h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Re post 16779:

The boy was obviously a good thinker and had an impressive way with words - but calling him Thoreau is stretching it

if women get dementia, does it become dewomentia?

One day Thoreau built a time machine and went back in time to bring Julius Caesar over for a trip to Walden Pond. After Caesar went back to his era, he remembered the day in his memoirs and said, "I came, I saw Concord."

Saint George was afraid to go into his garden because it was full of snapdragons.

Sir Loin had a beef with his neighbours

Don Quixote wandered so far afield that he found himself in China. That was how he got his assistant, Sancho Panda.

My is a funny little fella. I call him Punda

I wonder how he can bear being called that.

he's used to it, he's had it for sages

and they put wheels on him, he became a panda car

I hear s have extra ball bearings

remove a Panda's fur and it's bear

I just found an amusing old book that had some relevance here, titled, "English Jests and Anecdotes".

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/49370

A companion piece to "Scottish Jests and Anecdotes" and "Irish Jests and Anecdotes", no links immediately available.

Sample Item:

PUN UPON PUN

Strange, Moore and Wright, three nortorious punsters, were on a certain occasion dining together, when Moore observed, "There is but one knave amongst us and that's Strange." "Oh no," said Wright, "there is one Moore." "Ay," said Strange, "that's Wright."

The trouble with melting pots is that the scum rises to the top.

There was a lot sniping amongst the birds at Rainham RSPB nature reserve where the oyster catchers where wading into the argument on the best way to catch oysters which ruffled the feathers of the ruff and the snipe wading birds who were feeling on the ruff side due to the amount of rain which flooded the area. There were a group of bagpipers playing a merry tune which the sandpipers danced to.

Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint?

When it was lumpy he had a beef with his gravy.

To the bull in the pasture, may he live for heifer and heifer.

The Hungarian inventor bought a baby bear. It became known as Rubik's cub.

The family of bears posing for their family portrait experienced a true Kodiak moment.

The Cheshire Cat was taking photographs.

"Say cheese," he said.