h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal.

A spelunker held out on revealing the treasure's location until he finally caved in.

Sea gulls that fly over the bay are baygulls.

Fishers don't have much of a social safety net besides a river bank.

Old pirates retire and grow corn for a buck an ear.

A pirate wrote his wooden leg into his will as a leg-acy.

The concession stand at the circus had very good coffee. It was the greatest joe on earth.

A chicken farmer's favourite car is a coupé.

For those who enjoy a large port after dinner, try Rotterdam.

If a restaurant isn't sweet to its chefs they might dessert.

A fish became a waiter, and he liked people to tip the scales.

The worker at Cape Canaveral wanted to make a sandwich, so he went to the deli to buy some launchin' meat.

Afterwards he played badminton with a shuttlecock.

he played several games with his friend, Count Downs.

Then they turned on the radio and listened to some rocket roll.

They were joined by a friend that they Houston know.

: - I've got gout in me wooden leg, but the medicine don't w*rk no more. How can it be?

: I think it's down to many years of pill aging

I had a wooden plane, it wooden fly

I tried to learn Badminton at boarding school but I got board with it as I was very bad at it. I tried to rally myself around when playing rallies with my school friends but got distracted and ended up talking a lot of poppycock about poppy seed cakes and how eating them would help you hit the shuttlecock with your racquet better.

The duke and the count had a fight. The duke was down for the count.