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Posted Jul 24, 2001
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A52345?thread=129918
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Latest reply: Jul 24, 2001
END-OF-THE-UNIVERSE PARODY THEATER
Posted Jul 20, 2001
STAGE MANAGER: (Ambling down the aisle with
a clipboard in his hands and a puzzled expression on
his face. Stands on stage and looks around briefly)
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This play was
supposed to have been "Your Town," by Thorlton
Wildling, but there's been an unfortunate mixup.
(Several Wildling groupies in section 7 frown and
shake their heads.)
STAGE MANAGER: Apparently someone put all
the houses on rollers and wheeled them across the
border into The Next Town in the dark of night….
WILDLING GROUPY IN ROW 4: (Standing)
You mean, they can't be wheeled back here? The
aisles are wide enough…..
STAGE MANAGER: Ah-yup, they could, but
these house-nappers are clever. They could wheel
them elsewhere before we could get to them. If our
audience doesn't mind, we could always just do
another show, and save everybody a lot of trouble…..
(The Wildling Groupies start collecting their stuff, as
if to leave, while the rest of the audience claps, as
most of them think this is a pretty good idea.)
STAGE MANAGER: I guess I should explain that
"Your Town" is one of the most-performed works in
recent American theater history. Amateur groups
and high school drama clubs love it--No scenery is
required, and there's a part for almost everyone
who wants to participate.
WILDLING GROUPY IN ROW 4: (Standing up
again) I've seen it 9,766 times. I could say the lines
in my sleep!
STAGE MANAGER: That's impressive. I've made
a career of the Stage Manager role myself--had to
learn this down-home accent to do it, but now it's
second nature, ah-yup.
WILDLING GROUPY IN ROW 4: It does you
credit, sir. That's one reason I came here today. If
I see the show one more time, I'll hold the world
record for the number of times anyone has seen it.
STAGE MANAGER: Well, this is a theater-in-the-
round, so we can do any show we wish, with little
or no scenery. Also, the new owners have said that
we can do parody productions. We can mix and
match characters and scenes at will…but this has to
be done in the silliest possible way for it to work….
MAN IN AUDIENCE: Moving the whole town
was as silly as it gets! (Rest of audience applauds)
LITTLE GIRL IN AUDIENCE: Could we have
Alice in Wonderland playing tennis with Moby
Dick? That's always been my most favorite scene!
STAGE MANAGER: Duly noted. And now,
while I change into Purple tutus, the Singing Mush-
rooms will entertain you….(Assistant Stage Manager
at back of theater shakes his head) No? Well, I
guess the First Act will be a total surprise even
To me. So here they are, to start our show, the
To Be Announced Players. Hurray!
(The rest of the show will be covered in the
Discusison Threads)
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Jul 20, 2001
GOODBYE WORLD PARODY THEATER
Posted Jul 19, 2001
GOODBYE WORLD PARODY THEATER
STAGE MANAGER: (Ambling down the aisle with a clipboard in his
hands and a puzzled expression on his face. Stands on stage and
looks around briefly) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
This play was supposed to have been "Your Town," by Thorlton
Wildling, but there's been an unfortunate mixup.
(Several Wildling groupies in section 7 frown and shake their heads.)
STAGE MANAGER: Apparently someone put all the houses on rollers
and wheeled them across the border into The Next Town in
the dark of night….
WILDLING GROUPY IN ROW 4: (Standing) You mean, they can't
be wheeled back here? The aisles are wide enough…..
STAGE MANAGER: Ah-yup, they could, but these house-nappers
are clever. They could wheel them elsewhere before we could
get to them. If our audience doesn't mind, we could always
just do another show, and save everybody a lot of trouble…..
(The Wildling Groupies start collecting their stuff, as if to leave, while
the rest of the audience claps, as most of them think this is a
pretty good idea.)
STAGE MANAGER: I guess I should explain that "Your Town" is
one of the most-performed works in recent American theater
history. Amateur groups and high school drama clubs love it-
No scenery is required, and there's a part for almost everyone
who wants to participate.
WILDLING GROUPY IN ROW 4: (Standing up again) I've seen it
9,766 times. I could say the lines in my sleep!
