h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Rambling, I see you landed butt down in the bucket.

As you helped me out of my bucket I feel honour-bound to help you in your time of need.

*produces tyre lever, lubricant jelly, butt depressant tablets, blow torch and a bookk titled Buckets:A users Guide"

Bend over.

*snaps on rubber gloves*

*waves at Trojan Cat*

Go get'em Red Dog

Thank you, kind sir. (eyes the blow torch nervously)

*hacks his way through another battalion of R+D lackeys with a very large war axe*

Go a taste for the old combat talk earlier. I'm in the mood for carnage.


Have we advanced any further on the Coffee maker?

Clive

(looks up from busket-ectomy) getting closer to it, sir. hay,(sniffs) is something burning?

*peers over Rambling's shouler*

Yes.

eeeeoawwwwwww! R around crazily, careening off of a tree and yelling "put it out! put it out!" stumbling over an ex-lackey, she falls, rolling down a hill, and smashing into the legs of the Trojan Cat II, which wobbles dangerously, then comes crashing down...
Unbroken, the massive war machine lays on it's back, legs straight up and waving in the air. Amid the rubble a small voice is heard from beneath the Giant Metal Dog. "I'm O.K...but I could use a little help here..."

*walks over to the armoury counter picks up a large sucker-gun and fires a sink-plunger across the barren wastes where it sticks to Ramblings bucket.*

*winches her back up hill, butt-first*

I'd run that under the cold tap for a bit if I were you

hah! I Expectorate on pain! winces, but the lure of the lackeys is too great to resist! Yeeehaw! rushes into the battle, kicking aside a to get at the foe. chops a head off here, lops a leg off there,

Fortunately, Trojan Cats always land on their feet.........eventually.

*Presses emergeny leap button on side of Trojan Cat which leaps into the air landing on its feet, crushing a R & D Lackey Horde*

Sorry about the failed Bucketectomy Rambling but I think I have a solution now.

* produces stick of dynamite*

Now, bend over and cough.

Ooooh, I don't think so. It's a nice bucket, it really is. (backs away slowly)

*pulls hard on bucket*

almost there!!

BTW did you say that your children sit with you when you are on the Internet?

Hi Kids!!

This is Dr Busterbone. We'll soon have that nasty bucket of your mothers bottom.

Now, Rambling don't be such a scaredy cat

Hmmm...what is that odd, empty-headed feeling I suddenly have......
shrugs, goes back to the killing.

The Internet can do that to you.

Success.

The bucket is off!!.

Here, have a jelly bean.

I have to skulk away like a thief in the night.

pauses in the midst of the slaughter to wave a cheery goodbye. returns to said slaughter. wait, up ahead, that shining object in the sky, could it be? Is it...the coffeepot???
alert:obvious reference to the trial of sir gwain and the grail-shaped beacon. be on the lookout for enemies in tower. thank you.

*gasp*

~ High in the battle bridge of the Trojan Cat the dog crew are seen in various contorted positions - draped over the various weapons stations. One of them is hanging onto the ceiling light fixing. The remains of TV dinners are seen on the ceiling, walls and mostly on the crew ~

We really must remind Busterbone that the emergency leap facility shoud only be pressed when we`re secured in the powered bucket seats.

~ Presses a large red button marked SIT and Trojan Cat plants bottom on R+D suicide squad ~

What a way to go - eeurrgh !

~ Gives thumbs-up to Busterbone from Bridge ~

*begin Maxwell Smart mode*

Sorry about that Chief!

*end Maxwell Smart mode*

Don't call me Chief!

yes, your warlordnessness.
::: at Trojan Cat II ::: I think I have one of those lying around here somewhere.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: War is heck.