h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Whilst in Ten Forward, Checkout thinks of another brilliant way of combating the bjorg*
Ok, if the Beatles are a vital part of Bjorg anatomy, vhat if we created a mini Yoko Ono, and transmitted it to the bjorg wessel. That would bring the beatles into dissaray and mean their order will collapse...
*Swigs at more Ol' Janx Spirit*
*Offers it around*

That's not a bad idea...

*Enters large psychidelic chamber where the Beatles are trapped beneath some debris and begins lifting junk off of the quartet*

*The Beatles sing*
It's getting better all the time...

~Irving

*Quorn serves drinks to all in Ten-Forward, while showing off and polishing his brand new donut.*

Quorn to all hands. Vital Message: I HAVE A DONUT!!!! Oh, and stay happy!

Hey Irv, did you get that Frappaccino I asked for...

*Stares at Beatles, currently enjoying some Jynnan Tonix and commenting on how similar it is to an Earthling beverage*

I don't like the look of those guys. And they're bursting into song all the time. And boy, do those Earthlings sing weird songs. I was passing them and they were singing something about 'Hell and a Rigged Bee'. Weird or what.

What the hey, they're just oversized components of the Bjorg lymphatic system, Let them Be....

John: Hey, I wrote a song called...

Shut up and drink your drink, sir.

John: But...

Sir, shut up and drink your drink.

Paul: You wrote a song called what? Strawberry Fields? You know bloody well I wrote "Let it Be"!

John: How do you sleep at night?

Hey Quorn, could I have a Ouisgian Zodah please?
*Makes a spirited lunge at one of the three bottles of Ol' Janx Spirit only to find it's empty. Also notices a three rather drunk Bjorg sitting by him*
Vhen is out ETA for that planet ve are heading for?
*Slumps forward in chair*

Who had the frappucino?

~Irving

People, we're coming into orbit around Ebola V. It's the Walt Disney planet, and if you like, we can spend a bit of time there before moving on to Ebola VI

Oh, and I'm blimmin well going, this time.

*Yeoman Rand is standing outside the yellow submarine, on the bridge, looking concerned about Irv and awaiting the captain so she can do what she does best....


take dictation.*

*Puts on his mickey mouse ears*

Ok, I'm ready.

*E looks forward to going to the Disney Planet...then decides to order another drink in Ten-Forward...*

*DD grabs water proof camera*

OK take me to the water parks.

I thin that there was a continuity jump back there where somehow the Beatles and I got from the submarine to Ten Forward without mentioning it. Anyway...

*holds microphone to E's face*
E? You've just escaped from a Bjorg cube as well as a Bjorg body inhabited by viruses, what are you gonna do now?!?

~Irving

Now...?

Erm...

Oh, yes, now I'm going to the Disney Planet...to...erm...erm...go on everything...

Good answer!

~Irving

*E looks very satisfied whilst planning what she wanted to go on first...*

MAke sure we get there early to avoid queues on the big rides.

Ah...yes...very good point... I'll have to make sure I remind the Captain about that...

And could he beam us down to the front of the queue as well.

We could always beam the queue into a holodeck simulation of the park, then we could have the freedom of the planet!!

*Looks in mirror*

You know, Quorny boy, sometimes I think you surpass yourself...

*Looks towards stuporful Checkout, mixes Ouisgian Zodah*

Would that be vith of vithout leymon *snigger*...

*hands Checkout the Zodah. Puts sign on bar... The Cocktail Doctor is OUT*

*Puts on screamingly loud hawaiian T-shirt and shorts, holding hyperdermic needle mischiveously*

*snigger*