h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A Pukka hey?!?! Gonna' go at it like THAT are we......*runs screaming at Bassman...ducks to the left of him...throws herself into the mud, sliding so her legs catch Bassman behind the knees, knowing him to the ground...*

learned that one in a dark parking lot one night

...*takes a handful of hair from each side of Basser's head and
drawns it up tightly, like pulling the reigns of a horse...his head slides between her thighs and she begins to squeeze...like a boa constrictor...trying once again to use her own weight to flip him onto his belly - face down in the mud...*...*whispers...* that best not get infected Mr...you'll be buyn' and apply'n the ointment...*makes her knees touch as Bassman's bloodshot eyes roll back into his head...*

Bassman reaches forward with both hands and graps Pandora by the foot. He starts twisting it outwards, Pandoras efforts at squeezing inflicting more pain to her knee and ankle. Eventually the pain becomes too great and Pandora is forced to slacken her grip.

Bassman, still in control of Pandora's foot, kneels up and continues to twiat the ankle, forcing Pandora onto her front. The mud now cakes her cheeks and fills the sinews of her hair.

With his victim face down in the mud, Bassman controls Pandora's leg and guides the ankle up behind the other knee, only letting go to grab the other ankle and force it up towards her rear, thus trapping the first ankle in a vice-like lock. Continued pressure attempts to dislocate the knee joint, so isn't in the least bit comfortable. In fact is just this side of excruciating at the moment. Bassman's weight is easily sufficient to pop Pandora's knee, but he shows restraint....

"There's no getting up from this one, unless you've got a friend with a big gun, Mwahahahahahaha"



Bassman

...*with all the air left in her lungs Pandora blows as hard as she can...the mud flies from around her mouth...she screams...* "UNCLE!!!! Say, Basser's that was awfully kind of you not to snap my knee."...*wipes some mud from her face and his...*

...*Bassman stands up...raising his hands in victory over his head...Pandora stands...as much as her knee is killing her...she jumps onto Bassman's back knocking him forward into the mud...she coos in his ear...* Did ya' think I was giving up? I was juss calling out for my Uncle, my gaurdian angel.
...*she's on her knees atop of Bassman...making sure he can't grab her legs again...and give the old ribs a good squeeze with her knees...sliding her arm under his throat and slipping her hand under his somewhat sweaty and hairy arm pit...pinning him in a loverly half Nelson...* WHHHHOO-HOOOOO!!!!

Smug in the knowlege that his arms are still free, grabs at Pandora's arm by the elbow. Using a single digit, presses firmly onto the nerve point at the back, the one that hurts like hell when you catch it on something. Pandora's arm is sent into spasm, her grip weakens just enough for Bassman to draw in a couple of deep breaths, then....



Bassman quickly grabs the now loose arm by the wrist with both hands. Pushing both thumbs in the back of the hand he levers it to a position with the palm at 90 degrees to the forearm. He then twists the hand outward, in one quick violent move, which causes Pandora to fall off his chest, aided slightly by the slippery mud covering Bassman's straining torso.

Having not let go of Pandora's hand (which is a small miracle with all this lubricant around....) Bassman has to wrestle her onto her front. He does this by getting up quickly (not letting go, but slipping in the mud a little) and stepping straight across her body, dragging her face down with the stricken limb.

(Now the fun bit)

With Pandora laying face down in the mud, one arm out to the side, wrist bent at 90 degrees, Bassman steps over the armwith both feet, while turning 360 degrees in the process, which puts a very effective and painful elbow lock on, Bassman pushes the arm, so that it is near 90 degrees to Pandora's back, which is about 45 degrees more than is normally comfortable.

To summarise, Pandora is suffering a wrist lock, an elbow lock and a shoulder lock, all in one move.

Bassman goes for the killer move and starts to twist the wrist further outwards, pushes the arm further towards Pandora's head and pushes down on the wrist at the same time, causing pain such as Pandora has never before endured.



