h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Gorgon Zola isn't a footballer

Thérèse Raquin was so horrible that she sometimes known as Gorgon Zola.

After Miss Muffet fled the spider, the press asked her what had a curd.

I visited my relatives in Wensleydale who were big fans of Mrs Dale's diary radio show in the 50's and 50's and showed off their Mrs Dale's dairy's memorabilia, we had a selection of cheeses which included Blue Wensleydale and Yorkshire Feta cheeses which put us in a fine fettle which was washed down with locally wine made from various types of berries made by Thomas Morgan who has a cheese named after him.

The cheese maker was cheesed off at so many cheesy jokes about Wallop goat cheese which got her goat and the Lincolnshire Poacher which she had melted over toasted bread, topped with poached eggs.

Whey are you making so many cheese jokes?

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

A baker always put too much flour in his bread because he was a gluten for punishment.

I had to weigh the pros and cons of moving to Weigh-bridge (Weybridge).

Even though the chef's girlfriend was grate in many ways. She had a temper that boiled easily, was half-baked and extremely kneady.

Fifth columnists of the fourth estate rated third grade, play a second fiddle to conspirators with their first-hand information!

The string quartet drank and played furiously through the night and then passed out. But that was a foregone conclusion.

I had plans to begin reading a book about sinkholes but they fell through.

By day she tended her garden in a glamorous, coordinated outfit by Dior. At night she read "Wore and Peas."

she wore a courgette under her skirt, to keep her belly flat

the cross-eyed teacher who lost his job because he couldn't control his pupils?

Eye can't believe that that happened, but if it did, it must have been quite a sight.

If ravioli were long and stringy, rather than being shaped like pillows, would it be unravioli?

I didn't get a good look ? it went pasta my eyes that fast