h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

People have a happy time vacationing in Ireland because they are walking on Eire.

Lots of Irish have been vacating Eire for years.

I re-ember walking on fire in Eire and it was hot, mushed have bean inn summer thyme

Eezzy Peasy. Hhhot Fffooting iph yo ashck mi.

hit could have bean a feet of stammering(stamina)ass st-hound-ing

The Chinese invented hiking.
The chef was dissatisfied with the sous-chef, so he told him to take a wok.

wood that bee a 24 hour service - wok around the clock ?

Nice comet.

Whenever I drink too much, I become cometose.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said that "there was no change yet".

Reese Witherspoon and Joachim Phoenix are said to be considering a remake of "Bringing up Baby", changing the title to "Walk the Lion."

Its wind you bring up, not babies.

The army is recruiting babies now. They are needed for the infantry.

And before they go into battle they prepare by doing a dummy run.
South Americans have always had babies in the army because babies can cope better with Pampers grass.

they are very lazy though! always kid napping

you have to scout to get them up, or they'll just lying

One problem in dealing with them is that they're always hitting the bottle. That seems to rattle their supervisors.

I can't keep abreast of all this small talk. Think I'll go-ssip my tea then I'll go get some milk.

that's my mate G.A - we're breast of friends and bosom buddies


ain' tit a shame, we live so far apart

In-tit-lectually I feel we are very close. Now I've got that off my chest, how are you with hornathology?