h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A large paper mache dragon wrapped in wrapping paper trundles through the door*
[Noise of paper mache Dragon wrapped in wrapping paper] Trundle trundle trundle thrundle...
*It stops outside the nearest stock of booze, and a piece of paper falls off.*
[Note] To the mercenaries. Your fireworks were far too scary for us, so we give up. Please accept this gift as a token of our surrender.

*opens up his hand scanner and scans the parcel*

OK, this looks legit. (to guards) Let them through!

I couldn't care whether it's got a bomb or a packet of sweets in it

*The package rips apart and turns out to be a /real/ dragon! It promptly stomps off and drinks all the booze before flying home. Another piece of paper falls out*
[Paper] Fooled you!
-Draco Scriba.

*disappears before Venom tells him off*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
please don't do anything regarding operations you're not a part of. I knew that was a real dragon you dope! They said so in the attack conv.

*is still disappeared*

*wonders whether he's going to lose his job*

Are you trying to tell me that this could never happen in RL? Without the dragons? You can get mixups sometimes

*A Figure is seen in the distance is seem trying to catch a drunken dragon...*

*Axe, you wont lose your job, just get back down here*
It wasn't your operation. The note was addressed to "The Mercenaries", of which you were not an official member...

Did I open the parcel? No. I just let it through. Last time I checked, all Starpilot personnel were required to function as auxillerary security guards when full-time security guards are not present.

*reappears, slowly, in the corner of the room*

Normal SHSS rules don't apply on Mercenary property, ie this room. We have tighter security. But I could use some backup on the Dragonhouse thread. Practical jokes and such, maybe a brick of C752 (formerly C4+, has about ten times the strength) down the toilet.

*A knocking is heard on the door. It sounds like a very official knock. A knock that means to do business in an efficient, orderly way...*

*deliberatly doesn't open the door*

*Drags in some sandbags, a .5 cal machine gun, and a GSV uplink*

Okay... open the door. And get a gun.

*There are several metallic clangs as the door hinges are sliced in two. The door falls over, and a sinisterly dressed Elf steps through.
[N'kai] Good evening. My name is N'kai. I'm here on business. You should understand, being a fellow merc and all...
*Heads for the armoury. Looks at the guards. Swings his bladed-shield and gives them both a nasty, but not fatal, injury.*
[N'kai] Coming through...

*There is a series of crashes, and then a slight cracking noise. All the weapons are smashed, and the Elf is missing...*

Venom's going to go insane...

*opens the Armoury door (slowly) and walks in*

*sweeps the area with his laser rifle*

I've got a good idea. All the stuff in here is wrecked, right?

Um... well, it's not my armoury. Yes, I agree, Venom is going to go insane.

Anyway, wouldn't it be better for them to go after the person who hired us?

*all of the weapons disappear, and reappear whole* You think I would make it that easy? Solid holograms. The weapons do exist, but one needs a terminal pill to get to them. Ie, if you grabbed one, then the holo would dissolve and allow you access to the real weapon. But the elf isn't our person. And these people just don't seem to get the fact that we do revenge. They could just call us up and ask for the same to occur at the doghouse.

Now that'd be fun

And it might persuade the cats that I'm not a "Dog or Dog Sympathizer".