h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wait a minute - a while ago there was a call for entries for aphrodisiacs. We all pitched in merrily. My point at the time was that it is not specific things that turn a girl on or make her interested in you. It is, as is said above, a little spark in you that brings you to life. So, find a girl who is enthusiastic about programming. Get a conversation going with her. That's easier said than done, but what you have to do is not go with the intention of picking someone up, but developing from a cosy conversation to wanting to touch her hand, her wanting to touch you, and folllowing on from there. If all females are like me, with everything happening in the head anyway, it's far more important to feel at ease with someone and feeling him making you happy than any form of external attraction.

Practise flirting. It can't do any harm. Don't take it all so seriously. It's like getting pregnant, when you give up, it happens.

Well, darlin', I don't think ALL girls are like you--some are drawn to appearance, or power, or money, or a number of other things. But enough of us are. Personally, the ONLY way a man can hope to arouse my interest is through my head. Stimulating conversation, a quirky sense of humor and self confidence bordering on arrogance, as well as a strong character are all the aphrodesiac I ever needed. And if he has enough sense to know when and how to grab hold of me without being too rough or too timid, then that's my idea of purrrrrrfect! Brings out the animal in me

Hello. Well, thank you all for helping me out. I really do appreciate it. Y'all gave me much to think about. I doubt that virginity is my "problem" at this point. I believe I have a basic fear of moving ahead in anything I do because I'm not sure what I want and I believe women are able to pick up on that. Yeah, I'd like to meet a beautiful girl and fall in love eventually but it's just a nebulous wanting with little basis in reality.

OTOH, I am pretty comfortable with who I am at the moment. It's going to be a challange to put the effort in to change, but I fear that who I want to be will suffer if I don't change RSN (really soon now).

I'd like to feel passionate about something besides the concept of love. Any ideas on how to enjoy something***? I find that I have a cynical approach to my life. That's not how I feel about life in general (other people's lives ) - in general I think it's magical.

*** besides sleep and masturbation .

oh, number 8 is it? im almost there then!

i lost mine to a fine 23 year old man when i was 16. neither of us really knew what to do. a girlfriend of mine gave me a condom that day and that night i went to his house...well we just had to use the condom so i could tell my friend...

it didnt hurt as badly as i thought it would, of course the first time was a sexual disaster but a learning experience. we stayed together for 1 1/2 years. after that i got married to another, then divorced, and then had numbers 3,4,5 (just significant ones, right?) but i still talk to "number 1". we are very good firends

42

hehehe Hi 42! Surprised to end up here? I think you found a wormhole--same thing happened to me, once.

Non Juan, darlin', I'm not sure how to help you find a passion. I'm good at charging people up IRL and getting them enthused about things, it's my nature. But some people just aren't cut out for it. Designed to maintain the status quo, I guess. I don't really understand it. But I know it is about being really interested in something, and wanting to achieve something so badly that you won't stop until you're there. And it doesn't really matter what it is, either. I have all sorts of missions and pursue them relentlessly, and usually drag my friends and innocent bystanders along through sheer force of will. And we have loads of fun along the way. But that's because I really do believe I have the power to change things. So, once I decide what I want to do, I just GO GO GO until suddenly I am there. And then I look around and find a new direction, and bounce of thataways. Can be a little exhausting for most folks, though. But it's what keeps me alive.

I'm sorry, but I think losing passion is even more final than losing your virginity. Once you've lost it, you 've irrevocably lost it.

This may sound pessimistic, but once you are cynical about things, there is no going back. This will always be with you, even if it's in the back of the head.

You are welcome to try with something new, perhaps a new road can revive passion (I mean something like astronomy or a different religion or something you haven't thought of before. Preferably nothing that will tamper with your impotence, though)

In the shower this morning it occurred to me, too, that I have never heard anyone say "I wish I had saved myself for someone I really loved". This idea of saving yourself for the real thing is only nurtured by still-virgins. Once you lose your virginity you think "Is that it - was that the big deal? I could have got that over with when I was 15 and then got on with the real thing - without the hangups"

I can remember having strong feelings for someone - you know, like being kicked in the stomach and knocked on the back of the knees at the same time, your head stops working and your heart goes entirely out of control and you feel sick - but that was as good as actually sleeping with them. You don't have to have both at once with the same person - although it must be fantastic if you can.

Please NJ - don't go jumping into the Thames because I said all that. Find a way out. And when you've found it - tell me!

Oh I agree, once passion is gone...it is impossible to revive.
The unattainable is always more desirable than the attained...

I wonder if the issue of gone passion fits to ladies over 30 and so..
Could anybody argue it?

I for one certainly can have passion for ladies over 30 and so. And I am not going to argue about that!

If a woman is over 30, has 2-3 kids, tired husband and bills to pay, she does not feel herself very passionate any more. The gold is worn out. It is a routine that kills passion

Being mostly unfamiliar with the subject at hand, I might not have much going for me. But: If a woman is over 30, has two or three kids, a tired husband and bills to pay. Maybe it's time for both her and her husband to let go of reality for a while. Put the kids away and disapear somewhere. Nowhere expencive, 'cause of the bills, but it doesn't have to be fancy. Anywhere goes. Rock up your world. The bills will be overdue, but bills always are. Call the creditors and ask for a prolonging. At least in Norway the often do, as long as you're up front with it. You don't need gold. It tastes too metallic anyway.

