h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well blow me down ! Ham you won't believe what I'm about to say ,but it's the truth. Our Zac (my son ) his favourite singer in the whole world is Bing Crosby...unbelievable ,I know ,cos he does listen to some rubbish in my opinion ,but Crosby ,he really loves ..me Da was a firm fan too ,had lots of Bing and Satchmo recordings ,I've never heard the song you sent to me before...May I ....(for the record ,you may ,of course, goes without saying ) Unlike you ,I loved the lyrics hahahaha and paid detailed attention to them ,so you may Thank you for sharing.

Well where to begin ? What a week I'm having ...on the bright side,decorated the dining room (well sploshed paint on the walls) Painted the long awaited ,big lounge ceiling .I am almost positive I heard it whisper ..'Thank you ,thank you !' The relief,I've been threatening to that for ..well ,a long time So now ,they can bring Christmas forward if they want ,I'm ready.

Yesterday ,I spent most of the day (10 am until almost 4 pm ) in the hospital with my step dad,he's not well at all ,they carried out tests and examinations ,sent him home after all of that ,with anti biotics ...a bladder infection ...Me Mam was panicking ,she's got a bad knee ,can you believe ? I stayed as long as I could with them both , had to get home ,there's still so much stuff to sort out here ,it sounds all lovely painting the dining room ,if anyone could see the accumulation of 'stuff' ,I don't know how it appears. The charity shops are going to be heaving tomorrow though !

The weather has been ,wet ,wild and windy ,and I mean windy. Snow they're saying for the end of the week..lovely ! What a mess in Paris eh ? Just sad, and worrying Ham ,what's the world coming too ? Then the sad news of the All Blacks rugby player Jonah Lomu dying,tragic.My husband loved watching him play,so that brought a tear to my eye. Only young too ,so sad.

It's 4:30 am ,I was fast asleep ,woke up with a start ,wanted a cup of tea ,so I'll send this and jump back into bed and try and fall asleep Ham. I'm so pleased the tablet is a success ,you do have to becareful with those touch keyboards though hahahaha Double Dutch springs to mind ,they might think we're typing in code Ham hahahaha They're adding millions to the SAS and MI5 budget ,we'd better watch out pet ...We LIKE Cameron anyway don't we ? (When he's asleep ) Sending this now before I get us both banned hahahaha Love Pinks XXX

You know that's great to hear, Zac liking Bing, my kids love him too. I do a rather nice version of When the blue of the Night, if I say so myself, no one else will! My girls are that bit older of course but they love the crooners, Jill is probably the biggest Billy Holliday fan on the planet, Zac will love her if he likes Bing. Yes I had a lump in my throat when I heard about Jonah, thank the Lord I never had to tackle him, a true colossus. Get Zac to listen to 'Ill Be Seeing You' by Billy on Spotify or something, makes your hair stand on end. Dismal here, I had a losing day yesterday, lost my phone, lost my gloves, the gloves are lovely, Gant if you please, and they'd been handed in at Waitrose, I'd left them by my bike when I chained it up! My phone was missing this morning, we rang it a couple of times and booger me the house phone rang and a nice lady from around the corner said her son had found it on the main road last night, the screen is cracked, I reckon a car has gone over it but it still works! I only use it to keep in touch with my missus really, hate the bliddy things, as my great hero Brian Wilson says, I just wasn't made for these times! URT infections can be really tricky, scary for the patient, but I hope and trust all is under control by now. I'm just dossing around, my missus insisted I rejoined the library to stop me bringing books into the house, I did that yesterday in Oxford, course the libraries are getting a good kicking with cutbacks, but Oxfordshire is luckier than most I suppose, but the Northern libraries were always much better, Tyneside and Sunderland in particular. When we were first married I used to borrow albums from the library, never even been thought of in the South at that time. You had to take your stylus in regular to get it checked by the Librarian, I can see her now looking at me over the tops of her glasses! I suspect many blokes have a thing about lady librarians, not me of course! Love, Ham.

Hello Ham ,what a week ,so sorry for not getting intouch earlier ,just so much going on here. I've been more or less living at me Mams. Anyway ,all seems peaceful for the moment,a nurse is calling often now ,makes me feel better.

I have a few Billie Holiday cd's actually ,I adore her voice. It is nice making sure the next generation appreciates music from all era's ,not just the modern stuff they mostly listen to.

The weather has taken a turn for the worst ,colder ,much colder ,no winds and less rain but it is bitterly cold Ham. Ice on the cars in the mornings, signs of more to come of course.

Nothing exciting happening ,Christmas shopping is high on my agenda for the the next few weeks,I'm wanting to get it all done before December ,that's the theory anyway.

Hope all is well with you my darling friend ? I'll write later. Love Pinks XXX

Morning sweetheart, I've been having some c9onnection problems, oo er! but I'm sorted now, windows 10 be boogered, in fact I'm writing this on XP if it gets there! I*'ll write this evening, Love Ham.