STAGE MANAGER: That's impressive. I've made a career of the
Stage Manager role myself-had to learn this down-home
accent to do it, but now it's second nature, ah-yup.
WILDLING GROUPY IN ROW 4: It does you credit, sir. That's one
reason I came here today. If I see the show one more time,
I'll hold the world record for the number of times anyone
has seen it.
STAGE MANAGER: Well, this is a theater-in-the-round, so we can
do any show we wish, with little or no scenery. Also, the new
owners have said that we can do parody productions. We can
mix and match characters and scenes at will…but this has to
be done in the silliest possible way for it to work….
MAN IN AUDIENCE: Moving the whole town was as silly as it gets!
(Rest of audience applauds)
LITTLE GIRL IN AUDIENCE: Could we have Alice in Wonderland
playing pool with Moby Dick? That's always been my most
favorite scene!
STAGE MANAGER: Duly noted. And now, while I change into
Purple tutus, the Singing Mushrooms will entertain you….
(Assistant Stage Manager at back of theater shakes his head)
No? Well, I guess the First Act will be a total surprise even
To me. So here they are, to start our show, the To Be
Announced Players. Hurray!
(The rest of the show will be covered in the Discusison Threads)
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Jul 19, 2001
Interesting links
Posted Jul 14, 2001
Link to H2G2 statistics:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/info?
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Jul 14, 2001
THEOLOGY AND VOGON POETRY
Posted Jul 9, 2001
RAGTIME VOGON POETRY AND ITS
THEOLOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
There are some who wonder why God allows Vogons to
Destroy whole planets, thus sending trillions of lifeforms
to undeserved oblivion. Although we can't speak for God
(only His press agent and a few prophets can do that),
anonymous sources have informed us that Heaven recog-
nizes two principal benefits from Vogon planet-bashing:
<angel? <angel?
1. Heaven needs more Angels (sorry, Dodgers fans), and
2. Wanton destruction gives Vogons more material from
which they fashion their poetry.
Now, argument number one needs little explanation.
Number two, however, may appear illogical at first.
After all, isn't Vogon poetry pretty bad? Well, the
charitable explanation is that the Vogons haven't
been writing for very long, and they might get better
as they get more practice. And no one, not even 
the Devil, wants Vogon poetry to get any worse than
it already is. (Not that anyone thinks it could.....but
who wants to tempt fate?)
Actually, there is sometimes a third reason given:
3. Vogons selectively target for destruction those
planets inhabited disproportionately by poetry critics.
With fewer critics in the cosmos, no one will know
just how bad the Vogons are as poets. (God and the
Devil know, of course, but the Vogons don't know
which planets they can be found on, nyah,
nyah!). 
Ragtime Vogons take poetry a step further (further
down, that is, not further up :- ) by setting it to music,
specifically ragtime, a type of syncopated music
which took America by storm during the first
15 years of the twentieth century. In the hands of
talented composers like Scott Joplin, Eubie Blake,
or Irving Berlin, ragtime was an irresistible
treat. In the hands of the Vogons, well, .........words fail
us. Even pictures (like, for example, the Titanic
sinking, or the Hindenburg crash) are inadequate.
Judge for yourself from the following examples:
The Maple Leaf Vogon Rag
(With apologies to Scott Joplin )
I am the meanest Vogon in this wretched galaxy.
I've axed a hundred planets since this morning after tea.
I've abused the in-flight caterers
For their soggy mashed potaterers.
My job is really ducky
'Cause the stuff I do is yucky.
All the other Vogons watch in admiration
As I shake the earth's foundation
With the Vogon Leaf Rag.
The Vogon Entertainer
(More apologies to S.J.)
Where is my old straw hat?
Where are my spiky shoes?
Time to give everyone the blues!
Oh,
There's a pleasure that none can match,
When you are ugly and green, and can't dance.
But your audience has to watch
As around the whole spaceship you prance.
You are footloose and feelin' pumped
(Although your softshoe is more like CLUMP! CLUMP!).
You're the body electric,
The Vogon select trick,
The star of the planet-bustin' show!
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Latest reply: Jul 9, 2001
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