h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

While I'm sure there are games involving boats and shooting, I can't think of one at the moment.

You could have mentioned my song.

And I *said* we wouldn't have to do any shooting!

You *want* shooting??!!

Your song was really great and I'm glad it didn't have any shooting in it.

*sigh*

Ok, then. No boats. You go ahead and practice stealing the Air Force One then. I'll pop out in the meanwhile and buy myself a very expensive insurance.

Okay. Let's see. I'll need a press pass, a briefcase, and lots of donuts.

And a sharp suit. Polish your shoes. Neat hair cut. Avoid giving the impression you have to go through any body search.

I'll rig up my life support system in the meantime.

Right. I'll wear my "I'm not going to hijack air force one" t-shirt.

Don't shave. You can hide your UZI in your beard.

I'll go and break some bones by jumping out of the window now, so I can test the life support machine.

Try not to break any of the important bones. You might need them later.

Well, you do sound kind of confident. Maybe I should trust you got the experience it takes.

For sale: Life support system. As good as new.

It's only the most heavily guarded aircraft in the country. How hard could it be?

Ok. I trust you. Just make sure the minibar is filled.

The minibar...I don't think that was in the movie...I'll have to improvise.

It has one, I'm sure. It has 85 telephones, as well as multi-frequency radios for air-to-air, air-to-ground and satellite communications. Can't imagine they've put in all that and then forget to put in a minibar for all the telephone and radio operators.

Well, I guess you can't really expect the flight personnel to do their jobs sober.

I was thinking of the peanuts, actually, not the booze. But maybe it isn't a minibar you should look for after all, come to think of it. Something that can hold 2000 meals might be a wee bit bigger.

So, I'll have to look for the mega-minibar, then.

Check if they have any nice films aboard too while you're at it.
And that there are no Italians clogging up all those phone lines.