Pinky I just lost the New Testament, that hasn't happened for ages, to précis, I had computer bother over the last couple of days but now I've got three up and running and an XP standby I've had to use which works when it feels like it! I'm getting messed about terrible by the hospital, maddening, I reckon I'm fitter than I've been for years, it's ridiculous. Yep so I got Windows 10, took me all Tuesday afternoon, they say It's simple, well I must be simple! Reet, I'll write tomorrow, we've been up to Witney today on the bus, lovely old Cotswold stone town, no particular reason but a nice day out courtesy of the bus pass, Osbourne would love to take them off us but he daresn't! Love Ham.

I had problems getting here too Ham ...could be me ,no patience of course

Windows 10 eh ? I'm so impressed ,I'm scared to take that plunge,of course we'll all have too eventually.

My week is still as bad as ever ,my Mums not too well ,always something ..I can't wait to see the back of this year Ham ,I really can't.

Sending this rather ,extremely boring message ,and promise to write at a more reasonable hour with some intelligent content (might make a change eh ? hahaha )

Keep smiling Ham ,you look cute when you smile and remember ,don't let the so n so's get you down . Love Pinks X X X

Nah they won't do that hinny, you sound fed up, it's rotten this time of year, everybody's susceptible to all kinds, we had a bloke sitting behind us on the bus yesterday and he was snottier than a Tory, I said to my missus we'll all be down with flu tomorrow! No symptoms so far! It's my wife's birthday next week 69, an auspicious number, you never know!!!! I've just been to Waitrose to buy a real posh bottle of gin, and I already got the traditional Terry's all Gold, B&M, single tier boxes about £2, so I got two, I've been buying her All Gold since I was 18! Actually she's away getting her hair done, she goes around the Cottage hospital where they have a salon, there must be three hairdressers in town but she likes it there. Yes I'm in Windows 10 now actually, much better than the dreaded Windows 8 but still puzzling, what they have got is a brilliant search engine right on the start page, you needn't do apps at all if you don't want to, I get in here on two taps for example, but I can't fathom how to create favourites, like you say that is an Explorer feature, they're trying to get rid of it I'm sure. I'm keeping 7 on my desktop, I'm not that good with that! Reet I'm away to hide the gin and Terry's, look keep smiling I know you're hurting, Love, Ham.

Hello sweetheart, late for me, we've been down the Comrades club, funny enough there was a lad in there we used to have a drink with in your folk's old place, the Labour club, haven't seen him for years, him and his new (ish) missus, we loved his boy, Trevor who was just a kid but apparently is doing very well these days, some kind of executive in the motoring trade. We listened to the big fight, Fury v Klitchco, how romantic is that, listening to the boxing on the wireless! I've always loved it, I remember when Eamon Andrews was the best boxing commentator around! 'come in Barry' Barry, whoever he was, did the inter-round summaries. I'm still wireless daft I've got at least eight, that's not including the telly wireless, which is very good, or the computers, though when I am on the computer I've got the wireless on, my homepage is the BBC and I put the radio on straight away when I log on. We got slaughtered again today, your lot won, first time in my life I'm saying fair play to them! The Heed won, if they can string a few wins together they'll be back in the mix. Had a few beers, heed is swimming, time for bed, Love You Ham.

Hi Pinky, I hope all is well, I'm in hospital till tomorrow, they're just monitoring my sleep! Unbelievable, they called off the doctors strike just in case! What a load of twaddle, Love, Ham.

Hi Pinky, keep oot the wind, Love Ham.

Hope you're OK sweetheart, gigging tonight I'll look in in the morning, Love, Ham.

Ham ,my sincere apologies,it's been madness here ...me Mams not been well,consequently ,the invasion was inevitable ...brother,sister ,nieces ,nephews ,all arriving ,just when they felt like it ,all staying with me (of course) It's been pure hell ...and me Mams ok ! I told them all that before they started arriving left right and centre ..I'm not kidding you ..I've had functions to attend ,college gigs ,christmas carol services .The weather has been unbelievable ,and on top of all that I had to get the tree up ! I can't even begin to explain the stress ,so I won't bother you with that.

Belated birthday wishes to your wife ,hope she had a lovely day. Our Zacs was on the 3rd ,I'm sure they are the same day ?

You've been in hospital ? What did they do to you ? Are you alright ? So many questions ,and no time to even ask them all ...I should be around more now Ham until the next invasion. Hopefully ,after Christmas ,we can only pray

I have thought about you ,time has been so limited and my bedroom has been off limits to me ..gets me mad Ham ..anyway ,it's all calm for now ,even the weather seems a bit better ,not much ,but a bit.

Sending all my love Ham Pinks XXX

Pinky, please don't apologise, first off this site is all over the place, I wrote first thing and lost the message then I couldn't get on to my space till now, I've just been watching the Wallies, a bit windblown, I hope your mum is recovering, you must have been getting a bit of a battering with the weather, I thought that may be why I hadn't heard, we're waiting for our company coming, dinner guest, I'll write tomorrow, Love, Ham.

