h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

mmmh! I wonder if is how they got the song freeze a jolly good fellow ?

Well my first funeral yesterday was certainly eventful. I could say a lot more but imagine being cast in an episode from "Carry On Vicar" but you're not given a script... and you'll have a clue as to how I felt yesterday

And I have my 2nd funeral on Monday

I suppose it's all good material for my memoir.

"Well my first funeral yesterday was certainly eventful"

I've been close a few timesBUT I don't think I'll ever remember MY 1st funeral

off to church now for my second funeral

Is it unprofessional to cry?

During "Distant Drums" the widower left his seat, went over to the coffin, kissed it and then knelt for the duration of the tune. They'd been married 62 years.

I don’t know how you manage it, but I’m so glad you do.

I guess in some ways it must be more difficult if you’re not personally connected. Make sure you talk to someone after an emotional one.

Thanks Icy. I have a good support team in place, I see my sister every week on the day she used to visit our Mum, which is helpful to both of us. My daughter used to be a grief counsellor (but had to give it up after ten years) so she is always available for in-depth discussions.

I have been dreading today, as I have 4 appointments! I'll be leaving at 9.05am dressed for a funeral to go pick up Andrew for his mental health assessment at the medical centre for 9.30, I am hoping and praying that will be less than an hour as Andrew is due at his doctors for ear-syringing at 10.30 (I will have to drop him off). I can't stay with him and take him home (it's within walking distance for him) as I have to be at the church at 10.45-ish for the funeral at 12 noon, to set up for the funeral. Then I should have time to pop home for teeth-cleaning as I have a dental appointment at 2pm. I am stressing out thinking about it all, but at least I can get my groceries when I leave dentist as I will be parked in Asdas carpark. I didn't allow all this to happen naturally, 2 of the appointments are rescheduled from snow week, and the funeral is the one which I thought was happening last Wednesday (Vicar error).

That is a tight schedule! I hope it all works out. When you said 4 appointments, I was imagining 4 funerals. That would be a really depressing day. Is Andrew's health assessment a standard one or is it related to his difficulties in earlier life?

Blimey, I couldn't cope with two funerals in one day, never mind four!

My son has been seeing a mental health worker since his last assessment. Today is a review which is why I have to be there so I know what is being said, he never remembers anything and I need to know his next appointment. He's been penalised for missing appointments and his benefits (which he is entitled to) reduced (and then, of course, he has to borrow from me to pay his bills). He's 25 on Saturday. I can't see him ever being capable of looking after himself with no assistance from anyone else. I worry about who will help him when I am no longer around

I'm so stressed out by today's events I don't know where to start.

Andrew's first appointment was postponed as his care worker had an emergency to attend. So I picked him up and dropped him at his doctor's appointment then went to the church - Vicar sent me on an errand. I was halfway across the zebra crossing when a car coming towards me (should have stopped) didn't stop and went straight over the crossing. Good job I stopped in the middle of the road, eh? As he passed me he never even looked up, he was looking down at his mobile phone! The woman crossing behind me walked into the back of me as she hadn't expected me to stop in the middle of the crossing, she was most grateful when she realised what had happened.

The funeral - was tough. A 91yo war veteran - Royal Navy. Two veteran flag bearers escorted his coffin into the church. The Union Flag brought a lump to my throat as it reminded me of my Dad's funeral. But it was when the mourners were leaving that I lost it. Two boys, early teens and a pre-teen, in immaculate attire, both sobbed as they left.

Then I scurried off to my dental appointment only to be told that they'd tried to phone me (my phone was turned off) but the dentist couldn't manage all his appointments today so it's been rescheduled (again).

I'm going to treat myself to a couple of Malibus tonight.

Please don't let it be Groundhog Day

Enjoy those Malibus!

So glad you managed to avoid that idiot driver. What is it with these people?

Icy

Today's funeral #4 went well considering I was in charge - my mentor was too ill to attend. Saw an old friend who was very surprised to see me - he had just been telling his companion as they entered the church that he hadn't been in St Peter's church since Violet's funeral - well blow me down, there's Violet's daughter!

I hugged a carer when she came in and burst into tears.

As people were filing out, I spoke to a lady who was waiting while her husband used the toilet. She said I must be new as she'd not seen me before. I said I was my Mum's carer for 5 years but she passed away, so I needed a job until I get my state pension. She blessed me and told me to take care of myself.

Still got no keys. I had to rely on Heather to unlock the Vestry for me and Carl the organist to lock up as the Vicar had gone to the cemetery and told me he hadn't planned on returning to church to lock up... I told Carl he was an angel and he beamed. I went across to the office to speak to Tina (this is already a fraught relationship) and asked if there were any keys for me - she said she hadn't got around to it yet as she'd only been back since Wednesday.

I plan on making people's funeral days as easy as possible, it's needed in this job. One more funeral booked then play it by ear. Two weddings booked in June and two in July.

When I was with Gordon we used to go to the summer music hour on Fridays - I've seen the fliers for the upcoming ones and they're now held from the beginning of June to the end of August, so they must be popular! Might go along to them

Funeral #5 this afternoon. My mentor is still poorly so I'll be in charge again today. Different funeral director than all the previous who have had the same one. Funeral #6 booked for Friday (the 13th...) this time with a different Vicar. I texted my mentor and asked if we keep a spare Vicar in a dusty cupboard somewhere in church. She replied "Lol" so I hope that did her some good. At least Friday's funeral directors are the usual ones, which is adding to my confidence.

The list of booked weddings is now seven, up to September.

I am now the proud bearer of a bunch of church keys, but that's down to Andrew the church warden who was asked by the Vicar last week to get me some keys and I collected them at Holy Communion on Sunday.

Your own church keys!

I'd be tempted to sneak in at 3am and play Bach's Toccata on the organ at full blast.

I'd be tempted to sneak in after you and listen

Forgot to say - I can't play the organ.

I believe I would be able to notice



PS: But thanks for letting me know, I'm not too fond of getting up at that time

a job sideline - doing a free en'crypt'ion for mobile/cell phones