h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I was growing up, we were in such a poor neighborhood that the local French restaurant served orange sauce on duct tape.

"we" grew up thick "we" were e'duct'tated on the cheap

I went to ceiling, my chinese cousin, who lives upstairs

my 's clever, it won a Purrlitzer Prize

That's nothing. My won a Pulletzer Prize. It happened unexpected, which made it a pullet surprise.

The bowler preferred to enter and exit his apartment via the fire escape because it was right down his alley.

In the air duct installers union they have lots of opportunity to vent.

French gendarmes don't use yellow crime scene tape but prefer cordon bleu.

The rumour that only strained orange juice is healthy was a good example of pulp fiction.

The cheap eye surgeon was always cutting corneas.

Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori.

Surprises is the knight in charge of awards.

The ancient guru saw a future so bright he had to wear upani-shades

I wear a car under my trousers - it's called hondapants

I lost all my money in the casino in Lost Wages.
This was not funny - but luckily it was only funny money.
So in the end it was only forfeit of counterfeit.

cows and horses have forfeit

Yogi had a whisky, water, and tea drink every night. He was a toddy bear.

To insure his own survival, Bugs was aiming to see Elmer between two cross hares.

I went to see my guru but he wasn't omm.

What do you call a duck that meets its future self? A Pairadux.