I can't get on this site at all on my tablet Ham ,that would make life so much easier ..I'll keep trying though. If this becomes impossible Ham ,I will leave a message for you in Buzz,truly ,I've not been in there for ages ,they may have struck me off .

The weather has been atrocious ,nothing compared to the poor people in Cumbria suffering so badly again ,no flooding here. My heart goes out to those poor people.

Hope you had a lovely evening with your dinner guest ,I'll write later Ham ...just lovely knowing you're ok Love Pinks XXX

I thionk it's just the site Pinky, I bought that tablet which works great but I never use it much, there's nowt wrong with me honest except me bliddy knee, I had to sleep over in hospital so they could observe my sleep pattern, I slept about an your and a half! So I've got to go back to see the sleep Dr tomorrow, I've told them I'll sleep better if they fixed me sodding knee! I'm soaked, I've just been cleaning out the birdfeeders and putting new stuff in. We've been in a similar position to yourself Pinky, it's great to have supportive family but it can be a mixed blessing! Margaret's Birthday was the 3rd Dec, we had the traditional family blow out at the Hungry Horse, I'm doing my Christmas shop tomorrow as I've got to be at the hospital in Oxford for 2, which means I'm buying my missus's present, that's about it! I could rattle on for hours but I've no confidence at all this will send, we'll see! Love, Ham.

Well it got there, I'm just back from the hospital with my new sleep machine! What a waste of time. I'm dashing off to help a friend assemble his flat pack computer desk! He borrowed tools off me a couple of weeks ago and when I asked about them he hadn't even got started, I might have guessed, conned again! My missus is just assembling the Christmas tree, I nearly broke my back getting it downstairs. You sound up against it sweetheart, don't worry about getting back I'll be here whenever, All my Love, Ham.

Sleep Doctor ? I'd love to meet him hahaha ,he'd be so confused by my sleep pattern ,he'd need a lie down and good nights rest Ham hahaha What has that got to do with anything ? You need your knee sorting out that's all ! What's the complication ? They've just got to pry ,make things complicated and delay the important if you ask me .

I went into Blackpool town today ,Christmas shopping ,I hate Blackpool. I love Bispham ,and Clevelys but I hate Blackpool Town Centre...anyway ,it's done now ,fortunes spent ,all on useless items ..what can you do Ham ? They keep telling me it's Christmas I'm getting into the spirit of things ,or trying at least.

The hall is decked ,the tree's up and I made a few new garlands ,quite pretty if I do say so myself. For the first time ,I'll be pleased when it's all over to be honest Ham.

The weather has eased ,less rain shall we say ,still the odd shower but nothing like the storms we've been having Ham ,scary ,really.

Not DIY putting things together Ham ,like computer desks ..You might be there till next Christmas I have faith in you ,besides ,you need those tools back

So pleased your wife had a lovely birthday ,I thought she was the same day as our Zac

I'll write as often as I can ,it's such a silly time of year ,so busy ...You take care and thank you for your patience with me Ham ...I know I'm not the best pen pal at the moment (mind you ,I leave a lot to be desired at the best of times hahaha ) Only you could put up with my drivel XXX Sending love as always Pinks XXX

Oh you sweetheart, I didn't get to look in yesterday, it was my youngest daughter's birthday, 46! It's a bad time for birthdays round here. I'll tell you about my knee seeing as you asked, I had to do this sleep study cos the anaesthetist wasn't happy, the sleep quack, consultant respiratory doctor no less was quite happy with my airways chest everything but suggested I do the sleep machine just to put the surgical team's mind at rest as I do have a very slight apnoea which I and my missus have never noticed, I don't even snore much, anyways I go to sleep like the elephant man, not standing up (ooo missus) but with this contraption and mask, you've got to laugh! I got my daughter a nice turquoise pendant, an old one and got one of the stallholders at Oxford market to put a chain on yesterday, about £20 in total and she's over the moon with it. I got my missus some nice clogs in a posh shoe shop in Oxford, they're hidden in the shed, well they're not clogs technically, I used to buy the wooden ones with leather tops but I hunted the town and couldn't find any, She's away shopping with my granddaughter in Reading so I'm going to read and play guitar most of the day, Waverley by Sir Walter Scott, apparently you've got to read a Waverley novel if you're at all interested in English Lit, but booger me it's heavy going! This was always going to be an awfully sad time for you darling, honest my heart's with you, Love, Ham.

a posh shoe shop in Oxford not clogs technically, can't get the wooden ones, I hunted the town but that slip on shape. This was always going to be a dreadfully sad time for you darling, I think about you often. My missus is out shopping in Reading with my granddaughter, I lost half the message which is why it's in two bits! I'm going to have a lazy day reading, Waverley by Sir Walter Scott, heavy going, oh it's just occurred to me I'm learning a great old country song, 'You're the Reason I Can't Sleep at Night', by Jack Scott, the ironic connection with my current situation didn't occur till now! Love you, Ham.

Now I look and it's all there, this site is driving me nuts, Love Ham.