h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, that went well except for the funeral director bringing the service sheets with the cortege. Everyone bar the family were already seated and we'd had to tell them we hadn't got the service sheets yet, and then there was a mad dash up the aisle to get one to Carl the organist and remember to put one on the Vicar's podiumbefore racing back to watch for the signal from the Vicar to alert the organist that Mary was on her way in. RIP Mary



Come home to find no hot water, my boiler has packed up

"Come home to find no hot water, my boiler has packed up"

Your watching too many tv adverts

Watching tv adverts can break one's boiler?

Hope you get it sorted soon without emptying your pocketses, darling

Oh dear, GB - it never rains, does it? Hope you get the boiler fixed at a reasonable rate and don't have to replace it.

Well I've rung two plumbers on personal recommendations but neither have got back to me as yet

My 6th funeral at noon today, with the as-yet unknown Vicar. What could go wrong? Oh, it's Friday the 13th. Where's me rabbit's foot?

I arrived first at the church and as I have keys now, I was able to open up

It was a little freaky being on my own yet no feeling alone.

I met Ken the replacement vicar who was utterly delightful, a jovial fellow, which made a nice change. I was also given the honour of paying him which brought out the biggest smile of the day!

Kathleen was 95 and had outlived her husband and her two best friends. During the eulogy when I heard about Kathleen's early life, she had one son but when they tried to give him a sibling or two unfortunately they were unsuccessful with babies not living very long or being born too early.

That was me gone

After I locked up and went to my car (parked at the side of the church) there was a note on the windscreen informing me how disrespectful I was parking there and there was a car park across the road, so please use it. I have the vicar's permission to park there ta very much

RIP Kathleen. I hope you are enjoying spending time with your husband, friends and lost babies

Maybe you can get something to put in your windscreen to say that you are an employee and thus authorised to park there. But, seeings as how hard it was to get the keys, that may be difficult.

Well, wonders never cease. My parking permit was waiting in the Vestry when I went to church on Sunday morning.

The Vicar did tease me on the way out, though, about an upcoming funeral being a Greek Orthodox one. I asked when is it, he said he won't know until Monday so I'm hanging by my phone.

And still waiting on the plumber to turn up and fix my boiler... I won't be very nice to know, soon

I think the Zorastrian funerals are the easiest. If I recall correctly, they just leave them on the roof and let the vultures eat them. (but I stand to be corrected)

I think I remember that as well

I've had several texts from my mentor - she's no longer going to attend weddings and funerals but is available for any advice I require.

I've had a nice week off - albeit without hot water - I paid my daughter a visit and availed myself of her bathroom facilities. Left her a tip

Plumber attempted to insert the ignition board he'd ordered today but he then declared my boiler beyond repair and was I interested in getting a new one. I agreed - it's 16 years old and was only supposed to last ten years! The lovely man is fitting it for me tomorrow. (Yes, I know it's Sunday - but he said he's busy Monday and maybe Tuesday and didn't know when he could return, but he didn't want to leave me any longer without hot water.)

Good job I have savings, eh

"availed myself of her bathroom facilities. Left her a tip"

What's up ? don't her toilet flush ?

It's an old family joke.

Whenever I have visitors and anyone asks to use my toilet, I say yes, so long as you leave a tip - it used to make my kids laugh when they were little

The boiler saga is still ongoing. They had to down tools yesterday when the plumber decided they needed a condenser pipe, because he couldn't drill under my shower tray, in case it all collapsed

I was so stressed yesterday morning that I went to church for Holy Communion service at 9.30am (they'd been working since 8am) and the vicar read out my Mum's name, which was uplifting for me.

It was in his sermon, which was his recap of last year at church, in which he read out the names of parishioners who had passed away.

During only three or four years I had to buy both a new boiler and a new washing machine plus all my pipes had to be replaced. Drained my savings completely

But on the upside everyhting is now brandnew and should last just as long as yours truly

However, this morning the municipality started digging up my entire street to replace the main water line. I will be without water for short periods these next seven weeks - so I can't use neither boiler nor washing machine nor water pipes

Last time I needed the pipes replaced, I got it done on the NHS.

As did I. Please don't remind me

Oh dear, so sorry for all the woes I'm reminding people of!

The new boiler is installed. Now I need a new switch for the central heating as the old one is defunct (and now disconnected). I am glad it's not winter

Hopefully that will be fitted tomorrow *fingers crossed*

my personal pipes work just fine now

to you

thank goodness for that!

I've had a message from the office saying that the August wedding I was booked for has been cancelled. I wonder what that was all about?