h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So am I. Maybe you can convince me that your parroting is just like the real thing.

Oh, that I can do, but not that it *is* the real thing. I don't think you are that gullible.

Well, I can try, if it helps.

Now we're back to the sharks, the draining and Air Force One.

Right...So what do you suggest?

Begging on a street corner...?
"Help the poor parrot cross the Atlantic!"

If you can convince everyone you're a parrot, you might be able travel in one of those little animal cages. It would probably be cheaper that way, though you'd still have to get someone else to put your cage on the plane.

Yeah, or I could fly myself - no, it's too far. But I could ride the rigging of some ship.

Or you could find a pirate on his way across the ocean and just sit on his shoulder.

Yeah, that way I'll probably be fed too. I'm not so sure I could do my python for you if I was dead on starvation on arrival.

Yeah, you need someone to feed you crackers during the trip, I guess. Just be careful if the pirates ever end up in a sea battle.

Is it dangerous for parrots when pirates battle?

Well, it's likely that the pirates will shoot at each other in this battle, in which case, you probably don't want to be on one's shoulder.

Oh, maybe I'd better stay home then and think up something else I can do instead.

If you fly off and hide in some remote part of the ship, I think you should be okay.

Ah, ok. How long will the journey take, you think? And how can I be sure they go to South Carolina?

If you find a map, just put a big, red X on South Carolina. Then, you'll get there in no time.

Aaaah! Of course! See you soon then!

Oh, I can't wait!

And the nearest port where I can find a pirate ship...?