It's time to yeild Pandora, if you know what's good for ya.

Submit.... SUBMIT.... SUBMIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA





Bassman

Smug in the knowlege that his arms are still free, grabs at Pandora's arm by the elbow. Using a single digit, presses firmly onto the nerve point at the back, the one that hurts like hell when you catch it on something. Pandora's arm is sent into spasm, her grip weakens just enough for Bassman to draw in a couple of deep breaths, then....



Bassman quickly grabs the now loose arm by the wrist with both hands. Pushing both thumbs in the back of the hand he levers it to a position with the palm at 90 degrees to the forearm. He then twists the hand outward, in one quick violent move, which causes Pandora to fall off his chest, aided slightly by the slippery mud covering Bassman's straining torso.

Having not let go of Pandora's hand (which is a small miracle with all this lubricant around....) Bassman has to wrestle her onto her front. He does this by getting up quickly (not letting go, but slipping in the mud a little) and stepping straight across her body, dragging her face down with the stricken limb.

(Now the fun bit)

With Pandora laying face down in the mud, one arm out to the side, wrist bent at 90 degrees, Bassman steps over the armwith both feet, while turning 360 degrees in the process, which puts a very effective and painful elbow lock on, Bassman pushes the arm, so that it is near 90 degrees to Pandora's back, which is about 45 degrees more than is normally comfortable.

To summarise, Pandora is suffering a wrist lock, an elbow lock and a shoulder lock, all in one move.

Bassman goes for the killer move and starts to twist the wrist further outwards, pushes the arm further towards Pandora's head and pushes down on the wrist at the same time, causing pain such as Pandora has never before endured.



It's time to yeild Pandora, if you know what's good for ya.

Submit.... SUBMIT.... SUBMIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA





Bassman

OOPS

Sorry about double posting



Bassman

You're about to snap my arm and you care about a double post?

...*wishing she hadn't drank herself silly...but greatful for the pain killers coursing through her blood...she has a few seconds to think...then she hears it...*'POP' Out goes her shoulderblade...* ...*she bites her bottom lip...*

I......*tosses her legs around, to no avail...*I sub...*tries to flip Bassman...to no avail...* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!GRRRRRRRRRRR!
I SUBMIT! I SUBMIT!...*taps her free hand in the mud...*

Say, Bassman, good show! I'm impress-a-lated.Now be a nice chap and pop my shoulder back in for me...I promise...I
have learned my lesson. I juss hope you'll carry me to the showers after you fix my arm and give me a good hosing.

BASSMAN OFFICAL WINNER AND CHAMP OF ROUND ONE!!!
...*a golden trophy awaits him on the table next to iced mineral water for him and a gallon of moraphine for her...*

Oh my....

USE THE FORCE PANDORA!!!!! Bassers can't possibly understand the power of PMS...

Of sure...show up NOW...

I have Green Tean Mud in...Bassman please...

Same time next year then?

Sorry.. I was busy...

...*sits up...glares at Batty...*Me too.

*prepares a tippy cup spiked with Johnson's Baby Valium*

...*sits up...*...

...*after Paul H.'s
...*

I don't think there is anything wrong with your shoulder, I think the noise you heard was a bubble in the mud bursting, you look fine to me.

As for not knowing the power of PMS.... DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT

Picks up Pandora and carries her off to the shower.



Should I strip her naked and wash the mud from every crevice of her body.... or should I protect her modesty and just throw a bucket of cold water over her?





Bassman

...*hands Bassman a loo brush so he can get to ALL the mud...* Warm shower...please...best hurry, I think our hair is drying together. Go show old man! ...*sings
'Cry Tough'...as Basser's carries her off...*

...see...ya' brute...I can't even say GOOD...came out go...guess goo woulf be approp...

Looks round for shower gel....



Bassman

...*whips out a tube of strawberry gel...* What? Never can tell when a nice bath will come along.