h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ferrets are wily and wild
don't let them near any child
They'll eat of its sweets
hide the rest of the treats
while pretending to be cute and mild

Fairness towards ferrets, I say,
Is just the American way.
They'll eat prairie dogs,
Several mice, and some frogs
Then go for a roll in the hay.

I don't know where I've been,
I don't know what I've seen.
I don't where I am I now,
or if I'll ever learn the way of Tao.
I don't know what I know about playing the banjo
but all I know I am being filled with an inner glow.
So I will sail the seven seas and do as I please
and have a life of ease by travelling to Cadiz.

Don't leave me now with a pot of tea
when we visit the resort of Amble by the sea.
Will you come and play on the banana slide
and will you give me the photo of the lion pride?
You see that everything changes on the home grange
and when Doctor Stephen Strange banishes all types of mange.

A pot of tea, a loaf of bread, and thou
Beside me, singing in the wilderness.
The ants would detect us somehow,
And we'd have a bit of a mess.

I am going to sail faraway to Bombay
where there is a cafe where I'll have my last hooray.
I will tell of my time in the Shetland town of Scalloway
on my way to a ceilidh soiree, I could feel the sea spray
as I talked to the local padre about a game of croquet.

When your day is done and you rest
in the chair that you love the best
with a tall glass of gin
and tonic within
you feel like you have earned a fest

For a dare dance as though you don't have a care
and show off your unique dancing style and flair.
Take a risk by making home-made seafood bisque
and prepare pancake batter using an electric whisk.
Take a leap of faith by driving in an off road Jeep;
and help a shepherd in rounding up a flock of sheep.

Come and sample this bottle of navy rum with me
and look out to the sea and be glad we're happy and free.
Here is a bowl of stew plums that have been soaked in rum
and I'll go and play on my set of drum while chewing gum.

Posted Just Now by Online NowRosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)
Come and sample this bottle of navy rum with me
and look out to the sea and be glad we're happy and free.
Here is a bowl of stew plums that have been soaked in rum
and I'll go and play on my set of drums while chewing gum.

I just got some rum from the Navy.
I used it to make some nice gravy.
I poured it on beans
And tart tangerines.
It's making my hair kind of wavy.

Please don't go and leave me with your banjo
as I don't to play it as I'm always on the go.
You tell me to relax and go with the flow
and stop chasing rainbows and forecasts for snow
as the weather models can only guess as they don't know.
So please join me on a long walk through the meadow
playing on your banjo and I'll dance the calypso.
We could go to the auditions for the Spring village show.

Please don't go and leave me with your banjo
as I don't have time to play it as I'm always on the go.
You tell me to relax and go with the flow
and stop chasing rainbows and forecasts for snow
as the weather models can only guess as they don't really know.
So please join me on a long walk through the meadow
playing on your banjo and I'll go and dance the calypso.
We then could go to the auditions for the Spring village show.

I once tried to play the banjo.
I thought I would play soft and low.
My friends all complained
That my song sounded strained,
And one kicked me right in the toe.

This is not another boring sentimental poem
words that you'll find in a gushy love lay*
It will be about an adventure involving a lost diadem
with encounters with orcs, trolls, giants and the fae.
There will be many trials and obstacles to overcome
with the determination to keep going to the bitter end.
People will not understand us as we march to a different drum
as our bodies, minds and spirits evolve and transcend.

*Lay can be a narrative poem or poem set to music; a ballad. It also can be a song, a tune.

This is not another boring sentimental poem
words that you'll find in a gushy love lay*
It will be about an adventure involving a lost diadem
with encounters with orcs, trolls, giants and the fae.
There will be many trials and obstacles to overcome
and have the determination to keep us going to the bitter end.
People will not understand us as we march to a different drum
as our bodies, minds and spirits evolve and transcend.

*Lay can be a narrative poem or poem set to music; a ballad. It also can be a song, a tune.

My poems sound quite awful at first.
I don't know, perhaps I am cursed.
But if I rewrite,
The results are a fright.
I explode them until they're dispersed.

Hey soul sister have you seen Mister Lister
with his transistor radio walking through a tornado twister?
He's going to meet up with Antonio at the local rodeo
who's got a reputation of being bit of a Romeo.

If errors creep into your verse,
Rewriting may just make them worse.
Once through's bad enough.
Twice through is quite tough,
And three times is simply perverse.

Let's get ready to rumble and have a tumble
when sorting out all the accumulated jumble.
The work is so arduous and it make us grumble
about not getting our promised reward of raspberry crumble.