JAR, still 20 years, virgin and quite happily looking forward

"We put a blindfold on our eyes
and iron and gold appears the same
It's intense hope is what makes us try
So we go on and play the game"
Shelter

When the passion is gone you just don't think about working it out. You sit and wait for a lightning. It is resignation I guess. I think it passes some day. But not in the autumn.

Were I wise I would flee this conversation before my youthfull optimism is crushed beneath the weight of your experience! All my wisdom is however stached in my personal chef, Ping.

You can't sit and wait for a lightning. Not unless there is a storm and you're on top of a hill. Lightning just doesn't strike down valleys. And more depressing: Lightning DOES strike the same place twice. Actually the more times lightning has struck a spot, the more likely it is it'll strike there again.

Anyways. If you only sit, there really isn't much to complain about, 'cause then it's really your doing (or nondoing) that the passion has fizzled.
My mom is soon 50 and divorced. These past three or four years, she has had more lovers than I could keep control of. (We even live in the same house.) And my mom is not some sex-godess (at least not to my knowledge...*gulp*).

It is possible. Everything is. Just don't give up on the idea. Please?

I'm well over 30--no kids, no routines, and the passion is still going strong. And, in my youth--hummmmm...how to put it delicately... had a very expeimental approach to sex. Yeah! That's it! Was an avid researcher. But at this point, given the complications of extensive research, will only be sexually involved with someone who is totally stimulating to me. Unfortunately, there are few men who arouse my interest that much. So I practice long periods of celibacy until I run across someone who knocks my socks off. But let me tell you, it is sooooo worth the wait, cause when I find someone compatible to play with it is a body and mind bending experience. Makes sex for the sake of sex seem slightly less appealing than washing the dishes. But I would hardly say I'm normal. Just prefer to make it really wonderful, and figure that someday I will come across someone enough like me to make a partnership that lasts. And when it happens, I highly doubt that the passion is going to fade. Cause in my case, the more I care for someone, the more interested I become. And it doesn't fade. Just need to find someone who wants to delve deeply into intensity, instead of losing interest when the challenge of conquest is gone. And that can be difficult, given the personalities I am drawn to.

You are so nice. I won't give up. I think this resignation is just a pause before moving on. I hate routine although it is so safe. The world is going to change and if it don't, I shall change it.
As I understood, JAR, you are from Norway. I count this mission of mine finished when I persuade my husband to take me to Norway. I was there in 1992 and still in love with it.

With respect to JAR's mum (J please don't read this bit) but that many lovers reeks to my mind more of desperation than passion. If not, then Cheers to JAR's mum.

If I ever experience passion I'll let you know. Then again, I probably won't want to.

I was in at the beginning of this forum and it keeps coming back up on my page...I'm not very happy about that because in a moment of misguided confession I revealed a secret that a friend of mine saw and then posted a comment about...oops!

But I had to responed to something you wrote earlier, Trillian. Some of those of us who waited as long as we did weren't deluded into thinking the first time would be magical because we were with the one we loved. I waited because I have a real problem with being vulnerable, and let's face it, really good sex is about opening your heart and soul to another. I just could not give up a part of myself to another without being sure this was a person I could trust.

Not that it mattered. He ended up totally destroying any illusions I had about trusting another person and completely breaking my heart. So now I think it wasn't worth the wait.

And now you know, 42, why that whole mess with Skippy was so devastating to me. He was my first.

Wow, a couple of hours away and the earth has moved in this thread, hasn't it? And I don't mean that flippantly. I am moved that you wonderful people feel deeply enough and respect me enough to shre your most private thoughts with me.
I can identify with all of you.
Here I am, 45, divorced, 4 kids. {2 still living with me}.
Always looking for the "next potential lover" and hoping he'll be "the one".
Why?
Because I am scared to death at the thought of growing old alone.
Routine does dull passion. I was married for 11 years. I don't remember having thrilling sex with my husband.
Today would have been my 26th wedding anniversary; and I still grieve for the marriage that could have survived, if we'd both made the effort.
I have friends in h2g2. I know they can read every post of mine if they so wish. But I am not afraid of that. It brings the subjects out into the open, and that is always a good place to start.
Wounds cut us to the quick, but only talking about the pain can bring about the healing process.
How can we expect others to understand us and our problems, unless we open up?
The beauty of h2g2 for me, has been *meeting* all the wonderful people who genuinely want to be liked, and make an effort.
To have a friend you must first of all be one.
My friends make me feel loved.
Passion is a very fleeting thing.
To be loved for a lifetime is a greater honour, I think.
*gulping hard*
~about to post message~
*pauses to hug you all*

Best, nicest, greatest post I have read in a long time, AGB!
*Hugs back*

Thanks, Pierce, how uncanny, I just posted on your homepage, then came here...