h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I eat spring onions before going on walks.

I like a little spring in my step.

The Robin redbreast always keeps a breast of the tweets on Twitter.

I spring into action when I am doing my annual spring cleaning which puts a spring into my step.

I stay on the sunny side of the road when I am talking to my neighbour Sunny (Sonny) who has a sunny disposition.

Running a Spaghetti marathon! I've just pasta mile

That fried liver with tomatoes, onions, garlic and fettucine made me pasta kidney stone

Hens keep fit by eggs-ercising and they keep their pecker up when they are keeping other hens in their pecking order.

Captain Marvel and Captain Marvel always want a double shot of eggs-presso in their cappuccino coffees.

I have French Fries with my fried toast, fried eggs and bacon whenever there's a sunny day. I always have my eggs, sunny-side up.

The old fisher to his young grandson: - I am confused. Your teacher claims you've been trolling. And that you used a net for that. Don't you know you need fishing lines for trolling?

[You may want to google 'trolling' and 'fishing' to understand this ]

What do you call a cave man who takes forever to get anywhere?

A meanderthal

What kind of mutant attracts metal?

Magneto with his magnetic personality.

Netty put up her nets (lace curtains) on her living room windows.

She washed them, because they were quite fishy.

A cow with super powers would be a mootant.

The kitchen chefs knew their onions when they adding them to their omelettes and salads. They cracked on at a high speed when preparing and cooking omelettes and scrambled eggs. The chefs were egged on by the Benedict the Benedictine monk to speed up the time in preparing souffles and the eggs Benedict for the monks order.

What do you call a failed dairy farm?

An udder disaster

Dairy air smells of cows derrières.

Got cattle with dysentery ? call the "turtles" cowabunga

When it’s raining, a turtles goes to a shell-ter where they go and take shell-fies.