h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I never eat soup with a knife.
I've never done that in my life.
A spoon is the best
For soup eating, lest
It dribbles all over my wife.

Stan is a man with a van and a plan
to sell spray tan and his favourite scran.
Sometimes he is known as Anne the gran
who's humour is rather deadpan.

His gender fluctuates with the weather
when he sometimes changes his name to Heather.
She/he wants to travel to the aether
with the help of his mate Trevor.

I'm waiting for Fortune to call.
He's said to be handsome and tall.
I can't explain why,
He's said to be shy,
And has all the earth in his thrall.

There was an old Fox from New Forest
who hurt where its body was sorest
along came his friend
making amends:
- Let's feast on this cheesecake before us!

A poem about Simba my cat

A cat sat on the mat
wearing a top hat.
He was sorting out his tat
while having a chat
with an Alcathoe bat called Nat.
Simba would talk about Pat
who's an expert in unarmed combat.
They ate the finest sprats
from out of a brandy vat
while working out ways of not getting fat.

There was a fox called Fawkes
would think outside the box.
The fox would eat the finest lox
when wearing odd coloured socks.
The fox would grow stocks
in waste ground near Tilbury Docks.
He would listen to the jukebox
playing "rock around the clock".
This would cause a temporal paradox
where we would be stuck in a permanent Vernal equinox.

I set out to catch a fine fox.
For bait, I used catnip and lox.
I caught one, all right.
He was old, sick, and white,
And dressed in some ragged old frocks.

Uncle Stan has a plan
to become a g-man.
He has become a gran
when changing his name to Jan.

He has changed his gender
when he repairing his fender.
Jan's home is filled with splendour
when becoming a Marvel defender.

The marvel comics universe
Continues to get worse and worse.
Oh, where will it stop?
Should I call a cop,
or just write some more silly verse?

I suggest you continue with verses
instead of fighting or curses
at comics so silly
absurd nilly willy
you'll probably never win versus

It's odd that folks want superheroes.
We're all so much better than zeroes.
But Greeks had strong gods,
And maybe the odds
Support confidence. Let's eat gyros.

I agree of course on the Gyros!
And wine from ancient Mykonos
let's not forget Ouzi*
and the sound of Bouzouki
You can pick up the tab for all of us



* = plural of ouzo

Greek culture has much to recommend it. Greek cuisine has some yummy stuff!

I remember fondly a local chain of Greek restaurants called "Aegean fare."

There's a Greek fast food place in Dedham Square. I tried it once. The food didn't send me, but then, Dedham Square is not a square (it's more like a diamond in shape).

Take a hike to Hawick.
Wonder at Pike's walking stick.
Take a ride on a bus
with a bride called Gus.
Have a preamble in Amble
where they gamble with bramble.

This is the story of Dick,
Whose cousins thought he was a hick,
But he played croquet
Far better than they,
And this simply made them all sick

This is the story of Harris,
Who usually just could not bear us,
But then he would pass
A bad-smelling gas,
And this was a move to embarrass.

This is the story of Beryl,
Who who spent all her time in a carrel.
Shed read all the day,
But at night she would bay
At moons, for you see she was feral.

I'll tell you the story of Frances,
Who spent all her time at the dances.
Her face was quite plain,
Which caused her some pain,
But still she liked to take her chances.

I haven't gone skiing in years.
I bought all my ski stuff at Sears.
It's Summer, I know.
There's not lots of snow.
Impractical? Yes, it appears.

Let's wait 'til the clouds have rolled by,
Revealing a great swath of sky,
Then dance 'mongst the daisies
Like demented crazies,
And top it off with ice cream pie.