h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I can't beet that last one.

From the arable farmer's songbook:

It’s Plough or Never = Elvis Presley
Don’t Crop Me Now - Queen
You Don’t Have To Spray You Love Me - Dusty Springfield

From the Baker's songbook:

Anything you knead, you got it -- Roy Orbison
Bagel girls don't cry -- The Four Seasonings
Poppyseed don't preach -- Madonna

In the 60s I wanted to be part of the counterculture, but my family was too poor. I had to settle for the bargain-counterculture.

wish my spring onions would stay on the late

oops!

PLATE....

The chef's son became a baseball player. During the first game, he complained that no one had cleaned off home plate.

[Thank you Paul ]

The situation in the kitchen is so terrible that it's going from batter to waffle.

Isn't it strange that Sitting Bull fought at Custer's Last Stand?

[Brilliant puns Icy North and Paul ]

In the 1970's consumers in Greengate, East London would collect green shield stamps which they would use to claim merchandise or at selected 'Green Shield' shops, which would make their friends and neighbours green with envy.

M. T. Cupboards became so poor that he had to apply for food stamps.

At the Vernal Equinox, I get a spring in my step as I put my best foot forward and will be turning over a new leaf as I spring into action when I spring clean my home and garden. The spring like weather will make me feel like a spring chicken and full of the joys of spring.

The busy fish chef had a lox on her plate as she felt like a fish out of water. It was giving a haddock as she did not have time to stop to have a rest or a short kip-per.

{paulh and I have been accidentally posting puns on the Osteopathy thread }

When the tree fell, most of us assumed it was an axe-ident

Q: How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

A: As mushroom as possible

my living room is flooded while watching tv, there was a storm in my tea-cup

"Who's the hairy guy with the German accent?"

"That's Wolfram. The hair should be gone by the end of class."

"How's that possible?"

"He's just had a session with his hypnotist."

"Hypnotist?"

"To curb his lycanthropic tendencies. He's a trance-fur student."

When I studied at Harvard I lost all my chash. I was an ex-change student

a man sucked all the cigarette smoke out of the pub, another guy said I bet he's an ex tractor fan