches to show something's missing? No, no? Then
How can we give you a thing?
Stop crying.
Open your hand.
Empty? Empty. Here is a hand

To fill it and willing
To bring teacups and roll away headaches
And do whatever you tell it.
Will you marry it?

[The Applicant: Sylvia Plath]

Next subject: Marriage

>Marriage< argh! 14 yrs as a single parent..never agin...pass!

Subject: Marriage

They married in a chapel in the dell.
Her sister sang "Oh, promise me" not well.
A chauffeur drove them to Niagara Falls.
The groom got drunk and wet his overalls.
The bride ate too much cake and had to vomit.
Meanwhile, the groom was watching "Wallace and Grommet."
Across the threshold groom then carried bride.
Let's hope a happy life awaits inside.

And the next topic: holiday traffic.

Hey man d'ya want some speed
It's Christmas, Hell for Straights
P'haps horse is what you need
You got the bread man, I got the goods
The goody-good feeling goods

Hey man w'd'you like some skank
Better than shouting who cuts the turkey I'll never speak to you again -
Know what I mean?
You got the bread man, I got good feelings
Guaranteed good feelin's in my dealin's

And tranx and downers too
Excape from Christmas and whatever makes you stew
With the advance cash, no need to feel blue
When Christmas and the booze be raisin' their ugly heads
You'll be upstairs, unconscious, unawares. Safely in bed.

'Christmas Trafficing' Orig.

Next: Christmas

Ding, dong, merrily I'm high!
My synapses are singing.
Ding, dong! I can touch the sky,
Where happy stars are winging.
Who needs turkey roasts and
Hackneyed Christmas ghosts, when
Heaven is my host, ah, ahh...
I won't enjoy my comedown.


Lurching haggardly around,
O, Jesus, God and Mary.
Think I'll curl up on the ground:
The tinsel is so scary.
Angry Christmas trees are
Coming after me and
Shining horribly, oh, ohh...
I need another hit now.



[Orig. It's not a song, honestly, Jabs - I know it looks like a song, but it's really not. Really. ]



Angels

sorry to break the rhythm, but I've had this sent via email and thought that it would be nice to put it here.....Thanks


AN EARLY XMAS THOUGHT


T'was the night before Christmas, he lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house, made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney, with presents to give,
And to see just who, in this home did live.
I looked all about, a strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.
No stocking by the mantle, just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.
With medals and badges, awards of all kinds,
A sober thought came through my mind.
For this house was different, it was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.
The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,
Curled up on the floor, in this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder,
Not how I pictured, a war weary soldier.
Was this the hero, of whom I'd just read?,
Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?
I realized the families, that I saw this night,
Owed their lives to these soldiers, who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world, the children would play,
And grownups would celebrate, a bright Christmas day.
They all enjoyed freedom, each month of the year,
Because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder, how many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas eve, in a land far from home.
The very thought brought, a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees, and started to cry.
The soldier awakened, and I heard a rough voice,
"Santa, don't cry, this life is my choice.
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,
My life is my god, my country, my corps."
The soldier rolled over, and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours, so silent and still,
And we both shivered, from the cold night's chill.
I didn't want to leave, on that cold, dark night,
This guardian of honour, so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice, soft and pure,
Whispered, "carry on Santa. Christmas day and all is secure."
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right,
"Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night."


This poem was written by a peace keeping soldier stationed overseas.

The following is his request.


'PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favour of sending this to as many
people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our service men and women for our being able to celebrate these
festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we
owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who
sacrificed themselves for us.

(I know it looks like a chain letter type thing-but then again ?)


thank you my friends. now back to
subject:angels

OK Prof. Many thanks for that.


angels

Jab!

old Yorkshire saying:

merry Anadins and happy New Paracetamols

my friend

'Twas the night before Wishmas
And all throught the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Well---maybe a louse,
When an angel walked in
Through the broken front door,
Took a sniffy look 'round,
Kicked some junk from the floor
And spoke to me sternly,
Told me I was a bum.
Said if I did not clean up,
Santy Claws would not come.
So I hung my head humbly,
Put the vacuum to work,
But still he did not come!
Santy Claws is a jerk!!

Just joking. Merry whatever. Kl.

Forgot! Over excited I guess.

Next subject,

New Year.

A New Year arrives, what fun, what joy!
(I never figured out the old one.)
A new slate I'm given. I feel like a boy!
(My inner adult? Can't behold one.)
I'll make resolutions for self-improvement.
(My flaws would take decades to sort out.)
I'll join a bandwagon, take part in a movement
(And have my life-savings get poured out).

Next topic: Taking life one day at a time

Take it easy. Be good to one another,
Life is fragile, though we think it strong.
One moment, one shift in time, and
Day turns to endless night. We only borrowed it.
At the end of life is the end of everything.

A split of a second and it's gone.
Time goes on.




[Take Life One Day At A Time - orig.]

Next subject: 'My Family'

'My Family' is a touchy theme.
Time has eroded the ties that bind.
The glue of love does not seem
To hold us now. I do not mind
For I am old, and it feels as though
I must cast off lines that have held me here.
In shipping talk when it's time to go
They 'single up', leaving just one line to the pier,
Then cast that off, and solemnly sail
To their far off port of call.
So when 'blue peter' flies, and my systems fail,
I'll cast off that line to my family. Farewell all.

Kl.

next topic, Sailing.

That's brilliant!

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me,
And let there be no moaning at the bar
As I put forth to sea."

Tennyson

Next topic: What is the meaning of life?