h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*E notices that she hadn't seen a crew member in ages....*



E to the Esirpretne...

...Hello...???

...Anybody there...???



What's happened to everyone...???

*E sees the Captain out of the corner of her eye...*

Captain...I think we've got a slight problem...

*E spies a rather unconvincing Mickey impersonator...who just happened to be carrying a couple of guns... E sneaks up behind him & knocks him out, then passes one of the weapons to the Captain...*

I guess we'd better find the rest of the crew then...

SG: materialises on board the horrible somethings ship. A scout ship if he wasn't mistaken.

Horrible something Captain: report
SG: the plans are proceeding exactly to schedule the majority of the rew is in our custody and the rest will be shortly.
Horrible Something: good then you will no longer be needed. (nods to security guard who raises a class three matter cannon and points it at SG)
(SG turns and runs back into the transporter room and beams himself directly to the bridge of the esirpretne in the hope of giving them info in exchange for his life)

*After searching & being unable to find any of the crew that were on the planets surface...the Captain & E decide to beam back aboard the Esirpretne to try & use the scanners to locate them...*



*E is a little shocked to see a stranger standing on the bridge of the Esirpretne... Seven of Up seems to recognise him...*

Who are you, what are you doing here, and what have you done with the crew...?

Wait I can explain
Years ago I was captured by the Horrible somethings and subjected to mind control experiments. It was under their influence that i created the bjorg I'm just a Scientist/ engineer.
Your drone may recognise me.
When I transported to their ship they tried to kill me which broke the bond between us so I Transported to the nearest ship hoping it was safe.
I can tell you how to get your crew back If you'll give me the chance

*E looks at Seven...it was true that he seemed to recognise the stranger...*

OK, tell us how to get them back...

By now most of your crew will be aboard the Horrible somethings ship which is virtually impenetrable. I'll need access to your transporters and Sevens help to get them to work through the shields of the ship. I'll also need a tacheon resonator a singularity grenade and a piece of double sided sticky tape (industrial strength)

Now think, think.... Little Kid, Big rat... Hmmmmm....
*looks at LK1*

LK1: Why is Mickey trying to hurt us Mr. Big Nose?

Grrrrrrr....

*Checkout scans the area, sensing things are too quiet*
*Sends one of the red-shirted extras, Ensign Iwana Dye, forward*
Iwana Dye enters a dark room and begins to look around, checking all areas apart from the one which is most likely to contain bad guys
*Checkout, GL and Affy hear a blood curdling scream from Ensign Dye*

*E is relucantant to give the stranger what he wanted...apart from the sticky tape...it seemed a little risky...*

*E goes over to one of the control panels & scans for the crews life signs*

You'll be lucky to even find the Horrible somethings ship with those poor quality scanners hang on let me just tweak them a bit.

pulls out a small screwdriver and within a few moments the power and range of the sensors has increased tenfold.

When I left there were still a few crew members loose on the planet surface if you cann get together another 3 people we can make a rescue attempt for all the red suit types that selflessly give themselves up so that the main crew can survive. If im right you'll need them soon because the rest of the fleet is on its way. That ship you can now see out there is the smallest ship they own its the equivalent of a class 2 shuttle craft.
Dammit I can save them.

You'll be lucky to even find the Horrible somethings ship with those poor quality scanners hang on let me just tweak them a bit.

pulls out a small screwdriver and within a few moments the power and range of the sensors has increased tenfold.

When I left there were still a few crew members loose on the planet surface if you cann get together another 3 people we can make a rescue attempt for all the red suit types that selflessly give themselves up so that the main crew can survive. If im right you'll need them soon because the rest of the fleet is on its way. That ship you can now see out there is the smallest ship they own its the equivalent of a class 2 shuttle craft.
Dammit I can save them.

You'll be lucky to even find the Horrible somethings ship with those poor quality scanners hang on let me just tweak them a bit.

pulls out a small screwdriver and within a few moments the power and range of the sensors has increased tenfold.

When I left there were still a few crew members loose on the planet surface if you cann get together another 3 people we can make a rescue attempt for all the red suit types that selflessly give themselves up so that the main crew can survive. If im right you'll need them soon because the rest of the fleet is on its way. That ship you can now see out there is the smallest ship they own its the equivalent of a class 2 shuttle craft.
Dammit I can save them.

Hmmm there seems to be an echo on this planet...

*E looks at the stranger, then agrees to let him get the rest of the crew*

Hmm. A time dilation obvisiously caused by the proximity of that blackhole over there. Thanks E

heads off towards the transporter with seven.

*E goes to one of the computers & successfully finds DD's lifesigns then beams him aboard...*

DD, see if you can help him...and keep an eye on him...take Ensign Notagain with you just in case...

I'de be happy to help Mr Strangely Green...

*still concerned over the strange goings on and about the fact that his supposedly defunct Bjorg communications systems are still, faintly, picking up picking of collective data and, much to his distraut, Classic FM*

On his way down to the transporters SG passes the strores department replicator and picks up the neccessary components. Unfortunately due to a complete lack of tacheon resonators SG is forced to improvise and signs out several other parts.
arriving at the transporters with seven still in tow SG settles down to work just a DD arrives from the planet.

*Meanwhile, GL, Checkout, and Affy have been in the control center. After dispatching of the rodentars in this area, Affy and GL spent about ten minutes working out a few complexities, and then . . .*

Okay, Garius, I think I'm done here. Just attach that scarlet wire to that vermillion blue one.

*Garius stares at the mind boggling assortment of blue and red wires. Takes a wild guess and is very lucky. Affy pushes a button. Seventeen large explosion occur in many of the (now deserted) prominant areas of the park that would have given the horrible somethings too much power. Speaking of power, the button pressing caused it to go off on most of the planet*

Affy-Now, with our enemies 'in the dark', so to speak, I think this'll actually be easier than we had previously hoped.

*Pushes donut*

Afgncaap5, to Esirpretne. Esirpretne, come in, please.

*busies himself helping Strangely Green whilst trying desperatly to pick up a different radio frequency*


hhmm

*uses optical scanners to access the equiptment*

A lot of this is quite unstable thanks to the continuous fighting on this ship - we should proceed with caution